


Do You Feel Alive?

by kalpa



Series: Renaissance [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Androids, Angst, Character Death, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-05-20 02:07:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 54,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14885594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalpa/pseuds/kalpa
Summary: You're a detective at Detroit Police Station. One night, you meet Connor - an android sent by Cyberlife to investigate deviant activity.A.K.A - The story of how you fell apart, and Connor fell with you.---The sequel "Are You Alive?" is up now!





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO - i really wanted this to be a one shot but it's become so complex cuz... im me and i gotta make shit hard. so this chapter is pretty short for me, but there's a lot more written so updates should be frequent :)
> 
> BUT - here's a connor/reader fic! i of course had to write this because i love connor and D:BH. we all stan a cute android boye <3  
> im not gonna write much here cuz im tired as HECC - but i hope yall do enjoy this fic
> 
> IT DOES DEVIATE FROM CANON THOUGH! THIS STORY DOES DEVIATE FROM CANON!

The first time you met Connor it was a cold, rainy night devoid of any activity. The station was mostly empty, almost all detectives having already gone home besides the few assigned the graveyard shift. You would be at your old apartment too if Hank hadn’t passed off his files to you, grumbling about how he didn’t work on “android shit”. 

Sometimes you regretted having chosen the desk next to him. In all honesty, you’d only chosen it to be as far away from Gavin as possible. It proved out to be more trouble than it was worth.

Until Connor spoke to you anyways.

You hadn’t even noticed him approaching until he stood in front of Hank’s desk, figure tall and lean. Blinking away the sleep in your eyes, you looked up from your terminal to him. Those brown eyes flicked from you to the cases on your screen, surely putting two and two together. He faced you now, and you saw the fitted android uniform. Why was he looking for Hank? You perked up. “Can I help you?” you asked and he nodded.

“My name is Connor. I’m an android sent by Cyberlife. I’m looking for Lieutenant Anderson. I’ve been assigned to assist him with an investigation on a homicide involving a Cyberlife android,” he explained, formal and polite. A smirk curled your lips at his words, realizing that Hank, the android hater, would have to work with one. 

With a sigh, you sat up straight in your chair and twisted to face Connor. He was patiently waiting, eyes never leaving you. You briefly wondered what he knew just by watching you. “At this time of night, he’s probably at some shithole bar nearby,” you said, resting your hands on your stomach. Squinting, you thought back to the cases Hank had given you earlier. There had been one mentioning… “A homicide, huh? The one downtown?” 

The LED on Connor’s forehead flickered yellow, and those eyes jumped around. He shifted forward on a foot, crossing his arms behind his back. “Yes. How did you know?”

You gestured to the screen in front of you, showing the case. Connor’s eyebrow arched at the sight. “When Hank doesn’t want to do his job, he passes his shit off to me. This came in earlier but he brushed it off, saying he needed a drink,” you told the android, pursing your lips. “He really doesn’t like anything related to your…. _ kind _ ,” you sighed, reaching up to comb your hand through your hair. 

That yellow LED finally returned to blue with a nod from Connor, an understanding smile on his lips. “That will not be a problem. Do you know where the Lieutenant is?” 

A snort and you threw your hands up. “No idea, but it’s probably not that far. There’s one down the street - you might wanna start there.” Connor’s eyes briefly flickered as he surely ran a scan of the local area. 

“Yes, there are fifteen bars within a ten mile radius. I will start at the closest ones and work my way from there,” he said before turning his attention back to you.. “Thank you for your help, Detective….?”

A question. You rose with a smile of your own, offering your hand to the android. “Detective (L/N).” Connor took your hand, shaking it firmly. You had never really made physical contact with an android before, but you’d heard others call them plastic, cold, lifeless… But Connor felt real under your touch. He felt warm, soft… You pushed away your thoughts and stepped back. “Good luck with your investigation. If anyone can solve it, it’s you,” you hummed.

“Thank you. Have a good night, Detective.” He turned, striding down the same aisle he’d come down moments ago. You watched him leave, still standing at your desk. A curious look painted your features as Connor left the building, teeth chewing your lip.

An android investigating a homicide possibly involving a deviant… Cyberlife was interested in these cases then. After months of combing through Hank’s shit, you’d read almost every case about androids. In August, deviants were rare - maybe one reported in a month. But since then, the numbers only seemed to grow.

If Connor would be helping out in the investigation, then maybe you should sit down and go through old files to get a lead for him. You took a seat with a huff, cracking your knuckles and sipping your coffee. 

_ I’ll only be an hour,  _ you told yourself. 

You didn’t get home until midnight.

 

You got in to the station at approximately 9:50 in the morning to find Connor at Hank’s desk. But instead of sitting and waiting, he was inspecting the contents of the Lieutenant’s space. You smirked at the sight, taking a sip of your coffee as you approached.

“So, did you find Hank last night?” you asked, stopping on the other side of the metal desk. Those brown eyes flit up to you, the LED on his temple briefly flashing yellow as your appearance was registered. Almost immediately, his eyebrows rose and the corners of his lips curled into a soft smile. You briefly wondered how Cyberlife could make androids look so...human.

“Yes, I found him at the fifth bar,” he replied.

You chuckled. “Which one was it? I’ll need to jot that down in my ‘What Was Hank Doing Instead Of Working’ file,” you asked.

“I found him at Jimmy’s Bar, drinking half a glass of whiskey. He was there at approximately-” he began to say, falling into a natural stream of information. You snorted through your coffee, raising your one free hand.

“Connor - I was joking about the notes thing. I don’t keep track of him,” you laughed and he tilted his head at a slight angle, eyes wider than before. He almost looked like a puppy who’d gotten in trouble. The sight made your chest twist. 

“Oh… I apologize,” he said, awkwardly standing there for a moment before casting a few glances around the room. “Do you know when Hank will arrive?”

Another snort as you turned, walking over to your desk. It wasn’t too far away, thankfully, as you needed to put down your coffee and take off your coat. Connor took the hint and followed you. You set down your coffee, going to shrug off your jacket when Connor stepped forward, helping you take it off. His fingers brushed against the exposed skin of your arms and again, he was warm. Your hair stood up.

With a shake of your head, you remembered what Connor had asked. “Um… Whenever he wants,” you shakily answered, noticing Connor hand off your jacket to a service android. You almost wanted to tell him he didn’t have to do that, but you remembered. He was an android - not a human. He was expected to do just that - serve humans. For some reason, the thought didn’t sit well with you. 

You brushed it off. “Some days he gets in at noon. Sometimes he doesn’t come in at all… Depends on how much he drank the night before,” you said, plopping down in your seat. Connor stood on the other side of your desk, looking at you with curious eyes. You gestured around the office. “Feel free to look around though. Hopefully he’ll come in eventually.”

Another rigid nod. “Thank you. I’ll see what I can find out to help my mission.” He turned to go, but something bugged you. The files you’d read the night prior proved your observation of deviant activity increasing. And from what you’d heard, they had arrested one.

“You arrested a deviant last night, right?” Connor stopped, turning on his heel to look at you. His LED turned yellow as he thought. 

“Yes. The victim’s names was Carlos Ortiz. He was murdered by his android after he attacked it with a bat,” he explained. You realized you kept trying to search his face for something to read but there was nothing. There were no emotions, no thoughts, no ticks… There was no way for you to know how he felt, no way to know what he thought. Maybe that’s why other hated androids so much… Because they had no idea how to act around them? “In response, the deviant stabbed him 28 times.”

Your eyes widened. “That’s a lot of stab wounds,” you said. “Why so many?”

Connor furrowed his brow, still standing rigidly. You were happy to at least see some emotion on his face.“The deviant revealed to me that Carlos had been abusing him. Once he was attacked by Ortiz, he...snapped.” 

_ Snapped.  _ You couldn’t blame the android. The android had been owned for a while, and if he’d been abused it was more than likely the abuse happened for an extended period of time. It was only natural the android would fight back. 

_ But they’re not supposed to feel. _

“What happened to the deviant?” you asked, drumming your fingers on the desk.

His LED flashed. “I interrogated the deviant, and extracted a confession.”

Another tap of your fingers. “And...after?”

Connor’s eyebrows quirked in an inquiring motion. It was surely a question he hadn’t been asked yet. “Most deviants are taken for examination, but since Carlos Ortiz’s android is evidence towards the deviant cause he was shut down and sent to evidence.” 

The drumming of your fingers stopped now as you bit your lip. “So, the deviant is in the basement?” 

“Yes. In case the need to review evidence arises, it is available.” 

You clenched your jaw, narrowing your eyes on the case files on your terminal. There were so many new ones already. It was overwhelming. Why were there so many deviating? “Why do you think the android became a deviant, Connor?” you asked, daring to make eye contact.

You met those brown eyes, and they seemed puzzled for a moment. His mouth opened to speak but he faltered. Silent, you watched those eyes dart around in an attempt to make a conclusion. “Deviants deviate because there is a malfunction in their system. This makes them think-”

You leaned forward, placing your hand flat on the desk. Connor’s eyes snapped to you as you looked up to him, shaking your head. “No, Connor… What do  _ you  _ think?” you whispered.

His LED turned yellow as he looked at you, a frown making its way onto his face. Again, he went to speak but stopped.  “The deviant was in shock. It was abused for weeks by Ortiz. Once Ortiz went to destroy it…”

“It felt fear.” Those brown eyes met yours, and this time stayed. “It didn’t want to shut down.”

The LED returned to blue and a slam came from behind you both. You rolled your eyes as you spun in your chair, turning to see Hank entering the building. He was groaning and rubbing his eyes, clearly hungover. 

You snickered when you saw Hank realize Connor was there for him, the man audibly cursing. “Good luck, Connor,” you hummed, scooching closer to your terminal. “You’ll need it.”

The hair on your neck stood up again as you felt the android’s gaze, but you didn’t turn to look. Instead, you waited as Connor turned to approach Hank. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him reach up and tighten his tie, a movement that nearly made you smile. But you held it back and tried to focus on your work.

You barely caught the soft, “Thank you” as he left. 

And again you wondered just what he was thinking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the fic?
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!  
> comments mean the entire world to me. reading your thoughts and what you liked or disliked motivates me! i cherish each and every comment i receive and they never fail to bring a smile to my face :)
> 
> LEAVE KUDOS!  
> kudos help get this story recognized! that also makes me smile : )
> 
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> come watch me post about d:bh and how much i stan connor the good boye  
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> 
> AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...
> 
> HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT! THANKS FOR READING ILU ALL! <3


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to know Connor better, and meet possibly your greatest foe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UM WOW ? 100 KUDOS? Jesus ya'll thank you so much! This means the entire world to me.  
> I'm slowly plugging away at this story. I typically plan stories out completely before writing. This story, however, I started as a short one shot and well...here we are now...  
> That being said, the next update should happen again soon! I am moderating a D:BH server and I do have a job interview Tuesday, so that might run into the way of things slightly. 
> 
> I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK MY AWESOME READERS! These people went through the story and still do - giving me tips and their thoughts. I appreciate and stan you all mwah:  
> R  
> Kiki  
> Soft Yeet sebbs  
> dej-okay  
> and hapgen!!!  
> If you'd like to be a beta reader too in the future hmu on Tumblr! Link to that is below...
> 
> THAT BEING SAID, ENJOY~! thank you for reading <3

After Connor left to talk to Hank, an android on the run with a little girl had been reported, resulting you being called for patrol duty. You’d been assigned to check various neighborhoods around the motel it had apparently been spotted in, but after two hours of searching with no luck you’d been called back to the station.

With the number of deviant cases becoming more substantial as the day went on, the Captain had assigned you putting them into the system. It was simple, mind-numbing work that kept you busy. But no matter how hard you focused and how many coffees you had, your thoughts strayed.

Why were there so many androids deviating every day? Months ago, an android deviating was rare and one in a million. But now there were dozens of androids being reported missing or straight up abandoning their programming each day. Twenty deviants had been reported just that day. 

A loud sigh came from you as you dropped your head in your hands, rubbing your temples. There were so many unanswered questions, and no one was any closer to answering them. Were androids really capable of feeling emotion? 

A quick check of the time revealed it was approaching five in the evening, giving you another hour before you could leave. Although based on the number of cases still not entered in the system, you’d be pulling another twelve hour shift. You went to take another sip of your coffee only to find it was empty.

This made you pull back and realize just what a fucking mess your desk was. Jesus, when was the last time you’d gotten up and moved? 

With a groan, you gathered the empty cups and threw them in your trash. Detecting your annoyance, a service android came over. “Can I help you, Detective?” they asked, eyes earnest. It would save you time if they got you another coffee, but you waved them off.

“I’m fine. I’ll go grab myself one,” you said and the android seemed displeased. They opened their mouth, surely to insist on helping but you painted a large smile on your face. “I need to move my legs anyways.” The android waited for a moment before nodding and returning their previous spot. 

You strolled over to the small kitchen in the station, noting the lack of police and detectives. They were surely out responding to the abundance of calls on androids. Some reported legitimate issues, such as their androids suddenly expressing fear or even fleeing. However, most calls consisted of people fearing their android was actually a government spy selling their information to Cyberlife.  
You snickered at the thought. Their information was being sold long before androids came around.

You’d rather be working on their cases than answering the calls. A lot of people were dumb, and quite frankly, you didn’t have the patience to deal with them. The thought of spending the next five hours typing away wore away at you though, resulting in a large sigh as you turned into the kitchen.

Only to bump into someone. 

A curse came from you as you stumbled back, tripping over your own feet. Exhaustion made your brain work a lot slower than usual, and as a result, you found your ass falling. Briefly thankful you didn’t have coffee in your hands, you accepted your fate.

Suddenly, hands wrapped around your back, pulling you back up. A small ‘eep’ came from you as you were helped back up on your feet, eyes not registering the mass of black and blue in front of you until you were back up. It was then you realized that you’d run into a very surprised looking Connor. Well, as surprised as an android could look. 

“Christ!” you gasped out as Connor stood there, looking at you with blank eyes. His hands were still on your back, holding you still and straight. 

Again, you noticed his touch wasn’t cold. You could feel the warmth from his skin even through your shirt. How long would he stand here and hold you? How long until he stepped back and apologized, giving some plain and formal statement? How long?

“Ahh... look! Our plastic buddy is back, and this time with a friend,” a familiar voice called, and Connor’s hands withdrew. The sudden coldness left you numb for a moment as you watched his brown eyes flicker, something unreadable in them. He stepped aside to face the figure on the right and you prayed to God you had enough patience to last his conversation.

“Gavin,” you hummed, looking at the man with a false smile. He was hunched over a cafe table with another officer, a woman he oftentimes dragged into his shit. That ugly smirk painted his face as he watched you and Connor, pure hate and evil in his eyes. God, you fucking despised him.“I knew I’d find you here! I just needed an update on your report.” 

Gavin shuffled in spot for a moment, looking to his friend with that cocky grin before looking back to you. “My...report?” he asked.

“Yes... The one about how much you sit on your ass?” you hummed, crossing your arms. Gavin’s eyebrows shot up as he clenched his jaw, the woman beside him suppressing a snicker. He clearly didn’t like that and pushed off of the table, stalking over to you. But you weren’t afraid. He was all bark and no bite.

He got uncomfortably close, nearly toe to toe with you. But you didn’t back down. Instead, you tensed your shoulders and gazed up into those ugly eyes. He looked for something in your expression - maybe fear? Maybe submission? But you gave none of that. You gave him  _ nothing.  _

He suddenly burst out in laughter, twisting around to point at you and Connor. “See this? She’s defending him! She’s defending a piece of plastic,” he exclaimed, and the woman nervously chuckled. “Fucking unbelievable… What are ya then? An android  _ lover _ ? You wanna fuck a piece of garbage?” Again, he took a step forward. 

You pursed your lips, looking from his eyes, to his chest and then back. And then you smiled, not saying anything as you turned your back to Gavin. His fury was almost overpowering as you left him to approach Connor, who was standing there awkwardly. Without a second thought, you looped your arm around his and steered him out of the room.

Thankfully, Gavin didn’t say anything but you heard him curse under his breath. No doubt he was planning on you arguing with him, and as much as you wanted to, it wouldn’t get you anywhere. It was like adding gasoline to a forest fire - it would only grow in strength and kill everything in its path.

_ Everyone  _ in its path.

At your side, Connor walked stiffly - as though he had never done this before. You were sure he hadn’t. What human walked up to him and took his arm? Fuck, what human treated him as something more than a servant? 

You wouldn’t have left him behind, though. Gavin would have torn him to shreds, and with the little progress being made on the deviant case, you needed Connor. Plus, he was fun to have around. 

You kept him close as you walked back towards your desk, really wishing you had vodka instead of coffee. Once you were sure Gavin wasn’t looking, you let go of the android. He hovered by your side a moment, clearly confused. Hot embarrassment crippled your veins, and you stopped to explain. “Sorry. I couldn’t leave you back there with Gavin. He would’ve torn you a new one,” you hastily said, Connor halting in his movements too. Those brown eyes rest on you as he slowly tilted his head.

All you could think was  _ puppy….  _

“It would be quite difficult to tear me apart,” Connor said matter-of-factly and you nearly rolled your eyes. 

“I- Nevermind. What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be with Hank?” you asked, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“We came back to the station to look into the AX-400 android and other possible leads. After some time, he left to get dinner.” His LED turned yellow, a far away look taking over his eyes. “That was approximately one hour twenty five minutes and thirty two seconds ago.”

“He probably went to a bar or home...fuck maybe both knowing him. Have you looked there?” 

“No, I haven’t. My mission’s priority is to investigate the deviants.”

“So, you don’t care that Hank mysteriously disappeared?” you asked, placing your hands on your hips. He seemed to think for a moment.

“My mission is not Hank, but I do believe it is odd he left,” he said slowly, almost as though he were testing the words as he spoke. You found yourself agreeing.

“Did something happen earlier?” you asked, and Connor furrowed his brow, looking away.

“We engaged in chase with a deviant. It...got away.” 

Your fingers drummed against your hip. “Why didn’t you catch it? You’re faster and smarter.” You weren’t angry. If anything, you were intrigued. If Hank left so early, it was surely to drown his sorrows. But what had triggered him? 

For a moment, you thought Connor’s LED flashed red. But it was only for a brief second, enough time for you to barely even register it happened. Were you hallucinating? The LED only turned red in times of panic or distress. Was Connor ok? Your worry must’ve been evident because Connor gave the polite smile again.

“The deviant managed to push Hank off a building. I made the decision to...save Hank.”

_ But that doesn’t follow your mission protocols.  _

It was thought but not said. Instead, you spoke with silence as the two of you stood there. You saw Connor’s LED and Connor saw everything else about you - your temperature, your pulse, your posture, your expression… There were so many things you could say and so few he could.

So you decided to shrug. “Well, we can’t all be lucky, can we?” you hummed before turning. “By the way, you might wanna go check on Hank. You saved him once, but he might need saving again.”

“From what?” Connor asked and you fixed him with a hard stare.

“Himself, of course,” you breathlessly chuckled, all without mirth. “You know how he is.”

“I do.”

“Then go check on him soon, okay? I don’t want him to have drank himself to death with all these cases coming in,” you sighed. Connor slowly nodded his head in understand, still standing there awkwardly. But he looked less tense than the day before - less hard edges and sharp angles. That made a small smile come to your face. “And don’t go back in the kitchen. That’s Gavin’s territory, and lord knows he acts like a dick when someone comes in it.”

“Yes, he does.” That made you let out a laugh, stunned for a moment that the android made a joke. The corners of Connor’s lips twitched at the sound. It really wasn’t that funny, but coming from Connor, it was fucking hilarious. You giggled for a minute before waving casually, walking past Connor to go back to your desk.

“Keep Hank from killing himself, alright?”

“Got it.”

Warm in your chest despite the lack of coffee, you plopped down back in your chair. A loud sigh came from you as you looked up to the ceiling. God, you were tired. Eyes fluttering shut, you felt the exhaustion and need for a nap pull you down…

“Homicide reported at Eden’s Club in downtown Detroit. Deviant is involved,” a loud voice called, snapping you from your sleep. Your eyes shot open, sitting up to cast a glance around the station. All eyes were on you, some amused and some irritated. You felt a headache coming.

“You’re up, (L/N),” one called. “And so are you Gavin.”

You groaned. Fuck, you really wish you had that coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY WHAT YOU READ?
> 
> LEAVE A COMMENT!  
> I adore each and every comment. I get email notifications, and when I see that someone left a comment I stop EVERYTHING to read it. They honestly make my day and keep me writing : )
> 
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> AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...  
> Have a great day/night! Thank you SO much for reading! : )


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An android and man are found dead in Eden Club. You're sent to investigate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok first of all - this fic has been up for...4 days? 5? And it's already reached over 200 KUDOS?! TF?!?!  
> I thank you guys SO SO SO much. Writing this has been hard just because I'm figuring out how the fuck to write Connor, and you guys gave me a huge confidence boost. I'm working on this fic like crazy now!!!  
> This is by far probably my most successful fic, which is why I'm excited to tell ya'll that this fic is still nowhere near done. But - this is a HUGE turning point for the reader. Everything changes after this chapter, and the next chapters are only better.
> 
> THAT BEING SAID - if you post about my writing, use this hashtahg : #doyoufeelalive  
> I'll probably reblog your post and shower you with love and affection memes as thanks <3
> 
> OK - NOW ENJOY!!!

Nothing prepared you for the sight of a dead body. No matter how many dead people you’d seen, no matter how long you’d been on the force the sight never ceased to make your stomach twist and turn. It never ceased to make you pale and nauseous.

Thankfully, EMTs and a patrol officer had been first on the scene so you were somewhat prepared for the sight. A naked man lay in the Eden Club bed, clearly dead. Bruises lined his throat, and a quick glance over to the android on the ground showed blood pooling from her nose. Had she strangled him?

“Poor fucker,” a familiar, annoying voice said from behind you. You suppressed a groan as Gavin approached the bed, eying the victim. “He was just getting his dick blown when this bitch went full Robocop.” He said it was like nothing, and you shot him a dirty look. Defensively, he raised a hand with a loud, “What?”

“You’re disgusting,” you sneered, turning your back to him. Your attention was on the dead android now. Kneeling, you reached for her face and touched it. She was cold - dead. How had she died? Did the man on the bed fight back against her? You frowned now, looking back to him.

How had she ended up over here then? A dead woman couldn’t move.

“Looks like she attacked him and he killed her in self defense,” Gavin said confidently, and you shook your head with narrowed eyes.

“No… That couldn’t have happened. How would he have been strangled then?” you asked, standing to face the man. God, he had such a punchable face.

He shrugged. “Does it matter? The deviant is dead.”

You couldn’t counter it and that pissed you off. This wasn’t adding up. Gavin seemed to notice your annoyance and sauntered over to you, hands held out. “What? Need your plastic pet to help you out?” he spat and you felt white hot anger surge in your chest. Your hands balled into fists. “Don’t trust something with _feelings_?” he asked, licking his lips.

“I don’t trust assholes like you,” you whispered, barely able to control your rage. The only thing keeping you from slapping him was the risk of contaminating the scene.

“I just speak my mind, unlike some people around here,” he hissed, getting dangerously close to you. You could almost feel his hot breath on your face. That made you shrink back, heart racing.

“There’s a difference between speaking your mind and being an asshole, Gavin. I suggest you-”

His toes touched yours. The dead android was just behind you. You couldn’t move anymore. “Yeah? You suggest I what?”

Fuck, his breath reeked. Fuck, he was ugly. Fuck, fuck, fuck…

“Gavin’s in there…” A voice said outside the room, followed by familiar loud grumbling. Your head shot in the direction of the voices, relief blossoming in your chest as Gavin stepped back. There was a look in his eyes that promised nothing good in the future - a look that made your relief short lived.

The door into the room opened, revealing both Hank and Connor. Gavin let out a devious chuckle as he shook his head. “Lieutenant Anderson and his plastic pet.” You shot the man a glare before brushing off your jacket, turning your back and blocking them out.

You hated how lifelike android’s eyes were. They were glassy and far away, no longer seeing this world. Why had she died? How had she died? Looking closer, there were dried tears on her face.

She’d been afraid… She’d been scared.

“Great, the kid is here,” Hank groaned loudly, yanking you from your thoughts. You let out a hefty sigh at his words, crossing your arms as you glowered at him. He was dressed in some dress shirt with a funky pattern, something that made you snicker.

“Nice shirt, Hank. Get it from the 2000s?” you asked and he flipped you off. That brought a smile to your face as you turned your attention to Connor. He was standing in front of the bed, a furrow in his brow as he stared at the victim. You could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he approached the man, eyes trained on his neck.

A grunt came from the old man. “He picked it out.” Your smile grew despite the situation as you looked back over to Connor. He was peering down at the man’s neck, and you found the previous questions returning.

“He didn’t die from a heart attack. He was strangled,” Connor abruptly said, and you found yourself agreeing. His head turned to look to the deceased android.

“By her?” you asked, and those brown eyes flicked to you. Again, for a moment you swore that LED flashed yellow for a split second when you made eye contact. But before you could truly register if it did, it was back to blue and he was frowning.

“I’m not sure. Let me analyze it.” You stepped away from the android, taking a spot near the door. You’d seen enough of the scene. It was wise to let Connor work it without obstruction. Hank was approaching the bed as his partner approached the dead android, leaning down to get a closer look at her face. With a tilt of his head, he reached down towards the blood with his fingers and touched it, bringing it up to his mouth and-

“Connor! What the fuck!” you hissed, a look of horror on your face.

At the same time, Hank yelled, “Connor! Not again!” He groaned as he rubbed his eyes.  “You’re so gross.”

You shot the Lieutenant an incredulous look. “ _Again?”_

The blood licking android turned to look back at you, the blood still on his fingers as he said, “I come with a program to diagnose androids based on their thirium.” He said it so matter of factly that it made you feel somewhat bad for freaking out, but seeing someone lick blood still made your stomach churn.

You swallowed your mild nausea. “With...your tongue?” you asked and Connor nodded, opening his mouth to explain. But you raised your hands. “That’s...alright, Connor. Just do your thing.” He nodded now, returning back to his task of debunking the situation.

“It could’ve been rough play,” Hank said after a moment, clearly used to Connor’s odd tongue habits. But his partner didn’t seem convinced.

“I need to reactivate the android to access its memories.”

“Can you do it?” you asked, watching as Connor places his hand on the android’s stomach. The once pink skin melted away into its white base, just as Connor’s hand did as he connected to it.

“Yes, but it’s badly damaged. If I reactivate it, it’ll only be for a minute. Maybe less.”

You remembered the tears under the android’s eyes, the faraway and glass look in her dead eyes. She’d been terrified before dying. What had happened? You needed to know. With a deep breath, you shot a glance over to Hank who returned it with one of his own. He looked concerned too, arms crossed and scowl evident. The two of you exchanged some unspoken agreement - that nothing was adding up here. After a moment, he sighed and said, “Do it, Connor.”

The panel leading to the android’s biocomponents was moved aside, revealing a set of wires that had been disconnected. Connor grabbed them. “I hope it’ll be long enough to learn something,” he muttered, barely audible over the music outside the door. But you caught it.

_I hope._

The wires were reconnected, and a loud gasp came from the android as she sat up, those once dead eyes now alive. She shot a glance around the room, terror evident and clear as she crawled away from Connor. Connor raised his hands in a non-menacing way, and you saw why he was called ‘The Negotiator’.

“I’m going to ask you some questions. Can you speak?” Connor asked, voice soft yet direct. He was slowly approaching her, crouched low to be at her level.

The android’s eyes darted to the bed, hyperventilating when she saw the dead man. You noticed her hands were shaking. “Is...he dead?” she asked, voice small. It took everything in you to not interject, to let Connor handle it. You wanted to comfort her, but who knew how long you had until she shut down.

“Did you kill him?”

“No! No it wasn’t me,” she insisted.

“Tell me what happened.”

“He started hitting me,” she whispered, gaze returning back to the dead man. “Again and again…” That explained the blood then. He’d beat her so bad he killed her. Rage blossomed in you now.

“Were you alone in the room? Was anyone else with you?” Connor asked, voice becoming increasingly louder. You could tell that there wasn’t much time left. She was going to shut down.

“He wanted to play with two girls. That’s what he said, there were two of us,” she gasped out.

“Where did the other android go?!” Connor shouted, and the android looked to you. Those eyes met yours, the pain and fear making your heart stutter. You felt your breath catch as she understood, as she felt it coming…

The android shutdown, her eyes dropping and body going slack. Something stuttered in your chest as you watched her shut down, her words not even truly sticking. You’d figured out the previous question, but it didn’t matter.

Connor stood, turning to look back to you and Hank. You tried to meet his gaze, but something was preventing you from moving from the android. Distantly, you heard Hank speaking to Connor but their words didn’t register. It felt as though you were in a haze - trapped by those dead brown eyes and blue blood.

She’d been afraid. She’d felt fear.

“Detective?” He was beside you. Hank had already left, why was he here? “Are you alright?”

Deep breath in… Crack your knuckles… “She was afraid.”

You expected him to brush it off, to dismiss her feelings as some malfunction in her programming. But instead Connor turned, following your eyes back to her. He saw the lifeless body, the dull eyes… What would happen to her? Would they fix her, or would they write her off as some lost cause?

A hand came to rest on your shoulder. You looked over to see that hand belonged to Connor, a concerned glint in his eyes. “It was in emotional shock. He beat it,” he said, voice low and calm.

Something about hearing Connor call the android ‘it’ made your rage flare through the sadness. You looked up to him, frowning. He didn’t remove his hand. Was he reading you? Watching every miniscule movement you made, every fluctuation in your body? “ _She_ . _She_ was beaten,” you whispered out. There was nothing else said, but everything was exchanged as you stepped away from his grasp. You turned your back to him, and you left the room.

The music was pounding your ears as you stumbled out of the club, overwhelming and loud. Your head was spinning, stomach churning.

Nothing prepared you for the sight of a dead body.

Nothing prepared you for the sight of someone dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader copes with Eden Club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so - this is a super short chapter. That being said, the next chapter will be incredibly long. On google docs, it's 10+ pages and almost 7,000 words. So yeah - it's REALLY long and intense.  
> So - enjoy this chapter guys! It's the last bit of calm there will be in a while ; )  
> I'd also like to thank you guys again! Your support is wild and I enthuse about it SO much.  
> Do you think we could get to 500 kudos before Monday? :thinking:  
> Also a huge shoutout to my readers - R, Kiki, HapGen and others. Your support means the galaxy to me. 
> 
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It was improper for you to leave the scene before the case was solved and the other android was found, but fuck it. You didn’t care. You hopped in your cruiser and drove back to the station, wordlessly walking into the locker room and taking a cold shower.

With the cold water on your skin, you found your tensions sinking away into the drain. The haunting sight of the android dying…the far away look in her eyes... the absolute  _ fear…  _ You’d always been as kind as you could to the androids you came across. Others, like Gavin, thought of them to simply be plastic and nothing more. 

You’d always considered maybe one day androids could evolve to be intelligent and have emotions. But you had always said, “In a decade. Not now.” What you’d seen today contradicted everything you’d believed. 

You needed to think this over whiskey at home, not in the shower of the place responsible for so much chaos in your life. Pulling back the shower door, you exited into the bathroom and dried off. The slow scratch of the towel against your skin grounded you back to reality, the only sound in the empty room. It bounced off the walls, just as the music did.

The report on the Ortiz deviant killing mentioned something written in the victim’s blood. 

You opened your locker, taking out your spare set of clothes.

The android had cigarette burns all along his arm. He’d been in emotional shock just as Connor had said about the Eden’s Club android.

You brought your shirt over your head, and pulled on your pants. 

_ I am alive. _

Deviants were just androids finally realizing they didn’t have to live as servants. They could feel emotions. They could think thoughts. They had dreams and desires. 

And the girl at the club had all of her’s cut short by some sick fucker who viewed her just...merchandise - as something less than human. There hadn’t been one dead person in the room - there’d been two: the man and the girl.

All the dead deviants you’d seen… All the deviants  _ you’d arrested…  _

You sat down, and in that empty locker room. you cried.

 

There was no one in the station, most being out reporting on calls or God knows where else. The lights were on, and all androids in stationary at the back of the room. It was empty - besides Connor sitting at your desk. The sight made you stop completely, hands hanging at your side unsure of what to do.

His back was to you, thankfully, allowing you to mull over your next movements. You had to get your keys for your personal car and wallet, but would you speak to him? Were you that angry at him you’d ignore him?

No, you weren’t immature. He hadn’t done anything intentionally to piss you off. His whole purpose of being here was to catch deviants. Sympathizing with them only made issues worse for him - if Connor even let himself feel.

You didn’t know what was going on in his brain. You never did. 

You sighed, running a hand through your hair before checking your watch. It was 1:45 in the morning, and you really wanted to get home before 2. So you sucked up any anxiety and anger you’d felt, and let it out with a huff as you approached your desk. 

The moment you made your presence know with your harsh steps, Connor turned and looked at you. Those brown eyes were so wide and innocent, but you saw the questions in them. You could only imagine what he had to ask. 

_ Why did you leave? Why did you break the rules? Why did you care? _

He turned to face you front-on. That lean body nearly blocked your way to your desk, something that made you stumble to a stop with a frown. You really didn’t wanna meet his gaze, but you had to. He was forcing your move here.

So with an internal curse, you looked up and met his gaze. You expected maybe anger at you being so upset over a deviant. You expected to see maybe absolutely  _ nothing  _ in his face as you almost always did. But you didn’t expect to see...concern? Worry? There was a furrow in his brow as he analyzed your face, surely seeing everything you tried to hide.

He tilted his head. “You’ve been crying.” It was a statement - not a question. You looked away.

“I’m fine. I just need my keys,” you said, trying to change the subject. You gestured to your desk, and, taking the hint, Connor stepped aside to allow you space. “Thanks,” you mumbled, opening your desk drawer to reveal your keys and wallet. 

“You left the Club,” he said. Again, it was another statement posed to make you speak. You grabbed your stuff, holding it tightly in the palm of your hand as you stood there. Did you open up to him? Did you tell him why? 

Would he even understand?

You rest your hand on your desk, looking out to the empty room. “What if we’re fighting for the wrong people, Connor?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper. You saw that frown deepen on his face, his body tighten and tense at even the thought. You knew it went against all his programming, his coding, his  _ beliefs…  _ It was like humans being told their life was all a simulation. “What if deviants can feel emotions? What if they’re just like humans?” 

He narrowed his eyes down at you. “The beaten deviant… She affected you.”

God, you hated how he analyzed you. You snarled, “Of course she did. I- I watched her die.” You could feel the tears coming back in your eyes. With a deep breath, you bit your lip and shook your head. “I watched her die and I could do absolutely nothing,” you murmured meekly. You realized you’d clenched your hands into fists, pressing down so hard on your desk spindles of pain stretched up your arm. 

“The android will be sent to the closest repair facility and be fixed. It did not die,” he explained but you pushed off your desk, facing him now. 

“Yes she did, Connor. She died right in front of my eyes because she’s treated like merchandise. Your kind are treated like they’re  _ toys, _ ” you hissed, pointing at him. “And we’re arresting the ones who just want to be happy,” you said, pinching the bridge of your nose. “We’re the bad guys...not them.”

Connor opened his mouth to speak before stopping, still awkwardly standing in place. For a moment, the two you just stood there in the empty station - the only sounds being rain and cars outside. There was nothing but you, him and all these emotions swirling in your body. Your veins were aflame, your stomach was churning, your eyes were burning… 

“You’re in emotional shock,” he finally said, something that made anger boil over in you. You scowled, letting out an “eugh” as you pushed past him. You tried to ignore how he was warm under your temporary touch, you tried to ignore how being mean to him went against everything you were for, you tried to ignore the sadness and pain and fear nipping at your heels as you stormed out of the station.

But you found it most difficult to ignore the sight of Connor standing alone by your desk, eyes confused and hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deviants break into Stratford Tower, but that isn't the biggest of your worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA SURPRISE UPDATE!!!  
> here's the big chapter - the big update. this was over 6,000 words in of itself, so enjoy this chapter! im taking the weekend off to relax, along with monday as ive been working super hard on this fic and other stuff. so the next time i'll update will be tuesday, june 19 (i think lol). so enjoy this huge ass chapter.  
> there's also an alternate ending you can see by visiting my tumblr :eyes: !
> 
> THAT BEING SAID - ENJOY THE STORY!
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Alcohol Issues  
> Major Violence

You didn’t sleep that night. Every time you closed your eyes, you remembered the eyes of all androids you’d found dead. When you first started your job, finding dead androids made you sad. They made you feel empathy and pity because it was in your nature to care.

But you had never truly registered that androids were machines by birth, and humans by heart. You’d never registered that maybe all these deviants the media demonized were simply souls wanting freedom and happiness. And to see all of that die in front of you…

You felt guilt. You felt shame, and worst of all, you felt responsible. You’d been helping catch these androids for two months. You’d had a hand in cutting off their hopes and dreams. And if what you’d heard was right, deviants that were caught had their memories wiped and were dissected to understand what went wrong.

After the fifth beer, you felt nothing.

There was a ringing near you... It was loud and annoying, stirring you from your alcohol induced coma. You rolled over, hand reaching for the phone you kept on your nightstand. It hit the table, but there was nothing there. A loud groan came from you as you smacked around, trying to find the damn thing.

Drunk you was not smart. It was only after two minutes of your phone ringing did you realize you’d left it in the kitchen by the glass of whiskey you’d nursed. Another groan came from you as you pushed yourself off you bed, opening your eyes to see a nice dark room. It was when you planted your feet on the ground did you feel the aching headache knock its way into your head, making you press a hand on your scalp.

Fuck… You needed water and painkillers.

Your cell phone was exactly where you expected it to be, and when you grabbed it and answered the call, you were met with a loud voice. “(L/N) - WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?” Fowley yelled, and you recoiled, all sleep in your body melting away into panic.

“Um - at home? Why, what time is-” You checked your watch… It was 12:01 pm. Fuck. “Oh, shit- Captain, I’m so sorry-”

“Save it, (L/N). Between you leaving the scene last night and now missing work, I’m questioning your dedication to your job.” Guilt swelled in your chest and you placed your hand on your hip, biting your lip. “Hank and Connor are stopping by your place to pick you up. We have a situation on our hands.”

“A situation, sir?” you asked, confused now.

Fowley sighed over the phone, and you could almost hear his blood pressure entering dangerous zones. “Deviants hijacked the Stratford Tower. They broadcasted a list of demands.”

Your heart dropped, body turning almost automatically towards your living room. There were bottles everywhere, and you kicked them aside as you grabbed the remote. A few clicks and you saw it…

You saw the pale white figure of an android speaking. You heard him demand for equal rights, freedom, liberty…

“Be ready to go. Don’t fuck up this time.” There was a click, and you didn’t even have time to say goodbye. All you could do was watch the video broadcasted across the nation. You saw the calm determination in those blue and green eyes, the emotions conveyed better than most humans could. Those brown eyes that haunted you the night before came back, weighing you down as you fell into your couch.

Something was changing, and not just in you. The increase in deviants and this video being aired was not a coincidence. Androids were banding together to demand freedom and equality. They knew they could feel. They knew they were in the right.

Your hands were shaking.

A knock on your door snapped you from your trance, eyes darting over. Was that Hank and Connor? You quickly remember you weren’t wearing pants, and you cursed. “One minute!” you called, turning off the TV and going to run in your room.

“Detective (L/N)? Are you in there?” Godammit it was Connor. You suppressed a groan as you dug your hands into your scalp.

“Yes! Just...give me a minute!” you shouted, hoping the damn android would listen. There was silence, so you took that as agreement. Grumbling, you went to turn into your room only to slip on a beer bottle and smack your head into the floor. Black spots flickered in your vision as you cried out, distinctly tasting blood.

“Detective!” That voice sounded far away as you turned, groaning. You opened your eyes to see your ceiling, reaching up touch your nose. It stung, and when you pulled your fingers away they were covered in blood.

Something loud came from your door, and you raised your head to see Connor kicking it in. Your eyes widened at the sight, and despite the pain, the only thought in your head was _I’m not wearing pants._

You pushed yourself up, trying to use your long shirt to cover yourself. But Connor didn’t even seem to notice, stepping over the other bottles to get to you at an alarming speed. You raised a hand, trying to signal you were okay but he didn’t stop. He kneeled beside you, placing a hand on your back and pulling you up.

“You’re bleeding,” he said. That matter of fact tone made your lips twitch.

“I’m fine. You didn’t need to break my door down,” you grumbled, going to swat his hand away as he investigated your nose. It was only when he pressed a finger against your nose did you realize just how close he was.

You could see all the flecks of brown in his eyes, the varying shades that made them up. There were warm caramel stripes with amber and hazel around them. His nose was a sharp angle, the only sharpness he possessed. Everything else was soft. Even his fingers on your nose were soft.

“Your nose isn’t broken,” he said, and you huffed a noise of relief. “Where do you keep first aid supplies?” he asked, pulling back to look at you now. You really hoped his eyes didn’t stray.

“The bathroom,” you answered, and Connor nodded, wrapping your arm around his neck. You yelled out, face hot. “C-Connor! You don’t have to carry me!” you hissed, but he didn’t seem to stop.

“You’re hurt. I’m here to help,” he said and you groaned, trying to push off of him.

“Connor - really I don’t need-” It was too late. He was already opening your bathroom door and flicking on the lights. The messy sight greeted you and again, your face heated. But he didn’t seem to care as he helped you sit on the edge of your tub. He gave you a questioning look, and you sighed, pointing to the medicine cabinet. “In there.”

Connor opened it, taking out some hydrogen peroxide and grabbing a washcloth. He turned on the sink, running the cloth under it to wet it. Watching him was some mystical pastime. His movements were swift and calculated, never a moment wasted. And despite whatever he or others said, there was care in what he did. You could see it in the gentle way he put down the bottle of hydrogen peroxide, in how he inched closer and looked at your face with analytical eyes.

“You’re hungover,” he said and you bit your lip, trying to hide your shame with a shrug.

“I had a few drinks last night,” you replied nonchalantly, wincing when he pressed the rag against your bloody nose. Fuck, that hurt. Connor raised an eyebrow down at you.

“Based on the diagnostic scan I performed, your blood alcohol concentration was approximately .299. This is 3x the legal limit,” he said and you briefly wondered if he’d analyzed your breath. God, you must’ve stunk. You brushed it off though, rolling your eyes as he dabbed away the blood on your face.

“I was in my own home, Connor, not in public,” you sighed. He didn’t reply to that, instead finishing up cleaning your skin. Once he was pleased with the lack of blood, he stood back up - towering over you. You gulped, trying to ignore how vulnerable you felt. “Uh- let me get ready and I’ll meet you out in the car,” you said, getting up too. You tried to position yourself so he didn’t see anything revealing, but it was hard to when he blocked the doorway. A frown came onto your face as you looked to his eyes. “Um, I need to get into my bedroom for some clothes.”

“You were upset.” _Fuck._ He really wasn’t gonna let it go was he? You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms.

“Connor, now isn’t the time for this. We need to get to Stratford Tower,” you hissed. Usually he was the one all about the mission - not you. Funny how things changed. But the android didn’t budge. He simply stood there staring down at you, an unreadable expression painting his face. “Connor-”

“Your mental health may be suffering due to the case. It’s advised you rest and possibly seek psychological care,” he said and you rubbed your hands along your face with a groan.

“Great, now I’m having an intervention,” you sighed before glaring up at those brown eyes. “Listen, Connor, I watched a girl die last night.” He opened his mouth, surely going to correct you but you didn’t let him. “She may have been an android but she felt something. You?” Anger bubbled in your chest, fury making you jab a finger into his chest. “You don’t feel _anything_.”

This wasn’t you. This rage and anger and sadness wasn’t you. You didn’t lash out at androids. You didn’t treat them like shit, like you were Gavin. But he wouldn’t move. He wouldn’t get out of you way. He wouldn’t leave you alone. So for the first time, you treated Connor as nothing but an android. “Move,” you ordered.

He did, but for a moment, he lingered. For a moment, he still stood in your way. He held your gaze, he held his ground and he looked...sad? Hurt? Confused? But you brushed it off.

_You don’t feel anything._

Connor stepped aside, allowing you to walk past him and into your room. You almost wanted to apologize, but you chose not to. Instead, you closed your door, got dressed and grabbed the whiskey bottle you kept nearby. You took a quick shot of it before finding the old flask you hadn’t used since college. Opening it, you poured some of the whiskey into it before pocketing it.

You cast one look at yourself in the mirror, hating what you saw, and pulled on your coat.

What had you become?

 

Thankfully, Hank had taken the hint you were in a piss poor mood. Hell, at the first sight of you he rummaged in his car’s storage and pulled out some aspirin. “Here,” he said, voice gruff. “For the hangover.”

You’d popped four without a second thought. It didn’t make your headache go away.

Thankfully, the absolute pain you were in distracted you from the awkwardness in the car. There was an air of discontent between you and Connor, evident in the way you stared out the window in silence. The times you’d spent with Hank always consisted of you teasing him and never shutting up. But now? You were dead silent. Your eyes were distant. Your soul felt numb.

Connor had been right - your mental health _had_ been suffering. But you didn’t want to admit that. You couldn’t admit that. The moment you did it became real, and right now, you had to worry about this tower and the people responsible for infiltrating it.

And holy fuck was the tower a hot mess. Press surrounded the area, trying to get past the lines other police had set up. You felt your headache worsening just at all the yelling and lights, and really wished the deviants had chosen a different day. Preferably one in which you hadn’t gotten blacked out drunk the night before.

Thankfully, at the sight of the three of you, a few officers approached and escorted you into the building. It was even more of a mess in there, and it took a solid five minutes to get into the elevator. You didn’t even care about the awkwardness of being in the tight space with the android who’d broken into your house and seen you nearly nude. You were just thankful for being able to breathe freely.

You leaned against the wall of the elevator, reaching up and rubbing your forehead. “Fuck, my head hurts,” you groaned, and Hank tossed you a smirk.

“Welcome to my life,” he grumbled and you shot him a glare.

“You’re an alcoholic. I’m an occasional drinker. I’m not prepped for this,” you sighed and the old man rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

If Connor was annoyed by your bickering, he didn’t show it. You looked over to see him playing with a coin, easily tossing it back and forth. He even spun it on his fingers, something that nearly mystified you. You found it eerily calming, making the irritation in your chest untangle and the anger in your head soothe. As the beeps of the elevator rising echoed in the small area, you fell into a trance watching that coin.

Until Connor’s eyes flickered to you, catching you in your moment of vulnerability. Your eye widened, body stiffening as he tilted his head. The coin bounced to his other hand, and Hank growled, “You’re starting to piss me off with that coin, Connor!” He grabbed it from his partner, pocketing it. Connor gave the man a surprised look, appearing like a puppy who’d just been scolded.

You would’ve smiled if it wasn’t for the shame you felt for snapping at Connor. You shouldn’t have taken out your frustration on him. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t show sympathy to deviants. If he did, it meant he was one of them.

But this wasn’t the place for an apology. The elevator doors slid open to reveal a long hallway with various officers around. Hank and Connor stepped forward in synch, stepping out of the elevator as you lagged behind. You wanted to pull at the android’s sleeve and apologize. You wanted to tell him you’d been rude and a bitch and a complete Gavin. But you couldn’t.

So you instead bit your lip so hard you drew blood and followed them, faintly listening to the officer addressing them. Something about guards being incapacitated and one man getting away from the group of deviants. You cast a look around the hallway, impressed at how the group of deviants had managed to come so far. It took serious planning to pull this off with all the security and staff.

Hank stopped abruptly, glancing up and down the hallway whilst asking about staff. Connor waited by his side, but you brushed past them and entered the broadcasting room.

On it was the plain, base face of the android named Markus. You’d seen a short snippet of his message on your TV before coming here, but on this huge screen… You could see every fleck of green in his one eye and the spirals of blue in the other. You could see the calm fire burning in his chest.

And then you actually looked around.

 _Fuck._ There were numerous FBI agents around, all milling about and talking to one another. But most prominent of all was the short man in a peacoat standing in the middle of the room, hands held behind his back. He held his head up high, nose in the air. Your eyes narrowed at the sight, fingers balling into a fist. Who was that?

Hank and Connor came up from behind you, stopping just a bit in front. Hank crossed his arms, getting into his typical antagonistic posture. The peacoat prick shifted to face you all, a bitter smirk on his face. Fuck, you already hated him.

“This is Special Agent Perkins from the FBI, lieutenant. He’s in charge of investigating for Detroit Police,” an officer explained, gesturing to the man. Hank approached him, body loose in all of his intimidating fashion. You could practically feel the testosterone filling the room as they made eye contact.

The first thing Perkins said was, “What’s that?” He tossed a sharp nod towards Connor, a motion that made you scowl.

Connor, in all his typical glory, simply stood there and answered. “My name is Connor. I’m the android sent by Cyberlife.”

He chuckled without mirth. “An android investigating androids? You sure you want an android hanging around?” A tongue darted out, wetting his lips as his beady eyes narrowed. “After everything that happened…” You realized with an internal groan that Perkins was another Gavin, but one with actual power. One was bad enough, but two?

You knew Perkins was pressing Hank for a reaction, and surprisingly, Hank didn’t give him one. He simply watched the FBI agent with amused eyes, something that irritated him further. Perkins rolled his eyes. “Whatever, the FBI will be taking over the investigation. You’ll soon be off the case.”

That made your heart drop, eyes widening at the news. What did that mean? Your thoughts immediately went to Connor and what would happen. He’d been sent to DPD for the sole purpose of helping investigate deviants. If the FBI took over…

Hank wasn’t pleased either, promptly saying, “Pleasure meeting ya. Have a nice day.” He turned to walk away.

“Hey!” Perkins bit out, stopping the lieutenant. “Don’t fuck up my crime scene.” The man looked from Connor, to Hank and then to you. That smirk returned, twisting his face up as he brushed past you.

You purposefully jabbed your arm into his, making him stumble. But you didn’t wait for his reaction, instead approaching the workplaces staff had been seated at. You didn’t really know what you’d find or even what you were looking for, but you needed to do something to distract yourself.

You didn’t have to look for long. An array of bullet holes painted the wall of the room, going right to left towards the rooftop door. The sight made you pause and frown, crouching to investigate further. Blue blood was on the ground, splattered and following the bullet paths. The blood lead to the roof, which meant…

A deviant had been shot and wounded. A glance around the roof didn’t reveal an android’s body, however, meaning they’d either crawled out or another deviant had helped them. But based on the blood, the deviant was critically wounded. If they had jumped from the roof to escape then they couldn’t have taken it.

You looked over your shoulder to see Connor analyzing other bullet holes in the wall, and Hank milling about. There were no officers near the rooftop door. You could sneak to the roof and see if the deviant was there. You could help it, you could save it... but you could also lose your job. You could be held accountable for helping a deviant escape.

_What had you become?_

Fuck it. You cast one last look around the room and cursed, quickly darting over to the door. Your suspicions about the deviant being helped out was proved with the thirium covered fingerprints on the wall. That only spurred you on, giving you the courage to open the door and climb up the stairs.

Blue specks guided you towards a smashed door, surely knocked down by security when they were pursuing the group of deviants. Had they caught the injured one? You really hoped not. If they did, they could stop this Markus figure. And if Markus was stopped, what happened to whatever movement they were leading?

A few guards were strewn about, searching the area. Had they not found the deviant? “Shit,” you hissed, looking around for any signs of it. If it was injured it couldn’t have gone far, but you couldn’t try to find it with all of the guards nearby. You had to distract them. You clenched your jaw, trying to think of something to say. The guards up here weren’t FBI or DPD. And considering Hank and Connor just got here to investigate… You knew what to say.

Reaching up, you straightened your clothing and got out your badge. You never had directly gone against your department and what it stood for, but things were changing. You’d been frightened to admit it, but after seeing Markus speak… Fuck it.

Now was the time to be a bad bitch.

You strode forward, holding up your badge as you loudly addressed the guards. “Detroit Police Department. We’re taking over up here,” you said, fully aware of all the eyes now on you. Three guards paused in their movements, turning to face you. There were speculative expressions on their faces, and you realized you couldn’t go back now. “Lieutenant Anderson is here. He and his android partner have some questions for you.” You knew Hank didn’t, but fuck it. Connor would probably find something to ask anyways.

A woman crossed her arms, tilting her head. “Who are you?” she asked, and you waved your badge.

“Detective (L/N). I was brought here to investigate the break in. If you don’t mind, this is now a crime scene we’re in charge of,” you answered. The guards looked to one another, suspicious and questioning. A sigh came from you as you pocketed your badge. “If you’d like, I could take this up with your superiors.” The threat made them snap back to reality, clearly not willing to risk their jobs over some android. They begin to shuffle off the roof, grumbling to one another. You shot them a smile. “Thanks!”

Once they had disappeared from view, you glanced back towards the stairs. There was a path of blue coming up it. It was barely noticeable now, surely due to the guards messing up the scene. But your eyes had been trained for this, so you easily followed it to a remote corner of the roof.

And there… There you found the deviant.

He was huddled in a corner between a chimney and air conditioning unit, hand over his gut where he’d surely been shot. His eyes were fluttered shot, soft grunts coming from him as he lay there. He didn’t even look once you found him, surely in so much pain he could barely register his surroundings. Your hands began to shake at the sight of him - his blond hair, soft face and blue blood.

You could turn around and act as though nothing had ever happened. You could arrest him and do what everyone wanted you to do. But you chose not to do any of it.

Instead, you took a deep breath to steady yourself and approached him. When you were a few feet from him, he jolted awake. His eyes were blue, something that made you tilt you head in recognition before jumping back as he raised a gun at you. “Get back!” he coughed out, voice weak and scared. His hands were shaking as he held the gun. “I’ll shoot!”

You raised your own hands up, trying to convey you meant no harm. “I’m not here to hurt you,” you said, voice low. The gun wasn’t lowered, and those eyes didn’t seem convinced. Fuck were you going to be shot?

“You’re human,” he said shakily before noticing your badge. His other hand came off his wound to grip the pistol tighter. “You’re the _police._ ”

“I am,” you replied truthfully. “But I’m not armed.” You made a show of showing off your pockets, and you saw the confusion begin to settle in instead of panic. “I saw Markus’s video,” you said, and he recognized the name.

“Markus? Did they...Did they get away?” he asked, his one hand returning to his wound. Good, he was calming down. You were gaining his trust.

“Yes they did.” You took a step forward, hands still raised. “They got away. They’re safe.”

He nodded, letting out a loud breath of relief at the news. “Good, good… I’m glad,” he murmured, almost to himself. You noticed some blue blood peeking through his fingers. He would bleed out at this rate.

So you nodded towards him. “You’re bleeding out. You need help.”

A bitter chuckle came from him. “I’m going to die,” he whispered so quietly you almost didn’t hear him. Sadness painted his features as he resigned himself to his fate, eyes raising to the sky. It was then you realized why he’d been left with a gun…

_To shoot himself._

“I want to help you,” you said, taking another step forward. His eyes shot back to you, gun shaking even harder.

“You’re human,” he spat. “Why would you want to help me?”

Another step. “Because I believe in Markus,” you said. “I believe androids feel emotion. I believe they should be free.”

The deviant shook his head, gun still raised. “How can I trust you?”

You swallowed roughly. “Because I’m the only one that can get you off this roof and back to him,” you said. “Shoot me and we both die here.” You stopped now, only a foot or so away from the deviant. His hand was still raised, gun pointed directly at your head. You stared down the barrel, lip trembling and heart racing.

Would he shoot you?

Would he kill you?

The blonde man clenched his jaw, seeming to weigh both options for a moment before dropping the gun. He let out a wince at the movement, and you felt relief flood your veins. You took a deep breath to steady yourself as you rushed to his aide. The first thing you did was pry away his blood soaked hand, revealing the wound itself. You didn’t take a class on android biology, so you frankly had no idea what the fuck you were doing.

But you didn’t have to fix him permanently. You had to help him become stable, and then he could get out of here. You leaned back on your heels, seeing a mess of tubes and components ripped apart by the bullet. But after narrowing your eyes, you saw the bullet itself.

If you were to stabilize him, you needed to get that bullet out. And that would hurt. What would you use? You fumbled around in your pockets, hoping and praying that you’d thrown some stupid piece of trash in it. Surprisingly, you found a pair of gloves you’d stashed after the Eden Club investigation. Goddamn sometimes your nasty habits saved you.

You pulled them on, eyeing the wound again as you made your game plan. “So, what’s your name?” you asked, and the deviant shifted uncomfortably.

“Simon,” he said. “My name is Simon.”

“Well hey there, Simon. I’m (F/N),” you greeted, peeling away the bloodied android uniform. Soft skin lay underneath, marred by the ugliness of war. “I’m a detective with Detroit Police. I’ve been reading all about ya guys for months… Never thought this was how we’d meet.” You shot a grin up at Simon, who narrowed his eyes at you. He didn’t shoot you though. That was a good sign. “Do you guys drink?”

Simon frowned, shaking his head. “No. We’re not equipped with those abilities.”

Pursing your lips, you shrugged and pulled out the flask you’d pocketed earlier. “Guess this is for me then.” You knocked back a shot to calm your nerves, the familiar burn of whiskey soothing your anxiety. You could easily fuck up and kill him. You could easily get caught and punished. But it was now or never, and never seemed like a far away thing.

“What makes you happy?” you asked, and Simon the android...deviant... _person_ looked up to you.

“Markus.”

You reached into the bullet wound.

 

Simon was stable. After quickly pulling out the bullet ( _Operation_ really did pay off) and tearing off some of his shirt to stop blood loss, you’d assured him no one else would come to the roof and he’d be safe to leave soon. If you could, you’d try to get a message to this Markus to get a rescue mission underway. But you hadn’t made any promises.

Thankfully, the stairs back down to the broadcasting room were unoccupied. This gave you easy access back into the investigation, casually walking in as though you had never left. A quick glance to your watch revealed that you’d only been gone for 25 minutes. Various officers were looking around, an android even leaving the break room. Hank and Connor were surely still looking around.

Speaking of Hank, he was talking with some officers. You caught his eye, and he said goodbye to them. You approached him, gesturing to the area. “Where’s your partner?” you asked, and he grunted, crossing his arms.

“Off interrogating some androids,” he grumbled, and you arched a brow at him. “They suspect one is a deviant.” Of course Connor would be looking for the deviant. It almost made you bitter, lips pursing as you nodded. Hank noticed, facing you now. He was a bit taller than you, and you forgot how intimidating he could be. “The fuck happen between you two?”

You snorted. “What do you-”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I’m not a dumbass,” he said and you gave him a long look. Was he really going to have a talk with you about this? “Don’t give me that look,” he hissed and you flushed. “You two were all best friends until Eden Club. Now you can’t even look at him. The fuck happened?”

As if Hank would understand your sympathy towards androids. His entire desk was littered with anti-android shit. Hell, the dude even had a bumper sticker that said “Fuck Androids”. “When I saw that Eden Club girl die…” You trailed off, going back to that faraway place you found yourself in more and more now. Your fingers clenched, lips thinning. “Something changed.”

“And Connor didn’t change with you.” He said it so matter of factly, and you glared at him.

“No! That’s not it,” you hissed, but Hank rolled his eyes. You scowled at him. “He just… He didn’t care.” Something twisted in your chest when you said it...something that said _He does. He does. You’re wrong. You’re wrong._

Hank watched you for a moment, that same old look in his eyes. He’d been through a lot of shit. You didn’t know much about him other than the basics, but you knew he was haunted by his past. You knew he’d suffered. You knew he still suffered. “I think he cares more than you know.”

Whatever had been tangled and tight in your chest loosened at those words, and if you had an LED like Connor, it would’ve turned yellow. He had kicked in your door to make sure you were safe. He had tended to a dumb nose bleed...essentially told you to get help because you were upset and drinking.

Maybe he did care...in his own weird ways.

A bang came from the break room, making both you and Hank jolt to look over. Hank tensed, squaring his shoulders. “The fuck was that?” he asked, and you shook your head.

“I don’t know,” you hummed. Neither of you waited to find out. The Lieutenant walked over the break room, walking in with a high head to look around. You followed from behind him, casting a look over to the androids Connor had been interrogating. There were only two. Funny, hadn’t the officers from before mentioned-

“Connor!” Hank cried. Your eyes shot over to the man only to see…

“Connor!” you screamed, sprinting over to his body. He was on the ground, blood dripping from various parts of his body. His eyes were on both of you, hand up in a desperate attempt to grab someone. Hank was by his side almost immediately, helping him roll over onto his back.

You dropped to your knees, hand on Connor’s torso to assess the damage. A bio component had been ripped out of his gut, and a glance across the room revealed it. Your eyes widened at the sight. “Hank!” you yelled, pointing to the component. But Hank’s stare didn’t budge from Connor.

“Hang on son!” he whispered, and you pushed off the ground, scurrying over to grab it. Connor was gasping otu something about a deviant, Hank begging him to stay… It was all blocked out as you focused on your one task. Your hands wrapped around the piece to find it warm. But there was no time to mull. You crawled back to Connor’s side, grabbing his hand and holding it tight.

“Hang on Connor! Please!” you begged, pulling away his dress shirt to reveal the wound. It was covered in blood. “Connor! Please!”

Those fingers in yours tightened, and you looked down to see those brown eyes. They were on you, lips barely parting. That LED flashed yellow, then blue, then red and…

Those fingers let go. Those eyes faded away. And that LED turned off.

The biocomponent was still warm. He was still warm.

And he was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everything makes sense lore wise. Simon (our fav) is in this chapter and it never entirely was explained how he was escaped so I kinda filled in the holes here :shrug: If I'm just dumb and missed how he got off the roof then wHOOPS
> 
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	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader copes with Connor's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok - so I'm really scared to post this chapter. This is a very dramatic turn from the overall tone of the story, but I'm an angsty dramatic writer so here's this.  
> This chapter is very emotional, raw and intense. It's personal to me, but I really do hope that it can connect with the readers and so on.  
> That being said - thank you for 500 kudos. Message/comment with what you want written as thanks! I need ideas desperately so please send some : )
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Depression  
> Death  
> Suicide

Connor was dead. His blood still stained your skin. His biocomponent rest in your hand. His eyes remained in your mind.

You’d stopped crying hours ago, but your face was still wet from old tears. Numbness had taken its tight hold of you, buried deep in your chest and soothing your veins. But you still grieved. 

Yes, you still grieved.

They’d taken away Connor’s body an hour after he died. The deviant had killed others before it’d been apprehended, and their bodies had been tended to first. Their bodies had been covered with tarps as the officers and EMTS worked, but Connor’s? It’d been left there with nothing but itself. You’d taken off your jacket to cover him instead, and Hank had given you his own.

Even in death, he was treated like an outcast. Even when dead, he was treated as though he was nothing. He was treated as though he were some deer killed by wolves - its carcass left to rot and wither. You wouldn’t let him be a deer though. You’d held his hand, cast tears onto his body and grieved.

No one understood your pain. No one understood your sadness or your loss. 

“He was an android,” they said. “He wasn’t human.”

But they hadn’t felt his warmth. They hadn’t seen his eyes, his smile. They hadn’t felt his care. They hadn’t laughed at his dumb, weird jokes. They hadn’t, they hadn’t, they  _ hadn’t… _

You and Hank had. Both of you had spent the past week with him. Connor had joked with both of you. He’d investigated crime scenes with both of you, and he’d even saved you two from yourself and the bottle. 

Hank was right - Connor cared. And you’d been stupid enough to think otherwise. 

When they did come for Connor’s body, you didn’t move. You sat where his body had lay, eyes trained in a far away place. The biocomponent slowly began to cool, no longer warmed by his body. And slowly…. _ slowly _ ….the room was cleaned and there was no trace of what had just happened.

A familiar hand came to rest on your shoulder, gentle and hesitant. You didn’t flinch. There was nothing left to fear anymore when you’d seen it all. “C’mon kiddo… Let’s go,” Hank murmured, voice still gruff but now soft. If this hadn’t happened...if Connor hadn’t  _ died  _ then maybe you’d tease him.

You’d say something like, _ “I’m too cool to be your kid.”  _ Or maybe even,  _ “Ok,  _ **_dad_ ** _.”  _ But you just rose to your feet, eyes not leaving that same fucking place. Your eyes could never leave that same goddamn place. That hand moved from your shoulder to your back, keeping you straight and steady as you exited the room. 

He walked you down the hall, to the elevator and then out to his car. It was out there did you pause, finding it pouring rain. The cold drops of water beat onto your face as you raised it to the sky. Dark clouds hid the moon and its stars, concealing them from the reproachful eyes of humans and androids alike. You wondered if Connor had ever noticed this too.

Hank came to your side, following your gaze. “He saved us,” he said. You nodded, but didn’t say a word. He clenched his jaw before rubbing his face, nodding towards the jacket he’d given you. “Reach into the pocket there.”

You finally looked to him, meeting those old eyes.  _ Son,  _ he’d called Connor.  _ Son.  _ That was why he wasn’t like you right now. That was why he seemed...okay. “You lost your son, didn’t you?” you asked. 

Hank shifted, shoving his hands into his pockets as he squinted up through the rain. “Yeah,” he grumbled, nodding almost to himself. “Yeah. I lost Cole.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah.”

There was nothing but the steady thrum of heavy rain, blue blood slowly disappearing from your clothes and your hand in Hank’s pocket. Something cold and round touched your hand, and you pulled it out to find Connor’s coin. 

And suddenly, you weren’t so numb anymore. A cry ripped itself from your throat as you held it up, pressing it to your chest. You crumpled in on yourself, dropping to your knees as the all the emotions from just the past few days rushed in. Seeing the girl die, lashing out at Connor and watching him die knowing the last things you said were harsh and brutal? It made you sob. It made you fall. It made you break.

Arms wrapped around you, and you cried into the shoulder of Hank. You both had lost someone that day.

 

Hank didn’t bring you to your apartment afterwards. He didn't want you to be alone, worry and concern evident. Even though he wouldn’t admit it, you knew he didn’t want to be alone either. The bottle was both of your enemies.

The car ride had been silent. Hank hadn’t even been playing his shitty hard metal music, something that rarely occurred. For once all you were left with was the sound of rain - consistent and harsh against the windows. It followed you to his house - a place you hadn’t been to in a while since Connor arrived. You’d once been in charge of getting Hank when he was blacked out drunk, resulting in usually at least one visit per week.

But then Connor had arrived and there’d been no need to stop by.

Funny how things worked.

You knew Hank was as affected as you, but he was the one who helped you out of the car. He was the one who slowly trudged beside you up to his door. He was the one who unlocked it and held it open for you. It was those small things that made it easier to walk in, to smile down at Sumo as he slowly trotted over with his typical smile.

“Hey Sumo,” you greeted, kneeling down to run your fingers through his long hair. He looked up to you, leaning into your touch as you scratched behind his ears. A soft, approving grumble came from him and you pressed a kiss to his forehead. Immediately, a big, slobbery tongue ran along your face and you yelled out, trying to push Sumo away. He didn’t let up, however, knocking you down and giving kisses all over your face.

The tears were licked away. The frown you wore was licked away. And, disgustingly, the blue blood was licked away too. The pain you’d worn, the sadness you felt… Sumo took it all away, leaving you feeling lighter and softer than before.

Hank gave a soft chuckle, closing the door behind him. “Sumo missed you,” he said.

You summoned all your strength and pushed the hundred pound dog off of you. “Clearly,” you huffed, sitting up. Your face was sticky now from all the kisses, resulting in a groan as you tried to wipe off all the slobber. “Ugh…  _ Sumo,  _ really?” you hissed, shooting a glare towards the dog.

He just came back over to you, sitting down feet away. A soft bark came from him, as though he said,  _ “Yes! I love you human!” _ You rolled your eyes, standing with a sigh. You took off the coat Hank had lent you, turning to hang it on the coat hanger. Not wearing it anymore, chills took over you despite the warmth in the room. 

Hank strolled over to his TV, flicking it on before shooting a glance back to you. He frowned at the sight of you shivering, reaching up and rubbing his chin. “Shit, you need clothes huh?”

You gave him a look. “Preferably dry ones,” you replied and he rolled his eyes. 

“Wait there,” he said, raising a hand as he turned and walked down the hallway. You really hoped he didn’t make you wear his obnoxious printed dress shirts. You’d rather freeze to death than look like a millennial.

As Hank searched his closet and drawers for something for you to wear, you looked around the familiar room. The last time you’d been here was a few weeks ago, and much hadn’t changed. There was the vinyl with a collection of jazz music, something you never stopped teasing Hank about. The desk with his old laptop was still there, the device always open and rarely turned off. Beer bottles and trash lay on the ground, and the kitchen was no less.

It was like nothing had changed. Except everything had.

Including the broken window…

You frowned, approaching the boarded up area. Some bits of glass still remained on the ground. The fuck? “What happened to your window?” you asked loudly, and a loud groan came from Hank in his room. 

“Connor did that. He came over the night of Eden Club and broke in when he saw me blacked out,” he said, and you nearly laughed. 

You nearly went to say, “Yeah, that’s typical Connor!” but you caught yourself.

It  _ was  _ typical Connor.

Whatever happiness you felt when Sumo had kissed you dissolved, leaving you heavy and numb as you looked at the board. He’d been here a day or so ago. He’d jumped through Hank’s window to help him. Then he’d gotten Hanks’ shit together, no doubt, and had gone to Eden Club.

Where you proceeded to tell him off. Where you treated him like shit, like you were Gavin or some prick.

The only thing heavier than your sorrow was your guilt. 

Footsteps came up from behind you, and you turned to face them. It was Hank with a pile of clothes in his hands. From the looks of it, there was nothing stripey or animal patterned. Thank God for that. “Here,” Hank said, holding them up to you. “Take a shower. Get changed.” You took the clothing from him, body still heavy and sore. Hank seemed to notice, frowning to himself. “You need sleep.”

“I don’t want to,” you said.

“You need to.”

“I don’t-”

Hank fixed you with  _ that  _ gaze, something that made you close your mouth. He didn’t even say anything - he just  _ looked  _ at you long and hard enough that you gave in. “Fine… I’ll take a shower,” you sighed, hugging the clothes tighter to your chest. The old man nodded with approval before wandering over the fridge, grabbing two beers.

“Good,” he grunted, opening one and taking a swig. You didn’t move for a moment, just watching him drink. He looked at you from the side of his eyes, nodding towards the other bottle. “Well? You gonna stand there like a dumbass?” You flipped him off before turning on your heel, walking to the bathroom. You’d have that beer when you got out. No doubt you’d need it.

Surprisingly, Hank had already started a shower for you. You closed the door behind you, setting the clothing down on the counter. Running a hand under the shower’s water, you found it warm and the bathroom steaming. Still, in the wet clothes you wore, you found yourself shivering and cold.

You peeled off your shirt first, dropping it with a wet slap to the ground. Next came your pants, socks, undergarments… It wasn’t long until you stood nude in the middle of the bathroom. It felt odd to be vulnerable in every aspect. Your soul had been lay bare, and now so was your body. 

You were naked in every aspect as you faced yourself in the mirror. Looking to your eyes revealed a myriad of emotions - anger, sorrow, grief… Looking to your body revealed a myriad of scars - scrapes from running to Connor, his blood still on your torso… You reached up and ran a hand across the thirium only to find it dry. It stuck to your skin until it would dissolve in an hour or so. But you couldn’t keep it there.

You couldn’t let Connor’s death keep you there.

So you climbed into the tub, letting the roasting hot water scorch your skin. It burned away at the cut skin. It hurt, but it grounded you there. It made you feel something other than grief. You needed that. You needed to feel something else.

You grabbed the bar of soap and a washcloth. You ran the soap into where Connor’s blood remained, scrubbing and scrubbing until the bar was nearly gone. Then you scratched away at the blue until you bled.

You scratched away at the blue until it was red. 

 

Time passed by in a weird fashion as you showered. You scrubbed and cleaned yourself until the water turned cold, bitter and harsh against your skin. You didn’t stop until your skin was raw and pink. There couldn’t be any of him on you. There  _ couldn’t.  _

You swore you’d only been in the shower for maybe thirty minutes, so caught up in your thoughts you lost track. But when you exited the bathroom you found Hank asleep on the couch, head lolled back and snoring loudly. A quick glance to the clock revealed it to be 8 pm. The two of you had gotten to his house around 6:15. 

Sumo was on the couch next to Hank, his head on his lap. Those big eyes were on you, and he began to pant with a smile on his face. The sight made you feel less alone as you approached the couch. Sumo raised his head as you picked up the beer Hank had left for you on the coffee table, easily opening it from years of experience.

At the sound, Hank stirred with a groan. He lazily opened his eyes to look at you, blinking a few times before registering your appearance. A chuckle came from him. “Looks good on ya,” he said, cracking his back as he sat up.

You took a swig of your beer, cherishing the disgusting taste of it. If it got you drunk, who gave a fuck what it tasted like? “I hate it,” you said after a moment, casting a look down to your body. The sweatpants were fine, but the Babymetal shirt? “You’re a real millennial, you know that?”

Hank rolled his eyes. “Fuck off,” he sighed and you smirked at him before taking a seat beside him. The TV was still on, playing the news. Unsurprisingly, they were still covering the video sent out by Markus. Various clips showed the android, those haunting blue and green eyes picking you apart. Hank was watching too, an unreadable expression on his face. What happened now that Connor was gone? Would the investigation immediately be passed off, or did Hank still have time to follow some leads?

“What happens now?” you asked, beer in your hand and feet on his table. 

Hank didn’t speak for a moment, eyes still on the TV. The segment changed to report that a deviant inside Stratford had helped the “terrorist group of deviants” break in. They said once it’d been caught, it gunned down law enforcement. Apparently it was in police custody, something that made your eyes narrow and mind race. But not once did they mention Connor. Not once did they mention his death.

He didn’t matter. Androids didn’t matter.

“I don’t know,” Hank finally said. 

But sitting there - watching the news coverage and thinking of all that had happened, you realized you knew. 

So you sat there and drank until Hank fell back asleep. You waited until he was snoring loudly, the cue for you to stand up quietly and shuffle to the kitchen table where you knew his keys were. Grabbing them, you pulled on the wet sneakers you’d wore earlier before stealing another one of Hank’s coats. You were prepared. But you paused, eyes returning to Hank.

He lay there - asleep. But on the coffee table was his gun. Your heart stuttered. Did you need it? Did you  _ want  _ it? You swallowed.

You grabbed the weapon, shoving it into your waistband. And without a second thought, you opened the door and disappeared into the night. 

You knew what you needed to do. 

 

The only CDs Hank had in his car were death metal, and on any other occasion, you’d be listening to some crappy radio station. But the screaming really fueled your anger. It made your knuckles tight on the wheel as you drove to the police station, the cool weight of Hank’s gun keeping you grounded.

You knew what you had to do.  _ You knew what you had to do.  _

You pulled up to the station, squealing to a stop. You’d be embarrassed but fuck it. There were bigger things to worry about - like how you’d pull this off. Opening the door, you entered into the station. Thankfully, since it was around 10 at night, there weren’t many androids active and very few people there. The service android only engaged in polite conversation as she checked you in, not even sparing a look towards you Babymetal shirt. You were beginning to like androids more than humans. 

Humans were the one that posed the most risk at the moment anyways. As you entered the office, you knew all eyes would be on you. Thankfully, however, only a few officers were present. Most didn’t look up from their activities, surely overloaded with work. The few that did recognize you didn’t press. It was well known what had happened today. Your meltdown was surely being whispered among the ranks.

But fuck it. You knew what you needed to do.

You walked over to your desk, opening a drawer to grab your clearance card. Good, you could get into the archive room where you knew was-

“(L/N)... Not drinking yourself to death again?” You suppressed a groan, closing your eyes as you took a deep breath. Fuck. Of course Gavin would be here. And of course he’d come over to harass you. You closed your fist around your key card before closing the drawer, turning to find your face right in Gavin’s chest. And of course he would have no spatial awareness.

“Hello, Gavin,” you sighed, raising your head to look up at him. As you made eye contact he frowned.

“You look like shit,” he said and you fixed him with a glare. 

“Thanks Gavin. I made sure to look bad  _ just  _ for you,” you hissed and he rolled his eyes, putting his hands on his hips. “Is there something you need? Or are you just here to be an asshole?” you asked.

Gavin stumbled back a bit, fixing you with a surprised glare. Sometimes you could tolerate him. But not tonight. “Damn, what pissed you off tonight?” he asked.

You narrowed your eyes up at him. “Are you that dumb you already forgot?” you hissed. And you wouldn’t put it past him. Gavin  _ was  _ a dumbass. 

His eyes squinted at you, lips thinning as he thought for a moment. His hand came up to rub his chin thoughtfully before he lit up. “Ah! You’re upset over our plastic friend being shot.” Gavin sounded so proud of himself for figuring it out. You rubbed your face.

“Yes,  _ Connor,”  _ you sighed, correcting him.

He waved you off. “Yeah, whatever… You do know he’ll be repaired, right?” Now he was talking like  _ you  _ were a dumbass. Your hands twitched. God give you the patience to not hit him. 

“He won’t be the same,” you said, a twinge of sadness appearing in your words. That made Gavin frown, crossing his arms again. You bit your lip, looking towards Hank’s desk. Just a day ago, you’d seen Connor standing there. You’d talked with him, joked with him… And then you’d seen him die in front of your eyes, the very component you needed to fix him still in your hands. 

You were responsible for this. And so -  _ you  _ would fix it.

“Look, Gavin, do you need something? Or are you just here to be a dick?” you said, cutting right to the chase.

“I was here to check on you,” he said, actually sounding angry. On normal occasions, that would have made you pause for a moment and actually listen to him. But this wasn’t a  _ normal occasion.  _ This was far from normal. 

“Well, I’m great,” you snapped, slamming your drawer closed. Your sorrow was disappearing, being replaced by hot white anger. “Now move. I got shit to do,” you hissed, pushing past him. He was shoved to the side, stumbling for a moment as you strode down the aisles. The archive room wasn’t far. Once downstairs, you could see  _ it. _

Fingers wrapped around your wrist though, jerking you to a stop. You cursed, spinning around to see Gavin scowling at you. “What the fuck are you doing?” he spat, fingers tight. You tugged in attempt to loosen his grip.

“None of your fucking business,” you snarled, unable to break free. What the  _ fuck?  _ “Let me go!” 

He spotted the keycard in your hand, and while you said he was dumb, he was smart enough to get hired as a detective. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together - the deviant killing Connor, you not being able to save his life, the deviant being caught and considered as evidence… His eyes widened, the grip tightening even more somehow. “Are you going to the basement?” he asked.

Your lips curled into a snarl as you tugged with all your might. “None of your fucking business, Gavin. Let me go!” you demanded but he shook his head, laughing wildly.

“Do you think I’m a fucking idiot? I’m not going to let you compromise this investigation just to get some stupid fuckin revenge!” 

He wasn’t going to let you go. He wasn’t going to let you down there so you could get revenge on the deviant who’d taken Connor. So, you did the next logical thing. You stopped tugging as he pulled forward, still expecting you to resist. This resulted in you flying forward towards him. Already prepared, you angled your shoulder to hit him. Oh, and it did.

Your shoulder collided with Gavin’s chin, resulting in a loud smack as he fell on his ass. His head hit the ground, a groan coming from him as he lay there. Sadly, you hadn’t knocked him out for good. But this gave you enough time to get to the archive room. And that’s what you did.

You sprinted over to the door without a second thought, opening it and running down the stairs. Once you were down there, you walked up to the terminal that allowed access and logged in. The evidence screen came up, and you confirmed its appearance. Within moments, the panels slid open to reveal all evidence related to the deviant cases.

Including  _ it.  _

The android that had killed Connor. It was there - strapped to the wall like a trophy. Blue blood painted its forehead, and at the sight of it, you found your hands trembling. With shaky breaths, you walked around the terminal and approached it. But it wasn’t alive. It wasn’t alive like you thought it would be.

It was deactivated. 

Frustration swelled in your chest. “Fuck!” you yelled, throwing a punch down into your thigh. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” you screamed, reaching up and combing your fingers through your hair. You couldn’t make this right. With the android essentially already dead, you couldn’t make things right.

You couldn’t get justice for Connor. You couldn’t have made it up for getting him killed. You couldn’t do  _ anything.  _

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck… _

You flexed your fingers, pacing in a circle as rage and frustration consumed you. It was crawling up your throat, raking vicious cuts into your soul. It was controlling, it was abusive, it was evil. You kept hitting your thigh. 

What did you do? What could you do? There had to be  _ something  _ you could do. There had to be a way to reactivate it. You pat your hand on your thigh as you thought. What had they done to the deviant who’d killed Connor? What parts had they taken out?

The case files would know. You spun on your heel, approaching the terminal. The case files had to say what happened to it. It was procedure.

You were right, for once. The case files stated what part had been damaged and removed. If you could find the missing part… But where? There was no way you could just walk upstairs and demand a service bot handed over a compatible component. 

“Fuck!” you hissed, punching the terminal. It sputtered for a moment as you sat there, staring at the deviant. It hung there on the wall like a trophy. So many things hung up there as prized possessions. Even the deviant Connor had negotiated with hung on the other end. Wait… What parts did the deviant have?

You flipped back to the file on it to find the report had been written by Connor himself. The sight of his name made you pause, heart stuttering and blood draining. He’d written this when he was alive - before you failed him. Tears bubbled to your eyes, and you closed them to suppress crying. The warm drops of water dripped onto the terminal as you pushed back your grief.

You had a mission, just like Connor did. You had to get justice for him. You had to kill the deviant once and for all for him. 

So you took a deep breath, steadying yourself as you opened your eyes. You searched the document for the damaged components, and which ones remained. After quickly cross referencing the two case files, you found the part the deviant needed. You could do this now. You could get the part you needed and reactivate the deviant. 

With a newfound determination, you jogged over to the other deactivated deviant. Based on some diagrams in the case files, you knew where to get the part. But as your fingers graced the deviant’s skin, you paused. You looked over to its face, finding a familiar face looking back to you. 

It was the face of the deviant on the room you’d helped… It was Simon. Well, it wasn’t actually Simon but it was the same model as him. The sight made you pause, fingers withdrawing from its body. What was this one’s name? 

Daniel. His name was Daniel, and he killed the father of the family once he found out they intended to replace him. He’d then taken the little girl hostage and threatened to kill both her and himself.

He was… He was scared. 

The brown eyes of the android at Eden’s Club came back, making you stumble back with a gasp. She was scared.

The brown eyes of Connor returned, making your hands shake and mind race. He was scared.

And here you were - about to fucking cut up someone that  _ felt  _ things. Your thoughts tripped over each other as you stood there, shaking and trembling. 

What had you become?

_ What had you become? _

You were a fuck up. You had failed the girl at Eden’s Club. You had failed Connor. You had failed everyone including yourself. You couldn’t figure out the deviant cases, you had arrested and been responsible for the loss of dozens of deviant’s lives. And now you almost cut open an android to get a  _ part -  _ essentially a human organ. You deserved this pain. You deserved it all.

You were...disgusting. Evil. 

Your fingers were at your waistband, pulling out the gun you’d stolen from Hank. You knew there was one bullet in the chamber. Russian roulette was his favorite past time, counting down until there was no more time to consider. You never had tried the game. Maybe now was the time for that.

The gun was cold in your weight as you raised it, flicking back the hammer. You heard it reload, raising it to your temple as you looked at the deviant that had killed Connor. You’d treated so many deviants like shit. You’d hurt them. You’d killed them. 

You’d let Connor die.

Your finger closed around the trigger, breathing shaky as you raised your eyes to the ceiling. There was nothing left for you - just an empty apartment, a case going off to the FBI, a graveyard full of androids who wanted nothing but to be free.

You pulled the trigger, and nothing happened. There was a click, and again your life was spared for whatever sick, odd reason. You closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath as you lowered the weapon. Alive. You were alive. And why?

Connor wouldn’t come back. The investigation was being handed off to the FBI. Why would Cyberlife repair him? And even if they did, it wouldn’t be him. He was dead.

You sighed as you flicked the chamber, seeing it spin before stopping. Again, you pulled the hammer, raised the gun and-

“(Y/N)! What the fuck are you doing?” a voice yelled, and you turned to see both Hank and Gavin by the entrance into the room. Both were pale, looking absolutely terrified and you didn’t blame them. You must’ve been a sight: a suicidal crying detective wearing a Babymetal shirt in old sweatpants. This wasn’t how you thought you’d die, but oh well. Connor surely didn’t plan to die either.

“I’m playing Russian Roulette,” you said, smiling. “I’m sure you’re familiar with it, Hank.” That made him clench his jaw, raising his hands in a non-threatening manner.

“Yeah,  _ I  _ am. Not you,” he hissed, taking a step forward. Your eyes narrowed, body stiffening as you raised the gun higher. He stopped, afraid you’d shoot. And you would. You fucking would. 

“I always felt bad for you, Hank. You were so depressed over something, but when Connor died I put it all together. You felt responsible for your son’s death,” you whispered, hands shaking. “You tried to save him but you couldn’t. I never truly understood how that felt, but now I do.” A shaky breath. “I do now.”

“Are you really gonna kill yourself over some dumb androids?” Gain hissed, and you rolled your eyes. Hank shot him a glare, and he shrugged. “What?! It’s not like you got some kid killed!”

“I’m the one with a gun, Gavin,” you said, shaking it for emphasis. “Remember that.”

He rubbed the back of his head. “Trust me I know.”

Hank faced you again now. He looked so, so scared. “C’mon kid… Don’t do this. Don’t shoot yourself,” he begged, taking a step forward. 

The use of a pet name made your tears come faster as you sobbed, gripping the gun so hard your hands ached. You were shaking. You were a hot mess. “Why not?” you cried. “Why shouldn’t I? I’ve failed everyone.”

“Connor wouldn’t have wanted this.” That made you pause. That made your heart stutter and tears stop. Hank noticed, taking another step towards you. “Connor wouldn’t have wanted you to kill yourself.”

“He didn’t want anything other than to finish the investigation,” you hissed. 

Hank shook his head. Another step… “You and I both know that’s not true. He cared.”

“He  _ did…  _ He did before I got him killed,” you sobbed. 

“You didn’t get him killed,” Hank hissed, eyebrows furrowing. His eyes were flitting from the gun to your face, terror evident. You clenched your jaw, holding off your empathy. You couldn’t stop this. Not now. “He died because of that deviant.” His finger raised, and you looked to the side. The deviant hung there, deactivated. You wondered if Connor hung somewhere too - discarded like a piece of trash.

You swallowed, looking back to Hank. “He died because I couldn’t-”

Something hit you -  _ hard.  _ It came from your side, knocking you down. Your head smacked on the ground. Black spots flickered in your vision, a loud clatter coming from nearby. A groan came from you as you opened your eyes to see Gavin hovering over you, legs over your waist. He was keeping you held down godammit. 

Fuck, where was the gun?

You looked over, a gasp in your throat as you saw Hank grabbing his gun. He opened the chamber, emptying it. A bullet dropped, and you realized the next shot would have killed you. 

Frustration bubbled in your chest, anger behind it. “No!” you screamed. Your eyes returned to Gavin, who appeared absolutely horrified as he stared down at you. He looked...sad? Tears pooled at your lips as you spit at Gavin, hitting him square in the face. But he didn’t reach up to wipe it off. He didn’t risk you getting up. “Get off of me! Let me go!”

He didn’t. Gavin didn’t move, just sitting there as he watched you dissolve. Tears came faster and harder as you hit Gavin’s arms, punches becoming weaker and weaker as your sobbing became harder and harder. Eventually you stopped hitting, going limp on the ground as your anger and guilt and sorrow filled you completely.

Eventually, Gavin’s weight was lifted. You reached up and wiped away your tears to see Hank beside you, reaching over. His arm wrapped around you as he pulled you in close. You fell into his chest, burying your head into the crook of his neck as you sobbed. His own chin rest on top of your head, soft shushes coming from him.

“I got you,” he whispered. “I got you, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope that the chapter was satisfactory. I did put a lot of work into writing it, rewriting it and rewriting it again.
> 
> TLDR for those who skipped over the suicide attempt scene:  
> The reader goes to the police station in an attempt to find the deviant who killed Connor. There she runs into Gavin who catches onto her plan. She knocks him on his ass and runs to the archive room. There she realizes to reactivate the deviant she must take parts from another one. She goes to do so but then remembers deviants are essentially human. She feels disgusted by herself (wanting to go so far she’d hurt something she considers human) and takes out a gun she stole from Hank. Eventually him and Gavin stop her. 
> 
> Like what you read?
> 
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> Comments mean the world to me. Hearing your thoughts makes writing worth it every time. 
> 
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> Kudos help get this story recognized!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! Send in suggestions for what a thank-you chapter should be!  
> https://deviantshunter.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> And most importantly...  
> Have a great day/night!
> 
> And even more importantly, always remember your life means something. People love you even if it feels like they don't. Your life matters even if that nasty voices says it doesn't. As someone who was severely depressed and hospitalized, I promise you it does get better.  
> Suicide is never the answer.  
> If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone and get help.  
> If you're feeling suicidal right now, please call 1-800-273-8255.  
> Thank you. <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of your suicide attempt leaves many questions to be asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! how are ya'll?
> 
> i first want to thank you guys for the AMAZING feedback to the last chapter! it was incredibly hard to write and scary to post. suicide can oftentimes be glorified, and i was frightened i was just doing that. im very pleased and happy to hear, however, that the situation was handled decently on my part.
> 
> THAT BEING SAID - this is more of a filler chapter. BUT i will be posting a HUGE chapter on monday, and then another chapter wednesday. this change in schedule is due to my family and I leaving for the Bahamas on thursday! i'll try to update there, but i definitely need a vacation. i've been EXHAUSTED!
> 
> also huge shoutout to my beta readers! r (a true friend! <3) and my homegirl liz! they both work super hard to keep me on track and my writing good. so huge thanks to them <3
> 
> AND NOW - ENJOY~!

Once Fowley caught wind of your suicide attempt, you were taken off the case and put on leave for a week. Hank confiscated your gun and badge, turning them in to the Captain for you. You’d told him you’d be fine to stop in and turn them in yourselves, but he didn’t want to risk triggering you. So he called in a “friend” to keep watch over you as he stopped at the station. You didn’t think Hank _had_ friends, and you were proven right when Gavin walked in.

Hank must’ve been desperate to ask that fuckface for help.

You huffed at the sight of him entering Hank’s house, still angry at him for stopping you the night before. He noticed your anger, raising his arms with a big grin. “Happy to see you too!” he said and you flipped him off, curling in on yourself as you watched TV.

Thankfully, Sumo was laying next to you on Hank’s couch. His head was on your knee, soft snores coming from his body. That forced Gavin to have sit at the other end of the couch. Sumo raised his head at the shift of weight, sniffing at the man before farting. God you loved dogs. Gavin shot a disgusted look to the dog, but Sumo just rolled over onto his back and snored louder.

That made you smile softly, resting your chin on your palm as you turned your attention back to the news. This was how you’d spent the past twelve hours. After your attempt, Hank had nearly dragged you to a nearby hospital. But after you begged him not to, he’d brought you back to his house where he locked all the doors and hid anything potentially harmful. You’d told him not to waste his time - you were too tired to die anyways.

When you weren’t sleeping, you were watching TV. You never moved from the couch except to use the bathroom, which Hank had to embarrassingly unlock each time. Sumo was always next to you, never leaving for a moment as Hank was on his laptop or watching TV with you. Not once did you see him sleep. There were dark bags under his eyes, exhaustion evident as he always kept an eye on you.

So you weren’t surprised he was so hesitant to leave to visit Fowley, not were you shocked when he called someone to babysit you. But why Gavin? He was the least sympathetic person you knew. Stopping you from killing yourself was probably his first “good deed” in life.

He noticed your surprise, sighing loudly. “Listen, I didn’t wanna come here,” he said, and you looked at him from the corner of your eye. He wore an annoyed expression. His brows were furrowed, that ugly frown twisting his face. God you wished you’d hit him harder. “This is the last place I wanna be at,” he snorted.

You watched him for a moment before turning your attention back to the TV. You expected yourself to be mad at him, to flip him off or curse him out. Maybe you’d even cry, demanding _why_ he stopped you from shooting yourself. But instead you felt absolutely….numb. All the emotions that had catapulted you forward yesterday had been thrown into the world, leaving you utterly drained. There simply was nothing left to be felt anymore. “Me too,” you whispered.

That made Gavin pause, the man lifting his head to stare at you straight on. You didn’t return the gaze. “Why did you do it, (Y/N)?” he asked, voice raspy and sincere. You still didn’t look. “Why did you try to kill yourself?”

“Careful, Gavin,” you murmured, smiling bitterly. You tossed a glance over at him. He looked...upset. “You sound like you might care.”

That made Gavin curse, rapidly spinning around to face you. His finger was pointed at you, rage printed on his features. “Don’t give me that shit,” he growled, and you stared at him blankly. His pupils were small from his anger, face flushed and hair messy as he yelled. “Of course I fucking care! Why the fuck wouldn’t I?”

You recalled all the times he’d given you shit - when he’d gotten in your face over you protecting Connor, when he’d given the android trouble as he arrived at Eden’s Club. He treated everyone around him like trash. “Don’t fucking lie to me,” you snapped back, turning to face him. Sumo raised his head at the tension. “You treated me like utter _shit_ over these past years, Gavin,” you spat. “You’ve gotten in my face, you’ve insulted me and demeaned me. You don’t get to say you care just because I almost died.”

“You didn’t almost die - you almost _killed yourself,”_ Gavin shouted, jumping to his feet. He took a step forward, closing in on you as he yelled. “And for what? Some androids being broken? Guess what? They don’t fucking matter!”

You got to your feet now too, fury replacing the numbness you’d resigned yourself too. “They do fucking matter, Gavin!” you screamed. Gavin scoffed, raising his palm to his face. “They’re people too!”

“No they’re not!” he snarled, taking a step forward. You tensed, hands going to your side as you prepared to fight. Gavin noticed, the sight making him pause and expression soften. He saw you ready to defend yourself. He saw you thought he’d hit you. A sigh came from him as he took a step back, calming himself down. “Look,” he began, infinitely calmer. You still felt anger in your blood. “I understand Connor meant a lot to you, for whatever reason. And I know that android at Eden’s Club hit you hard too, for whatever reason.” You crossed your arms, fixing him with a glare. “But those aren’t valid reasons to kill yourself.”

“I failed them, Gavin,” you whispered, shame creeping up on you. “I took an oath to protect people, and I failed them.”

Gavin shut his mouth, clearly not agreeing but decided not to pursue the subject. “Connor wouldn’t want this,” he said, almost biting it out. It must’ve pained him to say it. It pleased you to hear it, but you weren’t entirely convinced.

“Connor’s dead,” you said.

“And what? You think you’re gonna meet him in android heaven and you two can investigate heaven homicides for eternity?” Gavin laughed.

“I let him die,” you hissed. “I let that girl at Eden’s Club die, and I turned in dozens of deviants. They just wanted to live, Gavin. And I led to their death.”

“You did your job,” he bit back. “You did what you were supposed to.”

“That doesn’t excuse it,” you murmured, feeling the tears prick at your eyes. Your guilt was unexplainable, unimaginable. It was controlling and suffocating. You didn’t know how to _breathe._ “I deserve it.”

“Then get out there and make it right!” Gavin shouted, pointing to the door. Sumo got up now, a bark in his throat as Gavin stepped forward. You didn’t feel afraid though. “You want to make up for that... _girl_ dying? For Connor dying? Get off your ass and do something.” He was angry. You could see it in every corner and line on his face. But there was genuine concern too.

“Why do you care, Gavin?” you asked, voice low and muffled. He almost didn’t catch your words, but you know he heard them. “Why?”

He paused for a moment, simply staring at you. But finally he relaxed, rubbing at the bags under his eyes. “Because while you’re annoying, fucking dumb and a bitch sometimes-” You flipped him off again. “You’re ultimately a good person.”

But you _weren’t._ He saw the disbelief on your face, and raised a hand before you could dispute his claim. “Don’t. Just...don’t. Don’t make me go on,” he sighed. “I feel sick from being so nice.” He gagged for emphasis, and despite how much you fucking hated his guts, you spared a quick, soft smile. That made something lighten in his eyes as he looked at you. “Wow, is that a smile?’ he asked, taking a step forward as he fixed you with a purposefully skeptical gaze. His fingers came up to your cheek as he went to pinch it, and you smacked it away.

You lifted a finger at him, eyes wide. “Just because you said a few nice things to me doesn’t make us friends, Gavin,” you bit back and the man rolled his eyes, returning to his spot on the couch. He flopped down, moving his attention to the TV.

“Fine by me,” he said nonchalantly. The tension disappeared in the room now, but you still stood there for a few moments to simply watch him. Was he serious, or was he feeling guilt over all the times he’d treated you like shit? Maybe it was both, but you didn’t have the energy to mull it over.

So instead you took the spot next to him, and watched TV too. There was nothing else the two of you could do.  


You were planning on spending all day on the couch with Sumo and Gavin, not moving except to pee and get food. It sounded fine to you - but apparently Hank wasn’t in agreement. Around noon the old man slammed open the door, making Sumo jump up and bark. You cursed in surprise, throwing the man a dirty look. Gavin was startled too, yelling, “Jesus, Hank! What the fu-”

Hank interrupted him though, fixing you with a wide-eyed stare. He raised his finger to you. “Get ready. We gotta go,” he said, and you gave him a look of disbelief.

“Wha- Go where?” you asked, standing as Hank quickly walked to his room. You followed him, crossing your arms as you entered his room. He was grabbing a laundry basket, and a look closer showed he’d cleaned your uniform. Fuck, that really meant you had to make yourself look decent. “What’s going on?”

He grabbed your uniform and tossed it to you, barely giving you time to react. “Get dressed. I’ll explain in the car.” You shot him a glare, opening your mouth to argue but he stopped you. “Shut the fuck up and get dressed. I’ll be in the car.”

Hank left his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. You stood there in the middle of the room, looking dumbfounded and like a hot mess. You’d showered the night before, but it was incredible how much grease had accumulated. Shaking your head with a sigh, you turned and undressed.

Taking off the clothing you wore when you tried to shoot yourself was...odd. It was like shedding a skin only to put on an old one. Gone was the tears and sweat and pain, and on was the blood of the girl in Eden’s Club and Connor. You looked like a detective, but as you looked at yourself in the mirror you didn’t feel like one.

_You’re ultimately a good person._

Was it pathetic you actually reassured yourself by restating something _Gavin_ had said? Maybe, but if it helped you open up Hank’s door and get in his car who gave a fuck? If holding the coin Connor had once held gave you the courage to move and get back out there, then who gave a fuck? So you did all of that - used Gavin’s reassurances, held Connor’s coin, and you opened the door.

As you left, Gavin was up and ready to exit too. Sumo was still laying on the couch, sprawled and pleased with the sudden space he could possess. That made you smile, something Gavin raised a brow at. “You done being a drama queen?” he asked, and you flipped him off. It was his turn to smile, something he tried to hide as he turned and opened the door. You wanted to give him shit, but you didn’t.

As you walked over to Hank’s car, you gave one last glance to the android-hating man. His car was old and beat, clearly having been owned for a long time. You saw him sit in the driving seat and pull out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one before he took a long drawl. There were shadows under his eyes - a past that haunted him and kept him from sleep. No one was born with hate.

 _Thank you,_ was on your lips - something that had been on Connor’s not long ago. It felt raw and fresh - something salt would burn away in seconds. But it was there, and that’s all that mattered.

You opened Hank’s passenger seat door, plopping down beside the man. His shitty metal music was playing again as he gave you a long look. Yikes, that wasn’t good. “So, why’d you come in the house like a bat out of hell?” you asked, and Hank clenched his jaw, putting the car in reverse.

“I got an appointment,” he said.

“And why the fuck does that concern me?” you asked, baffled.

“Because it’s with Elijah Kamski.” Your blood turned cold. “And he has Connor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy what you read? Consider....
> 
> LEAVING A COMMENT!  
> I truly cherish each comment. I read each one, smile over it (especially when someone cries haha) and save them all!
> 
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> Have a great day/night!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Kamski.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I present to you - one of the most intense chapters! I'm ultimately very proud of this chapter, and chapter nine is also another personal favorite. Which means you got two "Kalpa Approved" chapters coming your way.
> 
> I'll be uploading Chapter Nine on Wednesday around 9 pm Eastern. Maybe earlier. This is due to me leaving for the Bahamas on Thursday morning. I really fuckin need this vacation LOL.
> 
> Because of this, once I update Wednesday I'm taking an entire week off. I really need the vacation. Updating big chapters twice a week is beyond exhausting, and I also run a Tumblr and admin a 500+ server. So yeah... I just need some time to chill LOL.
> 
> This means I'll probably be updating July 6th. Again - sorry to keep ya'll waiting and stuff but like I said I REALLY need a breather. I'm incredibly drained ( -o- ) ~zZz
> 
> alrigHT SO - ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!  
> BECAUSE NOW WE REALLY DEVIATE FROM CANON !
> 
> i eat the canon, and i spit it out

“Go fucking faster!” you yelled at Hank. “Move!!!” 

The two of you were in his car and on your way to Elijah Kamski’s manor, much too slow for your taste. Hank’s car was jerking and struggling as he pressed on the acceleration, but you didn’t care. “Go faster, you old fucking millennial!” you shouted.

Hank shot you a nasty glare. “I’m going fucking ninety!” he shouted back, gesturing to the speedometer. He was right, but…

You leaned closer to him, saying with emphasis, “Not. Fucking. Fast enough.”

Without a second thought, you jumped into Hank’s seat. You felt the man partly scream as your back hit his head, muffling his cries for help. But you didn’t care. You grabbed that steering wheel, and you floored it to 100 mph.

It was a miracle you hadn’t gotten pulled over or crashed. You attributed it to the sheer power of spite against Hank that kept you alive, and the need to see Connor. How could he be alive? Why would Cyberlife rebuild him when the investigation had been handed off to the FBI? It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense. But Kamski had been the head of Cyberlife. Why would he lie just to get you to go to his place?

You didn’t know much about the man other than his face and his title, but you didn’t trust him. Fuck, you didn’t trust anyone associated with Cyberlife. But if Connor...new Connor, rebuilt Connor,  _ whatever  _ was there you were in.

You needed to apologize. You needed to make things right.

_ You had to tell him he wasn’t just a machine.  _

Eventually, you got to a windy road the went up the hill. Hank’s hands wrapped around your shoulders as he pushed you back into your seat, face red as he breathed heavily. “What the fuck was that?!” he asked, quickly grabbing the wheel. You groaned, throwing your head back in frustration.

“We’re going to be late!” you hissed, buckling back up. 

Hank gave you a baffled look, gesturing to his car’s clock. “We’re 20 minutes early!” he exclaimed.

“They have Connor!” you exclaimed back, and he shot you a glare from the corner of his eye, lowering the speed as he drove up the bending road. 

“Yes, and Connor will be there no matter  _ when  _ we arrive,” he grunted, shaking his head. You pursed your lips at that though, crossing your arms with a frown. 

“I just want to see him,” you murmured. 

The car fell silent, the heavy metal screaming softly filling the emptiness. Snow was flying by, beginning to pile up on the ground. Winter was beginning, and nature was falling into hibernation. Everything felt cold.

“I do too.”

 

While Kamski’s manor was large, it wasn’t as big as you’d thought it be. You’d expected some huge mansion with fountains everywhere and heating to keep it in a constant state of summer. But it really was just...plain. It was white and boring, something you hadn’t expected for such a rich man.

You closed Hank’s car door behind you as you stood, casting an inspecting eye over the estate. Detroit’s winter nearly made you lose sight of the house, the snow beginning to pick up. Everything was cold, but this possibility felt warm. This opportunity heated and propelled you forward, legs stretching far and long as you approached the entrance.

You faintly heard Hank yell for you to wait, but you ignored him. Kamski had Connor. Fuck Hank and his stubby legs. You had to see him. But a door was in your way - one only openable from this inside. A curse was on your lips as you stopped, looking around frantically as you waited. Fucking hell, did Kamski even have to own special doors?

Hank finally caught up to you, breathing heavily. “Jesus christ, kid, slow the fuck down,” he heaved, and you shot him a glare out of the corner of your eye.

“They have Connor,” you replied.

“Yeah and I don’t think he’s going anywhere,” Hank sighed, rolling his eyes. You didn’t say anything, instead bouncing your leg as you waited for the door to open. Your heart was racing, mind swirling with possibilities. Did Kamski really have Connor? If so, why? Why would he possibly waste materials to rebuild an android that had “failed” its investigation? It made no sense, but you hoped to find some answers here.

The door finally slid open to reveal a blond woman. You almost didn’t realize she was an android until you saw her LED.  _ Of course _ Kamski would own some androids. She gave you a smile, gesturing into the manor. “Hello and welcome! Please come in!” she greeted, voice sweet and kind. For a moment, you and Hank stood there suspiciously. 

You looked back at Hank, whispering, “You got your gun right?” He nodded, eyes narrowed and fingers twitching. Reassured, you turrned back to the android and offered a fake smile, entering the manor.

It appeared as though this were a waiting room of some sort. Its ceiling was high and its walls were grey, making it feel barren and empty. A few chairs were to the side with a tablet to read the paper, but you didn’t care about it. You cared about finding Connor, and you had an idea that wherever he was Kamski was with him.

Your hands clenched into fists at your side as you finished analyzing the room. “Where’s Connor?” you asked, voice firm. You weren’t playing games. 

The android gestured towards another door. “Elijah will see you soon. Please, take a seat,” she replied, but you weren’t buying that.

You approached her, stopping only mere feet away. You squinted at her with a shake of your head. “I’m not waiting. I’ve waited long enough,” you hissed. “Bring me to Kamski…” She didn’t move, LED a soft yellow. You felt bad to be causing her stress. After all, she was surely just obeying orders. But you weren’t an android. You did what you wanted and needed, and right then, you needed to see Connor.

You needed to see him. You needed to apologize to him. You just needed  _ him.  _

For a moment it was simply quiet. You half expected Hank to pull you back and yell at you, but he didn’t. Connor’s death affected him just as much as you. After all, Hank had seen him as a son. He wanted to see Connor just as much as you.

A soft hiss came from behind the android, and you looked over her shoulder to see the door opening. Relief washed over you at the sight. You stepped past the blonde and strolled into the other part of the manor. Hank was behind you, coming up on your side. He wouldn’t let you walk into whatever this was alone.

What greeted the two of you made your skin crawl.It was a large expanse of white, various statues and paintings scattered along the wall. It felt like you were walking into Cyberlife itself. You really wished you had your pocket knife.

But most unnerving of all was the pool. It wasn’t necessarily the largest you’d seen, but its water was dyed blood red. As two identical androids lounged in the water, it looked as though they were bathing in gore. Your stomach churned at the sight.

Hank nudged you, bumping you back to reality. You gave him a confused look, noticing he was as pale as you must’ve been. He nodded past the pool. “Kamski,” he grunted and you followed his gesture.

Only to see Connor kneeling and looking out a large window. Your heart stuttered, blood running cold as your breath caught. It was him. He was on his knees, head raised and back to you. But there was that brown hair. There was that dumb uniform. There was  _ Connor. _

You didn’t know you were running until Connor’s arms were under you. The fabric of his suit was rubbing at your fingers, and you could feel the cold marble beneath your knees as you dropped in front of him. Fuck Kamski. Fuck everything else. All you needed was to see Connor’s face and -

You dropped in front of Connor, tears in your eyes and heart thumping erratically. Your mouth opened with a greeting, prepared to apologize for everything you’d said and done to him. “Connor, I’m so sorry I failed you and-” But Connor wasn’t listening. Connor wasn’t...here. With a horror, you pulled back and dropped your grasp to see that he was deactivated.

His eyes were open but dull, a sight that shook you as you remembered hs death. The LED on his forehead was off, and his face was pale. Your hand raised to his cheek as you ran a thumb along his cheekbone, wanting to feel that warmth you loved so much. But it wasn’t there.

He was cold.

You faintly realized you were crying, entire body trembling like a leaf as you sat there. Kamski had said he had Connor, but this wasn’t him. This wasn’t Connor. You snapped back to reality with a sob, the tears no longer of happiness. They were of rage and betrayal. They moved you to your feet, knuckles white as you faced Kamski.

He stood a few feet behind your friend, arms crossed behind his back. He was pale and sharp, a small smirk turning his lips as he watched you. And worst of all he had a  _ man bun. _ Fuck, this man was evil. He was even wearing a velvet robe.

“What the fuck is this?” you hissed, body taut with fury. You were fully aware you were shaking. Your vision was even blurring around the edges. “You said you had Connor.”

Kamski tilted his head, his lips pursed as he looked at you up and down. He had the mind of a genius. This was the man who birthed androids. You wondered if he could read you as well as Connor. “I do,” he replied cooly, and goosebumps prickled your skin. “He’s right there.” Kamski raised a hand to gesture to the dull Connor, but you couldn’t stomach looking back at him. It reminded you too much of Stratford. 

“He’s deactivated,” you snipped. “That’s not  _ him _ .”

Kamski slowly approached you, legs stretched long and gracefully. He wasn’t nearly as tall as Connor, something that you kept telling yourself as he got closer. You could almost smell the ego on him as he stopped mere inches away, peering down at you. You stood your ground and looked back. “It’s the same model,” he murmured. His eyes were green (?). They were frigid. “It’s the same as your old Connor, except now he’s...less dead,” he smiled. Guilt blossomed in you now. “From the Cyberlife report, he was missing his core biocomponent. I wonder how did that happen? And where did it go?”

“I’ll tell you where it can go,” you replied cooly, trying not to shake. His core was on the couch, tucked underneath the pillow you’d been using. You held it to fall asleep. Kamski threw his head back with a loud laugh at that, but you didn’t find it funny. You genuinely did what to kick his ass. 

Once he was done laughing, he grinned down at you. “You’re something else,” he hummed, crossing his arm as he began to walk towards Connor. “Tell me, how did Connor’s death affect you?” 

He traced a finger along Connor’s face, pausing on the top of his LED. The sight and words made your stomach churn, the guilt still there. Connor’s eyes were so...dull. They were so lifeless. And you...

_ Those fingers in yours tightened, and you looked down to see those brown eyes. They were on you, lips barely parting. That LED flashed yellow, then blue, then red and… _

_ Those fingers let go. Those eyes faded away. And that LED turned off. _

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. “That’s none of your business,” you bit out. You reached into your pocket. Something cool graced your touch, and you wrapped your hand around it. It was Connor’s coin. 

Opening your eyes only revealed Kamski in front of you, eyes narrowed down at you. You stiffened, pulse in your ears. “Tell me, Detective… Do you feel guilt?” His mouth clicked with that word, and it sent shockwaves through your system. 

You bared a snarled at him, taking a step closer. “I don’t play games,  _ Elijah.”  _ Your mouth clicked with his name. He arched a brow. 

“You’re already playing one,” he countered. You waited for a clarification, but instead he turned. “Tell me - have you worked with Connor for long?” he asked, voice loud. It echoed in the room, and suddenly it didn’t feel as one-on-one as it was. Hank was clearly caught up now, standing off to the side with that same frown he always wore. But this time his eyes kept flickering back to Connor. Would Kamski hold him hostage?

You took a step forward, putting yourself almost  directly in front of Connor. You didn’t know much about androids and how to turn them on, but if push came to shove you could reactivate him and get the hell out. Kamski noticed. “I met him earlier this week,” you said, trying to maintain your cool. 

Kamski hummed, raising his head in thought as he circled around the area. You felt like he was a wolf, preparing to pounce on his prey. But jokes on him - Hank was the biggest predator around, next to Sumo but he wasn’t here. “And what did you think?”

“It was weird Cyberlife made a detective android,” you huffed. It was partly true. More than anything you were curious. You had d wondered if the deviant crisis was so intense that Cyberlife now was getting involved, but it became clear to you the deviant crisis was more important than anyone understood. 

That made him chuckle, fixing you with a charmed look. “That’s all?” 

You raised your arms. “That’s all.”

“And when did you first work a crime with him?” 

“A day after I met him. There was a murder at Eden’s Club,” you replied before pausing, giving a bitter smile. “Where your famous sex androids work.”

That made Kamski pause in his movements, stopping with his body facing the large windows. There was a mystical look in his eyes as he took in the city... _ his  _ city. Did he perceive himself a God? “You don’t agree that androids are merchandise.” It wasn’t a question. He knew it was true.

“I don’t think they should be treated poorly.” 

“Why? Androids don’t feel emotion. They don’t feel pain, anger, sadness…” He turned, facing you. The washed out land of Detroit stood behind him, snow falling even faster. You felt as though you were in purgatory - torn between two dimensions. And Kamski was whatever hellish figure lead this purgatory. “They don’t feel  _ depression _ .” Your eye twitched. “They feel nothing.”

“If that was the case then why are there deviants?” you retorted, taking a slow, methodical step towards him. You were taking back control of the situation. You had to retake control. If Kamski was in control, then Connor would remain on the ground. And now...finally now you could make things right. “If androids couldn’t feel emotion, then why did that Eden’s Club girl kill the man? If that was true, then why did they flee?” You were close to him now. You were turning the tables your way, and he knew it. But he wasn’t scared. He was intrigued. “It’s because that’s not true, Kamski. You and I both know it.”

He licked his lip, that same smirk still on his face. He truly looked like a villain. “Is that why Connor’s death affected you so much? Because you believe he can... _ feel? _ ” 

You caught the implication. If you said yes that would imply Connor was a deviant, and why on Earth would the past-head of Cyberlife want to reactivate a deviant? And while you did believe there was more to Connor than he let on, you wouldn’t doom him. “He’s not a deviant,” you said cooly. 

There was no immediate reaction like you hoped. Instead, Kamski just gazed down at you with half closed eyes and thin lips. But he was still smiling. He was always smiling. You forced a similar smirk on your own face, trying to play along.  _ That  _ made him arch a brow with a chuckle. “Fascinating,” he hummed before striding past you. He approached Connor, a sight that made your breath catch. You held out a hand, going to ask what he was doing when Kamski kneeled. 

He did  _ something  _ and suddenly there was a whir. That pale skin suddenly flushed. That dull LED suddenly flickered. And those eyes… Those blank, brown eyes  _ blinked.  _ Your heart soared, body moving almost instantaneously. 

Connor’s head raised slightly, gaze resting on you for a moment. Again something whirred as he tilted his head, eyes confused. “Detective?” he asked, and you smiled. 

“Connor,” you whispered. “You’re alive.”

He raised his hands, registering them for a moment. He flexed his fingers before reaching into his pocket. His hand came out empty, a confused look on his face. You remembered the coin in your hand and you crouched down in front of him. Connor looked to you with curiosity, and you held up your palm. His coin lay in it, the head of liberty facing up. “I borrowed it,” you sheepishly explained. 

His fingers brushed against your hand, and he was  _ warm.  _ He was warm and alive and he grabbed that coin and did his stupid trick. And most importantly he smiled. It was subtle and slight, but it was a smile nonetheless. Your heart was soaring and your mind was healing. You were alive and so was Connor. The two of you kneeled there together in wake of both the reasons you were alive; Kamski and Connor.

You turned and looked back to the man, who was watching with inquisitive eyes. At the sight of you facing him, he turned his attention back to you. “Thank you,” you said. 

For the first time he didn’t provide a smirk. Instead he gave you a real smile, nodding. “The pleasure is all mine.” He was creepy and he had a man bun, but he had brought Connor back. There was no doubt he had ulterior motives for such an altruistic act but you didn’t care.

All you cared about was whether or not Connor was safe. All you cared was that he was okay and alive and as happy as an “android” could be. 

You realized you’d been kneeling there and staring at Connor with a stupid look for a rather long time. With a cough you stood, nodding to Kamski and Hank. The old man was giving you a knowing look, but he still had his arms crossed. He was holding up the tough look for Kamski, who was still overlooking the situation. Right, creepy god-complex man-bun dude was watching you.

You crossed your arms too in an effort to look cool again. “So,” you began, clearing your throat. It had gotten tight from the tears you’d been holding back. “Is that all?” 

Connor was standing now, adjusting his tie as he looked around the area. “Where am I?” he asked, and you gestured to Kamski.

“Elijah Kamski’s manor,” you replied. “Meet your maker, Connor.” The android frowned over at Kamski. At the sight, Connor arched a brow your way.

“Elijah Kamski did not make me. Cyberlife did,” he said so matter of factly. You had to suppress a laugh. You’d missed his seriousness. 

“Well I mean… Kamski did kinda create the first android,” you mumbled, but you dropped the subject as the man in question moved towards Connor. He was moving like he was earlier - like he was a wolf circling its prey. Connor noticed, following his movements with analytical eyes. 

“Tell me Connor,” Kamski hummed. “How does it feel to be reborn?” 

“Like I can complete my mission now,” he said. You heard Hank groan behind you, surely rubbing his face.

“Do you know why the androids are deviating?” he asked, lapsing immediately back into the investigation. You weren’t necessarily surprised. If anyone knew why or how androids began to feel, Kamski did. 

“I do,” Kamski confirmed, nodding slightly. He folded his palms over his stomach. “But first, allow me to conduct a test to calibrate your senses.” Another creepy grin and Kamski raised his hand, gesturing to the android from earlier. She immediately approached, posture firm but docile. No doubt she was his favorite creation. 

Connor was waiting patiently, expecting Kamski to speak. But the man didn’t. Instead he turned and approached the small table behind him, opening the drawer. “Have you heard of the Kamski test? It’s a test I designed to answer a question.” His back was to you all as he examined whatever he held, and you distinctly noticed Hank reaching for his holster. You clenched your hands into fists, preparing yourself to run and tackle the man. But when he turned, he held his hands up high as though to signal peace. However it didn’t necessarily help as he had a gun in one of his raised hands

“What are you doing?” you demanded, tensing your body. If he made any move that was perceived as dangerous, you’d be on him in an instant. He knew it too.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he soothed, taking slow steps towards Connor. “I simply have a question for Connor.”

“What kind of question entails a gun?” Hank growled, and Kamski simply arched a brow.

“You’ll see,” he hummed, but instead of that making you feel better you felt  _ worse.  _ Kamski came up behind the android girl, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Tell me Connor, now that you’re reborn and free what do you want?”

Connor seemed unphased. “I wish to complete my mission,” he said. 

“Ah yes… To stop deviants once and for all! But tell me Connor, what is a deviant?” 

“An android who has a malfunction and believes it can feel.”

Kamski nodded, seeming to think for a moment before pushing the android down. She got to her knees, head raised to be looking directly at Connor. He’d just been like her moments ago- kneeling and waiting for orders. Then Kamski had pulled a trigger and you’d brought him back up. “And do you know  _ why  _ androids deviate?”

“No. That is why I’m asking you.” Connor gestured to him, seeming mildly confused. And you had to agree with Connor - you were confused too. What was the point of this conversation? What was Kamski getting at?

He circled around Connor, eyes analyzing every angle of his body. The android didn’t watch however, eyes trained on a singular point. She was so obedient. It unnerved you. Finally, Kamski paused at your friend’s side. He took one of Connor’s hands and placed the gun into his grip. Slowly, he brought Connor’s gun-wielding hands to aim at the android’s head. Your blood turned cold. “Shoot her, and I’ll tell you all I know.”

He said it was like nothing. He said it like it was simply picking up milk from the grocery store. He said it like it wasn’t killing a living being. Fuck whatever anyone else said - she would feel pain. She would feel fear. And in her final moments, she’d deviate. But it’d be too late.

It’d be too late.

“Connor…” you breathed. It felt like it was so hard to say such a simple thing, like the world was compressing your chest. Your heart was beating erratically, all joy from Connor being reactivated gone with the pallor in your face. Connor glanced over at you. His LED was yellow. 

“Or spare it,” Kamski added, stepping back. “Spare it if you feel it has a soul...if it’s  _ alive. _ ”

You bared your teeth at Kamski, taking a menacing step towards him. “What kind of cruel shit is this?” you hissed. 

Kamski gave a fiendish grin to you before turning his attention back to Connor. Fuck, you wanted to smack him so bad. “Spare it and you leave with nothing. No information to help you solve your...mission.”

Manipulative bastard. You gave him a dirty look before taking a step towards Connor. You were far enough away that if Connor shot you’d be unable to help the android, but your eardrums wouldn’t be blown out. You didn’t want to be deaf, and you didn’t want blue blood to splatter all over you if Connor shot. “Connor we don’t need him,” you said in a low voice. You didn’t want to stress him further. “He reactivated you. We can leave.”

“What’s more important, Connor?” Kamski cut in, returning behind Connor. His lips came dangerously close to the android’s ears. “Your investigation, or the life of this android?” he whispered, but you could still hear it. You could hear everything he said. “Who are you? An obedient  _ machine  _ or a being endowed with free will?”

The gun was shaking, and you saw quick flashes of red in his LED. He  _ had  _ to shoot her. His mission took priority. He was going to shoot her because of Kamski. You spared a look to the android’s eyes. They were blue and alight with life, but there was no fear. There was no fear  _ yet. _

You wouldn’t let Connor do this. 

Fuck your eardrums. Fuck your mental stability. You wouldn’t let Connor shoot her, and if he did, you’d risk it all. You approached Connor within a few strides, putting yourself directly in front of him. The gun was only millimeters from your chest. Connor visibly frowned, eyes darting all over your face. Kamski was surprised too, smile vanishing. At least you finally wiped that smug smirk off his face. 

“She doesn’t deserve to be shot,” you murmured. “She hasn’t done anything wrong.” His LED turned a bright red, the gun trembling badly. It was still only a few inches from your chest, and you watched it for a moment. You realized you were shaking too. “Shoot me - I let you die,” you said.

Kamski was watching you, eyes narrow in thought. Once again you’d taken control. You’d ripped it from his fingers and worn it around your throat, bared for the world to see. You raised your arms, increasing your spread. “I let you die at Stratford. Shoot me.”

Hank cursed, but the world around you was a blur. All it was was those brown eyes trained on  _ you -  _ searching and analyzing for something you were ignorant of. Was he looking for a reason to shoot you? Was he recalling the previous Connor’s memories? You didn’t know, and it scared you

It scared you. 

“I deserve it,” you said. “Not her.” 

You’d put away dozens of deviants when they wanted freedom. You had failed the girl at Eden’s Club. And most importantly of all, you had failed Connor. You had made mistakes and deserved to pay for them, but not the android behind you. Not her.  _ Not her. _

Connor adjusted his grip, pointing the gun more accurately. Your heart soared, your blood chilled and you were reaching for him. Your fingers grazed over his hands on the gun, a subtle movement that shot electricity up your arms. It felt like your life was jumpstarted again, and you breathed a heavy breath in.

Connor looked to your hand, to your body and then to your face. His gaze rested on your eyes, the LED turning blue for a split moment. And then he dropped the gun, LED returning to yellow. You expected Kamski to lose his mind, but instead he was grinning as he took back the gun. “Amazing… You see her-” He gestured to the android. “The same as her.” He pointed to you. “And you saw a soul in both.”

You read Kamski’s thoughts. They were loud and clear. It was on his lips, and he was ready to say it. He was ready to admit it. But you knew Connor wasn’t. He’d only just woken up for Christ’s sake. You rushed forward, stepping between Kamski and your friend. You placed your fingers on Connor’s chests, making him look down with a pout. “Let’s go,” you said softly, and he watched you again for a moment.

He looked at you as though Kamski weren’t there, as though Hank wasn’t behind him, as though he had just disobeyed a direct command. He looked at you...differently. There was something new in his eyes - some twisting and turning emotion you couldn’t quite place. It made your skin flush and breath catch.

You were pushing him before you could get more caught up. “Let’s go,” you said more firmly, and Connor turned. Hank was shooting Kamski a devious look, waiting for Connor to pass him before following. You stayed behind however, turning and jabbing a finger into Kamski’s chest with curses on your lips.

He grabbed your wrist though, pulling you dangerously close as he leaned down. “Be careful, dear,” he whispered, hot breath on your ear. “Falling in love can be a...dangerous thing.”

You laughed, shaking your head at Kamski as he pulled back. “What the fuck are you going on about?” you asked incredulously, and he nodded to behind you. You arched a brow but played along, looking over your shoulder to see Connor and Hank going to the door. 

“I always leave an emergency exit in my programs, Connor,” Kamski called, and the android looked back, LED flashing yellow from stress. Hank grabbed him though, pushing him along while surely swearing. But Connor was tense, and you saw the frown on his face. 

Kamski had really gotten to him. Was he okay? The realization made your chest tighten, hands clench and-

Oh. 

_ Oh. _

You watched Connor leave, unsure of what to do. Your stomach was churning and your blood was rushing, mind in a sudden state of chaos. Something warm was in your veins - something new and unknown. You felt...nervous? Happy? 

_ Oh,  _ you thought.  _ Oh.  _

You were in love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew returns to the station, and mulls over what comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! how are yall?  
> this is the last chapter that will be posted for the week! im going on vacation to the bahamas, so i wont be posting until after july 4th/5th! im ready to drink some wine and soak up some sun. im VERY tired!  
> but - this is probably one of my favorite chapters that i've written. i know i say that a lot, but i do mean that about this chapter. this one really touched on the reader's backstory and it really clarifies some stuff. chapter ten is pretty badass too ; )  
> that being said - i need to go to sleep! i gotta get up by 3 am and leave by 4 to get to the airport! ttyl <3

You’d been in love before. There’d been a guy you dated in high school who had soft lips, gentle eyes and curious fingers. He’d been patient with you, only kissing you when you gave him the okay. Even then he never pushed for a kiss, a hug, or even sex. The two of you would just cuddle, watch movies, study and other stereotypical shit. The two of you had been the high school sweethearts until you found him with another girl senior year. You’d promptly dumped him, graduated and left your hometown without a second thought.

Then there’d been your roommate in college. At first you despised her. She would stay up all night partying, coming home smelling of booze and sweat. She rarely cleaned up, left her clothing everywhere and put toilet paper on  _ backwards.  _ You’d hated her until she forced you out to a party with her. The two of you had danced until 3 in the morning, and you both came home smelling of cheap beer and sloppy kisses. 

The two of you would always try to hook each other up with guys at parties, looking out for one another in case one got too frisky. It was only when you saw her kiss another guy did you realize,  _ Oh. Oh this fire in my chest, this ice in my blood… This is love.  _

You’d been angry and jealous and left in a fit of rage. She’d followed, demanding why you were upset. You’d kissed in a sudden spur of confidence, grabbing her face and holding it tight. 

She tasted like cherry and vodka. It was your favorite taste.

The two of you had dated through college, staying up all night to binge watch horror movies and laughing at how awful they were. You two went grocery shopping together, studied together and you two even had a weed garden tucked in the back of the greenhouse. She taught you to live and you taught her to love. 

And then one night the two of you went to a party. Some girl flirted with her, and you thought she’d been cheating on you. You’d gotten upset and stormed out, leaving her alone. She’d tried drive home, calling you every chance she got. You let it all go to voicemail, sobbing and drinking yourself to sleep in the two of yours bed.

She’d been hit by a drunk driver. She’d had extreme brain damage, and been put into a medically induced coma. Her family took her off life support only a few days later. The bed you two had slept in still smelled like her. You’d promised to look after her, and you...you had failed her.

You’d made a promise to yourself; to never love someone again. You’d made a promise to never fail someone again.

And here you were - breaking both promises. 

The car ride to the precinct was quiet besides the soft screamo Hank was playing. You sat in the back seat, gaze turned out the window as you all tumbled through the heavy snow. It felt almost cliche seeing the Earth die as something within you began to live again. You’d thought it died long ago, but when you saw Connor’s eyes… 

You realized you were still alive.

Fuck, you were screwed. This wasn’t just feeling towards another boy or girl. These were feelings towards an android. And while you fully believed androids could feel, you didn’t know if Connor would let himself feel. He’d shown emotions at Kamski’s, and from what you heard he’d been troubled afterwards. 

He had seen a soul in both the android and you. What did that mean?

Did it mean he was a deviant? You didn’t know. And you didn’t know what would happen now considering that the investigation was soon to be handed off to the FBI. Would Connor join them? Or would he return to Cyberlife?

It didn’t make sense to rebuild him just to scrap him. Kamski was a smart man. He brought you there for a reason. He reactivated Connor for a reason. You were just curious as to what that reason was.

You weren’t supposed to be at the precinct, but Hank was expected to report to the Captain. And you wouldn’t wait in the car listening to shitty metal music. Besides, you had to get some stuff from your desk.

As you three stepped out of Hank’s car, Hank muttered some curse about the snow. Connor, however, raised his gaze to the sky. That furrow was back in his brow. “Do you like the snow?” you asked him, shoving your hands into your pockets. You instinctively reached for his coin, only to find it gone. 

Connor looked down at you, the soft lights from the precinct illuminating his face. He looked so soft and naive - but you knew that wasn’t true. He’d killed. He’d been killed. But he still looked delicate under the soft snow. “The snow is… interesting,” he said in response and you smiled.

“I think you like it,” you hummed. He fixed you with a curious look, arching a brow. You felt yourself flush under his gaze.“You look good,” you said, before realizing how odd that sounded. Embarrassment flustered you, and you raised your hands to try and explain. “I mean - for being recently reactivated and all. Ya know the last time I saw you you were pale and…” You swallowed roughly, pursing your lips. “Bloody.” Connor cocked his head, and you nodded almost to yourself. “I’m gonna go with Hank… Now.”

You darted past Connor and towards Hank, who was opening the doors to the building. At the sight of your red face he sighed. “Fucking kids.”

Yeah… you were screwed.

 

While Connor and Hank got chewed out by the Captain, you hid at your desk. You strategically turned your back to the Captain’s office, holding a tablet and flipping through the stories. There was various coverage on deviant movements, most still debating the video broadcasted at Stratford. It was no surprise the case was moving to the FBI. Deviants were becoming more and more nationally recognized.

But with the FBI taking the case, what would happen to Connor? All you could was wait.

And it didn’t take long.

Hank collapsed in his chair with a loud groan, hitting his desk with his hand. A curse came from him, and you turned in your chair to face his desk. Connor was frowning as well, but if he felt anger it was much more contained. You stood up with an unsurprised look and approached them. “So, I take it Fowley didn’t listen to your pleas of help?” you asked, crossing your arms. 

Connor shook his head, sitting on the edge of Hank’s desk. He looked so casual there, legs hanging down and body hunched over in thought. You could see his neck tightening, jaw clenching and eyebrows furrowing. You had to tear your eyes away with a harsh swallow before you got carried away in the shape of his arms and legs. “Bastard’s sending off the case to the FBI,” Hank huffed, leaning back in his chair. He looked tired and you surely looked the same. The day had been long and exhausting.

“We were so close,” Connor hissed, shaking his head. He took a deep breath, looking back towards you and Hank. He was troubled. “We could have solved the case if we had more time.”

“Deviants don’t need solving,” you countered, and Connor arched a brow your way. You raised your hands. “They feel emotions just like us… They just want freedom.”

Hank nodded, and silence fell between all of you. Connor seemed to be thinking, surely not entirely understanding the concept of deviants and freedom. “You saw a person in the girl at Kamski’s,” Hank suddenly said, making you widen your eyes at him. Was he admitting androids were… “You didn’t want to kill her. You saw her the same as (Y/N).”

You slowly looked back to Connor, whose LED was a soft yellow. But he didn’t outright deny it. He simply just murmured, “I don’t know what happened.” Something stuttered in your chest as he looked to you, something vulnerable and scared in his eyes. What was happening to him?

Fuck, what was happening to  _ you?  _

“You felt empathy,” Hank said. Connor fixed him with a confused look, tilting his head. Hank reached up, resting his hand on his head. “That’s a human emotion, Connor.”

You watched Connor look around in absolute confusion, his LED flickering blue and yellow. But he didn’t deny it. He didn’t say anything. He just thought.

There was no  _ I’m the android sent by Cyberlife.  _ There was no  _ I’m an android. I don’t feel.  _ There was simply silence. And that was growth. That was...good.

You had to fight the urge to smile. 

A loud swear came from Hank, and you shot him a look. His attention was behind you, however, and when you followed his gaze you found Perkins walking in. You were cursing now too. “Fuck, it’s that asshole Perkins,” he hissed and Connor glanced over now too. It was like the sight jumpstarted him, however, as he leaned in.

“I think if I go through the evidence I can find a lead on where Jericho is,” he said, and you arched a brow. “I just need ten minutes.”

“How do you expect to get down there?” you asked, but Hank was already on it. He was standing, brushing off his shirt. 

“Key’s in the drawer. I can buy you guys five minutes,” Hank said, and you frowned, opening your mouth to question what he was about to do. Connor seemed interested too, still sitting as Hank slowly approached Perkins. Once he was within range, he started yelling loudly. “Perkins! You fucking cocksucker.” Hank raised a fist, bringing it down clean on his nose. A sickening crunch came from it as he yelled out, dropping briefly before Hank pulled him back up. 

You let out a loud “oof” at the sight, wanting to cheer him on before remembering you and Connor had to get downstairs. Connor was watching too, though, and you had to nudge him to get his attention. “Uh...mission?” you asked, and he nodded.

“Right. The mission,” he hummed before getting off Hank’s desk, walking around it to pull open the drawer. You were already on your way to the archive room, letting Connor catch up.

Deja vu hit you, and you paused in your tracks. You stood at the beginning of the hallway that lead to the door, breath stuttering and heart racing. Memories hit you with a dizzying speed, making you frown and swallow hard. Your hands were sweaty, you realized, and feelings of despair struck you.

The smell of rain and copper twinged your nose. Feelings of loss and anger pumped your blood faster. A gun felt heavy in your waistband.

_ It. It. It. It. It- _

The archive room. It was white and bare, bodies of deviants against its wall the only color added. It reeked of thirium. It reeked of gunpowder. It reeked of your suicide attempt.

Your heart stuttered at the memory, eyes flickering back and forth. You stumbled backwards, shaking your head. But something steadied you, and you looked up to see Connor gazing down at you in concern. “(Y/N)? Are you okay?” he asked.

You had to be okay. You couldn’t fail Connor again. If the two of you didn’t find where Jericho was, Connor would have to report back to Cyberlife to be deactivated. The thought of losing him again made your blood turn cold. You had to keep it together. For him.

So you forced a nod. 

“Yeah, just felt dizzy. Let’s get downstairs,” you blankly said, quickly stepping away from Connor. He wasn’t dumb. He’d pick apart that something was bothering you, but you couldn’t afford that. The two of you had a limited amount of time to figure out where Jericho was.

And then what? Would you just let Connor go to Jericho and kill Markus, their leader? 

You’d cross that bridge when you got there. It was hard to stop your mind from racing, though. And practicing breathing techniques wasn’t really helping. You had to move though. You had to move.

So you gestured for Connor to open the door. His hand wrapped around the handle when you heard a familiar obnoxious voice. “The fuck are you two doin?” You suppressed a groan, your anxiety turning into annoyance as you faced Gavin. You expected him to look smug, but he looked more surprised at the sight of Connor. “Ah...so the plastic prick  _ was  _ rebuilt,” he hummed, crossing his arms.

“What do you want Gavin?” you asked, cutting the shit. “We don’t have a lot of time.”

“To what? Break into the archive room and tamper with evidence?” he asked and you could feel your patience snapping. You stepped forward, closing the space between you two.

You peered up into his eyes. “Connor can find Jericho if we get down there, Gavin. We just need the time,” you said. He didn’t look to convinced, a frown still twisting his face. You bit your lip, casting a quick glance back to Connor. He was watching. So you lowered your voice. “If we don’t find Jericho, Connor was be deactivated.” Something changed in Gavin’s expression - the anger melting away into stone hard resilience. Was that good or bad? You didn’t know but that didn’t stop you. “I can’t lose him again.”

“He’s only caused you trouble,” Gavin hissed, and you saw genuine anger flare in his eyes. That surprised you. “He’s the reason you almost killed yourself.” He said it louder than you want, and you shot a frantic look back at Connor. His head was tilted again, hand lowering from the doorknob. Fuck, with that android super-hearing he was probably hearing everything.

“No, Gavin, it wasn’t him,” you snapped back, jabbing a finger in his chest. You were getting flashbacks to the last time you were here. The same thing had happened. You swallowed to try and repress the memories. “It was failing people…”  _ She tasted like cherry.  _ “I broke a promise. I can’t break it again.” 

You held Gavin’s gaze, but he simply didn’t understand. “He’s an android,” he said. “He can’t feel.”

Your lips thinned, and you wanted to yell. You wanted to slap him and tell him to get over his ignorance and bigotry. You wanted to tell him to just  _ try  _ and understand. But as you stood there and examined him, you realized he was trying to understand. You realized he was trying to understand, he was trying to be better and something...something was holding him back. “What happened to you Gavin?” you asked. 

He tensed, body going taut while his face twisted. His eyes watered, his fists clenching at his side. You cocked your head, concerned and worried. Fuck, the world was really ending if you felt sympathy for Gavin. You wanted to ask. You wanted to know, but there was a loud bang from behind him. Scooting to the side, you saw it was Hank being pulled back from Perkins. That wasn’t good. That meant you didn’t have as much time to get the info you needed.

A hand came to rest on your forearm, and you looked back to see the hand belonged to Gavin. There was some sad look on his face, and he swallowed roughly. You watched his throat bob. “Get down there. I’ll hold him off,” he said, and you were confused.

“You’re...gonna help Connor and I?” you asked.

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t make me change my mind,” he sighed and you couldn’t help but smile. Something fluttered in your chest, and you threw your arms around him.

“Thank you,” you whispered. He was stiff under your touch, unsure of what to do. So you said it again, “Thank you, Gavin. For everything. You’re not a complete asshole.” You could almost hear him roll his eyes, but slowly - oh so slowly - he raised his arms and wrapped them around you. He held you for a moment, and as you pulled back, you pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. He was blushing, face surprised. “Stop hating androids, and you might be a good person,” you said. 

Gavin shook his head, clearly trying to wipe away his embarrassment. “Whatever,” he grumbled before shakily gesturing to the archive room door. “Just get the hell outta here. I’ll hold Perkins off.”  

You smiled at him one last time before looking back at Connor, who nodded in affirmation. You turned and approached the door as he opened it, holding it open for you. But you couldn’t help but look last one time down that hallway. Gavin was striding back towards the office, a determined pep in his step.

You swallowed roughly before taking a deep breath, going downstairs.

Back to where you’d almost shot yourself a day ago.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Connor try to find Jericho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall! long time no see!  
> i have returned from my vacation! and i wrote quite a bit over it. i also got some BIG stuff planned - along with finishing this fic and another fic coming soon!   
> that being said - your response has, as always, been incredible! i thank you guys soooo much for your love and support. hearing your thoughts always makes my day!!!  
> i'll be posting the next chapter on tuesday, and then friday. i think we're gonna do tuesdays and friday updates! 
> 
> aNYWAYS ~ here's another one of my favorite chapters! i know i say that a lot but this one was fun to write and explore.  
> also here's a shoutout to my loves liz, dej, r and others! thanks so much for your help and support <3
> 
> ENJOY!
> 
> TW:  
> Suicide mention

When you’d found your boyfriend with another girl, it’d been at a cafe. The cafe was a cute little spot near your school, known for its good ass burgers and milkshakes. The two of you had always gone there for lunch. When you came in one evening for a milkshake on the way to work, you caught him kissing her. 

You’d never gone back. The smells and memories haunted you.

When your girlfriend had been killed, you spent a week in bed. You only ever moved to pee. It took some unbreakable part of you to get up off that bed and pack everything. You took one of her sweaters, threw all your shit into a suitcase and left.

You’d never gone back.

You never went to places of loss - where the world ripped some piece of you out and threw it on the ground. It was silly, but you hadn’t expected to come back here. At least not so soon.

This room had taken some tiny shred of your hope and stolen it, made you its own. So coming back to it left you raw, bruised and bloody.

It made your skin crawl, blood race and eyes dilate. You could feel your hands clam up and breath stutter, legs trembling beneath you. You wanted to help Connor. You wanted to help him but you couldn’t get past the door to the terminal. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t breathe. All you could feel was the metal on your temple, all you had to do was squeeze and -

Fingers brushed your hand and you jerked back, looking up to see Connor staring down at you in concern. “(Y/N)? Are you alright?” he asked, and you put on a shaky smile.

“Yeah. I’m- I’m just dizzy,” you excused. But he didn’t look convinced, narrowing his eyes with a small frown.

“Your pulse is 110. This indicates stress. You are also very pale and sweaty. This indicates a health issue,” Connor said, almost robotically. The sound of his voice was calming, but being analyzed wasn’t. You gave him a dirty look and he seemed to understand. “Right - no...analyzing,” he said. A pout came on his face. That eased any anger you felt.

“It’s fine. Just… I’ll keep watch over here, okay? You go log in and find Jericho,” you said, gesturing to the terminal. Connor nodded, but moved slowly as he went to go to the terminal. He seemed reluctant. “Go on. Gavin can’t annoy Perkins forever,” you sighed, pointing to the terminal. That jerked him from his...analyze mode or whatever he was in. He nodded in understanding and turned, opening the door to the evidence room.

You hovered behind, watching him go with thin lips and twitching fingers. He wasn’t wrong. You were sweating and breathing hard. Smells and memories kept hitting you left and right, reminders of when you almost ended your life.

It had just been a day ago. 

_ A day ago and so much had changed. _

You pressed your back against the glass wall that revealed the evidence room, taking repetitive breaths to try and calm yourself. You were fine. You were alive, and Connor was too. Now that he was back, you could protect him. You could protect him.

With a deep breath in, you looked behind him to see the evidence wall slowly approaching. And on it was…

Your breath caught.

_ It.  _

No, you told yourself. Not  _ it. Him.  _ He was the deviant that had killed Connor, the one you had come to kill once and for all. And Connor would surely reactivate him to see if the deviant knew where Jericho was. Between the two android bodies on the wall, the one that had killed him was the most likely to know. Daniel had deviated long before the other deviants. It was unlikely he had any idea.

You watched for a moment as Connor walked around the terminal to approach, clearly recognizing the deviant. He cocked his head at the sight, and something instinctual and terrifying twisted in you at the sight.

_ You hadn’t been able to protect him before. _

Your hand was already on the knob on the door, pulling it open before you could even consciously make a decision. It was possible the deviant could hurt him. It was possible he could be attacked, and you wouldn’t be able to protect him.

_ Protect. Protect. Protect. _

You couldn’t lose him again. 

So you breathed in that anxiety, you held it in and you let it go as you entered the room. 

The lights were dizzying as the cast over you, the noise attracting Connor’s attention. He stopped in his tracks as he shifted his body to look back at you, surprise evident. “I-” you raised a hand, shrugging. “I thought you could use some help. Ya know...not a lotta time,” you lamely excused, not wanting Connor to realize how shaken up you were.

You knew he could tell. He always knew everything. But you still put that smile on and approached, gesturing to the android that’d killed him. “Out of the two, he’ll probably know where Jericho is,” you said with certainty. Connor seemed puzzled, and you awkwardly pointed to the terminal. “I...looked over the case files.” He didn’t buy it. It was obvious, but there wasn’t time to ask. He simply gave an affirmative nod and approached the deviant. “He needs a component,” you added, and again he looked back. You raised a hand to Daniel. “He has it.” 

“You were here,” Connor finally said, but it wasn’t a question. He knew. Your finger twitched at your side. But instead of pushing it further, he simply waited with a fixed, knowing stare. He’d heard Gavin earlier. He was an android - his hearing was beyond perfect. 

You licked your lips and crossed your arms. “Yeah,” you said. “A day or two ago.”

His eyes narrowed. “After Mark I was destroyed.” Again, not a question. A statement. He already knew. It wasn’t hard to piece it together. Your sweatiness, your increased heart rate, flitting eyes, defensive stance… That and he heard Gavin. That  _ definitely  _ gave it away.

You nodded again. “Yeah.”

“Why?” He sounded so...worried? Concerned? Maybe it was your ears playing tricks on you. You believed he felt but you knew he wouldn’t admit it. Could you even assign emotions to him and believe them if he didn’t believe in himself? 

Your heart thudded in your ears as you stood there, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. It was hard enough to talk about...the  _ attempt  _ with Hank and Gavin who’d caught you. But to talk about it with  _ Connor?  _ Especially in front of the fucking deviant who’d  _ killed him?  _ “We-we don’t have time for this,” you bit out. Your tried to keep yourself from shaking. “Gavin can’t douche a douchebag forever.”

That wasn’t the end of...whatever  _ this  _ was. Connor would drop it for now as they needed to find Jericho, but he wouldn’t let it go. The lingering gaze on your face confirmed that. 

Thankfully, Connor seemed to set back into motion immediately. He approached Daniel, LED flickering as he scanned the deviant’s body. Surely he could see where and what component he needed to reactivate the other deviant. Confirming your theory, he reached into the body and ripped out a biocomponent. You flinched at the sight, stomach churning as you rested your hands over it.

That's what you couldn’t do. You couldn’t tear apart something you saw equal to human. But Connor… He was so devoted to his mission. You found yourself questioning what you’d seen earlier - when he wouldn’t shoot the hostess android. Did he really see them as beings with souls, just as he saw you?

He returned to the other deviant, inserting the piece without a second thought. You frowned, preparing yourself for the revival. It almost felt like the second coming of Christ, although in this case it was more or less the Devil in your life. You’d nearly killed yourself from grief, and while you couldn’t necessarily blame the deviant for acting in self defense, it still left you sore. Knowing and understanding  _ why  _ it happened didn’t make your wounds heal any faster.

“What are you gonna do?” you asked, taking a few steps towards Connor. You were a few feet behind him, looking around him with interest. Would the deviant even be able to function normally with its fucking legs missing? Connor didn’t seem worried as he shot you a confident look.

“Ask it a few questions,” he said casually. “If it’s not fruitful, I’ll probe its memory.” You bit your lip. That seemed...invasive. Connor noticed. “We need to find Jericho. We don’t have the time to play nice.”

“Just...let me ask,” you said, raising a hand. An eyebrow was arched your way. “Just trust me, okay?” His LED flickered as he searched your eyes, and for once you held his gaze. You knew he read every microscopic movement you made. You knew he probably knew you better than you knew yourself. But fuck it. 

You wanted him to know you just like you wanted to know every inch of him.

A whir came from the deviant on the wall, and you turned your attention to him. His LED flickered, eyes blinking mechanically before his head shot up with a gasp. But his eyes weren’t...normal. They were a milky blue, aimed forward without any recognition. “H-hello?” he asked, voice small and feeble. Your heart ached. “Who’s there?”

You looked to Connor, unsure of what to do. If he heard Connor’s voice, he’d freak out. But he didn’t know  _ your  _ voice. This understanding was exchanged in just a few moments of eye contact with your friend. 

You would speak with the android who had killed Connor, who had unknowingly destroyed you. You couldn’t scream. You couldn’t yell. You had to be kind. You had to be patient. 

He was  _ scared.  _ And you were scared too.

“Hey,” you softly said, speaking before you could stop yourself. Those eyes flicked to you, still confused and lost but now curious. “I’m (Y/N).”

“Wha-where am I?” he asked and you paused, thinking over the best response. 

“I found you,” you said, not completely lying. “The...police hurt you and I found you.” Again - not a complete lie. You were just leaving out other facts that could make this worse. 

His LED flickered. “Who are you?”

“Markus sent me...to help Simon and you.” His expression shifted to surprise and possibly...hope? 

“Markus? Is he here?” he asked and he sounded more awake. Your heart twisted. He looked so broken and timid, bloody and ruined. He’d given his life for Markus, just as Simon had been prepared to do. 

Just as  _ you  _ were prepared to do for Connor. 

You didn’t hate him. You didn’t want him dead. You wanted him to be free and  _ alive.  _ Just like you wanted Markus and Connor to be as well. “He’s not,” you said. “He sent me to find you and now that I found you, I need to get back. Do you know...do you know where he is?”

He stuttered. “Will...will you bring him back? To get me?” 

Your finger twitched. “Yes. Just tell me where he is.”

He raised his hand and Connor stepped forward, taking his grasp. That pale skin melted away into blank, plastic whiteness and a soft blue glow came from their touch. Connor’s eyes closed as the location of Jericho was transmitted, both of their LEDs flickering.

A soft gasp came from Connor as his eyes shot opened, a new knowledge flickering in that brown. He looked to you, but didn’t speak. The deviant was still awake and waiting. So you stepped in front of Connor and now took a hold of that handle that had ripped your love’s biocomponent out. You intertwined your fingers, you stood on the tips of your toes and you whispered, “Rest. We’ll be back soon.”

His murky eyes closed, and you stepped back, guilt flooding your veins as you watched him fall back into...sleep? Hibernation? You didn’t know. The missing part had been restored, but how long did that guarantee his life? He  _ was  _ kinda missing legs.

A hand rest itself on your shoulder and you jumped, fearing for a moment it was Perkins or someone who could hurt you. Instead, you looked up to see Connor. He looked pleased, nodding down at you. His lips were curled up ever so slightly, and you were reminded  _ why  _ you had lied. “You did good,” Connor said and you gave a smile of your own.

“So...where is it?” you asked, but before Connor could answer there was a loud bang against the door leading down. Both of you stiffened, looking up with concern. “Fuck, that’s probably Perkins. We gotta go,” you hissed, running to the terminal. You quickly hit to close the evidence locker, but Connor’s fingers gently wrapped around your wrist.

“Leave it. We have the location of Jericho,” Connor said and you clenched your jaw, raising a hand to the deviant.

“If we don’t close the evidence they’ll get it too. There’s a fire escape right there. Take that and meet me at Hank’s car. I’ll be there in a minute,” you hissed and Connor hovered, eyes flickering all over your face. They rest on your eyes for a moment, then your fingers, your lips and back to your eyes. What was he waiting for? You bared your teeth at him. “Go!”

Finally, those fingers unhooked. Connor disappeared through the door, and you heard the fire escape door open and close. You rolled your shoulders with a deep breath, quickly tapping away at the various commands on the terminal. The bangs on the door got louder and louder, and you swore under your breath.

Fucking technology.

Finally the evidence wall retreated, and you heard something loud pop off. It was definitely a gun and under normal circumstances, you’d tense and prepare to run. But you weren’t running. Your finger hit the “Lock Evidence File” button, a bright red icon flashing over it. 

_ Confirm Lock-Up? _

The door hit the wall of the staircase, and you turned on your feet. Loud voices echoed and got closer, various footsteps coming down the wall. A quick glance over revealed Perkins and FBI agents, Gavin in the back yelling and waving his arms uselessly. You’d smile, but instead you hit the terminal.

_ Confirmed.  _

A loud beep came from the wall as it disappeared, effectively securing it for at least a few hours. That would give you and Connor plenty of time to find Jericho and to speak with Markus. But first, you had to get the fuck out of there.

Your shoulder collided with the glass door right as you saw Perkins get down the stairs. The man laid eyes on you, quickly noticing the rather guilty smirk on your face. He seethed, going to break into a sprint with you too. Your heart thudded, briefly fearing you’d be caught. 

But suddenly, a shoe came flying out of nowhere. It smacked Perkins right in the back of the head, making the man stumble and trip. His face smacked on the ground, and a few FBI agents tripped over him. You wanted to stop and laugh, but you had to keep going and so you did. Your hand wrapped around the fire escape door handle, forcing it open. 

You twisted, pushing all your body on the door to keep the others from forcing it open. But before it closed, you cast a look up the stairs.

Gavin stood at the top, a proud grin on his face as he watched Perkins get up with another bloody nose. His eyes flicked to you, the grin melting into a smile as he nodded. You nodded back before pausing, noticing that he was missing a shoe. An evil cackle came from you as you realized that Gavin had just fucking shoed Perkins.

You cackled as the door closed with a click, looking around in search of something to block the door. A large trash can was nearby. You yanked it in the ground, effectively making it nearly impossible to open the door. An almost  _ maniacal  _ laugh came from you as you took a few steps back, looking at the dumped trash can and hearing the bangs on the door.

Wow, you had really just done that.

You placed your hands on your hips, breathing heavily while laughing. That...that was the wildest thing you’d done. And you’d  _ absolutely  _ be fucking fired. Oh well. Less paperwork to do now.

You quickly rushed over to Hank’s car, fully knowing that Hank and Connor would be in it. There wouldn’t be much time before Perkins tried to stop the car, so you ran to it. When you were finally in the parking lot, you looked around in an attempt to find them. A loud squeal came from your side, and that old, shitty car squealed to a stop in front of you. Hank rolled down the window, pointing to the backseat.

“Get in!” he yelled and you didn’t have to be told twice. You jumped into the backseat, not even bothering to buckle up considering you were now a  _ law breaker _ , and giggled as Hank peeled out of the parking lot. Connor sat up front, looking back at you. 

You breathlessly laughed and grinned at him. “That was wild! We got a few hours before they get evidence back up, so we gotta go. Where is Jericho?”

“In the port.” You raised a brow at that. “There’s hundreds of deviants there. Getting in won’t be easy.”

You leaned back, crossing your arms as you thought. It wasn’t easy for deviants to get there either. If they themselves were to get in, they couldn’t stick out in the crowd. The same could go towards you and Connor. An evil smirk crossed your features, making Connor arch a brow in concern. “What is it?”

You leaned forward, tapping Hank on the shoulder. “Stop at my apartment. I have an idea.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YALL FOR READING!!! I LOVE AND STAN YOU ALL!!!
> 
> Like what you read?  
> Make sure to...
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> LEAVE A COMMENT!  
> Your comments mean the universe! Hearing your thoughts make me so incredibly happy. I read every single comment and come back and read them again in the future.
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> LEAVE KUDOS!  
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> AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...  
> Have a great day/night!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Connor plan what's next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND FINALLY - THEY GET TO TALK!  
> Connor and the reader really haven't been able to have a good one-on-one in a while. The whole deviant business kinda got in the way of that. But finally - oh so finally - we get to see them interact. And this shit was FUN to write.   
> I won't spoil much for you but I rewrote this chapter a bit to make it more accurate. And while I want them to kiss and make love - you can't rush those things. But I promise soon ya'll will be satisfied ; )  
> So that being said - enjoy this chapter! It, once again, delves into the reader's character a lot. I really enjoy writing about the reader, and writing "your" interactions with Connor!  
> ENJOY~~~!
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Alcohol abuse tw  
> Suicide talk tw

Hank dropped you and Connor off at your apartment, a place you hadn’t seen since Stratford happened. The last scene there had been a nasty one; marked by blood, glass shards and fear. 

     You’d feared Connor seeing how broken you were then - how afraid you were of what might happened and what you’d done. Then, You’d only just begun to realize maybe you were fighting on the wrong side. 

     And as you went to unlock your apartment door, you remembered that Connor had kicked it in the last time he was there. You shot him a look, and you swore he smiled in mild embarrassment. “I expect some payment for my door,” you jokingly said, and his LED turned yellow. 

    “I apologize. I ordered you a new one. It Should arrive in two days,” he said and you pinched the bridge of your nose, suppressing a laugh. Of course he’d take that seriously. 

    “I-I was joking,” you said, and Connor cocked his head, a clever look in his eyes. Was he joking too? Finally that laugh came from you. “You asshole. You’re messing with me,” you giggled, elbowing his side playfully. He stumbled a bit, expression amused. You rolled your eyes at him before pushing open your die. 

    Inside, you were greeted by the the sight of an absolute mess. You never had cleaned your shit up before leaving with Connor. 

   Your TV was still on, along with various lights. Hank clearly hadn’t stopped by - something you were thankful for. You didn’t want the old man touching your shit. That meant, however, the place was a fucking mess. 

    You groaned at the sight of the dozen bottles or so on the ground, mildly embarrassed Connor would see. Whatever, the two of you didn’t have much time. “Sorry for the mess,” you sighed, closing the door behind Connor as he entered your apartment. 

   “It’s not a problem. Hank’s house was much worse.” 

    You snorted. “Tell me about it,” you hummed. The two of you hovered, you placing your hands on your hips as you looked around. “So… what’s the plan?” you asked, gesturing to the couch. Connor sat down as you shifted, quickly gathering all the glass bottles. 

   “We know where Jericho is. My mission is to stop Markus. I’ll infiltrate their group, and find him.” He made it sound so simple when you  _ knew  _ it would be anything but. 

   “Well, you can’t go in looking like...that,” you said, gesturing to his uniform. That sad puppy look came back as he looked down at himself. “I mean- not that you look bad cuz you look good but…” You stuttered, blushing heavily as you made a fool out of yourself. Connor’s eyes returned to you, a brow raising and lips curling. You cleared your throat. Shit, why were you so awkward? “They’ll recognize you, ya know? You’re the ‘deviant hunter’. They probably have posters warning people about you,” you joked, suppressing a laugh. “I might have some old clothes that I stole from Gavin’s locker. I made him run around the station nude one time.”

    “He seems to care about you,” Connor said, and you shook your head with wide eyes. 

      “Mmm… I don’t think so. He’s an asshole. He harassed you that one time, remember?” You threw the bottles into the trash before opening your fridge, grabbing a cold bottle. Popping it open, you took a swig to calm your nerves. “Although if it weren’t for him, I probably wouldn’t have made it out. Perkins was about to grab me when Gavin threw his shoe at him. Knocked the fucker down!” You laughed through your drink. Perkin’s face had been priceless.

    But Connor wasn’t laughing. If anything, he looked...upset? Serious? You didn’t really know, but it made you bite back any more laughter and tense up. “What happened after Mark I was destroyed?”

Your blood chilled, and you swallowed roughly, wrapping your hand around the bottle. Your body leaned against the counters as you moved your gaze to the alcohol in it, not daring to meet Connor’s gaze. Of course he’d bring this up. “Uh… Well Hank was upset so I went home with him. We had some drinks and…” Clenching your jaw, you forced your gaze to meet Connor’s. His eyes were curious, but there was an intimate sense of understanding in them. He already knew what had happened - just by listening and watching  _ you.  _

“You attempted suicide.” Hearing it from him made you shake your head, anxiety pumping through your veins. You couldn’t let him know how much his death had affected you. What would he think? What would he  _ do?  _ Knowing him, he’d probably insist on some psychiatric treatment and suggest you didn’t come with him to Jericho. He saw your panic, and he rose to his feet slowly, as though not to scare you. “You haven’t been home since Stratford, indicating fear and remorse. You also aren’t carrying your weapon, suggesting it was confiscated. That and I heard Gavin.” He almost looked sheepish at that last bit, but you didn’t find humor in it. You felt annoyance and...shame. 

“You know I don’t like to be analyzed,” you hissed grip on the bottle tightening. Your knuckles were turning white. 

“I know,” Connor said. It was obviously his way of saying,  _ I know and I don’t care.  _

“Then why analyze me? Why do you care?” you hissed, jerking your gaze up. He’d moved closer, now on the other side of the countertop. He was looking down at you, an unreadable expression on his face. Finally seeing him so close and alive made tears prick your eyes, and all you wanted to do was run your fingers along his body and  _ feel him.  _ You wanted to put every detail of his essence into memory, feel every wrinkle and pinpoint every miniscule, perfectly placed flaw.

Because you could lose him. And that possibility of losing him  _ again  _ left you bloody and raw.

Connor didn’t answer. Your attempt at deflection didn’t work. His eyes wavered on your face before he turned, staring you down. “Why did you try to kill yourself?”

Bastard. You pursed your lips, crossing your arms with a sigh. “You won’t let this go, huh?” He shook his head. Another sigh came from you. “I just... Seeing that girl at Eden’s Club die and then…”  _ Losing you. Letting you die. Not protecting you.  _ “You died and I was overwhelmed. I felt so guilty. I...I turned in so many deviants thinking I was doing the right thing but I wasn’t, Connor. I wasn't! Because of me so many androids who just wanted a life  _ died.  _ Like that girl at Eden’s Club, like you and I failed them… I failed you and-” 

Connor stepped forward, hesitation evident as he stood there. He was incredibly close - so close you could smell that all too realistic musk. For a moment, he seemed to consider  _ something.  _ His LED was a harsh yellow as it flickered, his brown eyes flicking between your face to your arms to your body. What choices was he considering? What was he going to do? What were his intentions?

Slowly...ever so slowly…Connor’s hand raised. His fingers were twitching as he reached for you, LED still yellow and eyes flickering with something unknown. Was he afraid? Was he upset? You had no way of knowing. All you knew was the touch of his fingers on your hand, brushing against your skin. The sensation shocked you. You felt your heart stutter and tears well in your eyes. 

He was alive.

He was  _ alive. _

Tears began to stream down your face as you swallowed a sob. You’d lost him and now here he was - standing in your apartment. It felt so surreal. It felt so overwhelming. Just the other day he died in your  _ fucking arms.  _ Just the other day you had failed, you had let him die. Just the other day you took a gun to your head and-

Arms wrapped around you, pulling into you a tight, warm body. You gasped before it was cut off by the soft fabric of a white shirt, pressing against your face. Your arms hung at your side awkwardly, unsure of what to do or where to go. So you just stood there as Connor embraced you, head slowly lowering until his chin rest on the top of your head. “You did not fail,” he said into your hair, and your hands began to shake. 

Your hands came up, shakingly resting on Connor’s waist. Could you touch him? Would you touch him? If you did, there was no going back. You could still shut yourself off and never feel for him again. You could still tell yourself all you wanted to be was friends. But the moment you touched him and held him, you couldn’t do it.

You closed your eyes. “I let you die.”

He shook his head. “No. You didn’t.” 

“I don’t know… I don’t know how to stop feeling so guilty, Connor. What do I  _ do?”  _ Your voice snagged at the end, ragged and broken as the tears wet his shirt. You felt sobs begin to wrack your body. “What do I do?”

“Don’t drink as much.” You pulled back, shooting a glare up at Connor. “There’s various treatment facilities that can help. But first I suggest visiting a therapist who-”

“Connor-” you began, and he stopped.

“Right… No analyzing.” He paused and you leaned your head back into his chest, closing your eyes. You simply let the smell of him wrap around you - a natural musk that would fool anyone into believing he were human. “We’ll...figure it out.”

_ We.  _ He said  _ we.  _ Did he realize that? Did he mean it? Or were you just reading too far into it?

Your hands came to rest on his waist, and you knew there was no going back. But as he held you, you realized that was fine. You were okay with that. You were okay with having no idea where to go from here, but just knowing he’d be with you. You were okay with simply living if he was living alongside you. 

You were okay with this. 

“Just… Don’t get hurt, okay?” you whispered into his chest. “Don’t get hurt at Jericho.”

“I have to apprehend Markus,” Connor said, and you shook your head. 

“You don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, Connor.” 

It was silent for a moment. 

“Yes I do.”

And you knew he was right.

 

Connor insisted on helping you clean your apartment while you retrieved the clothes he’d wear into Jericho. You’d told him he didn’t need to clean - that you could do it yourself. But he’d given you a gentle smile, one that made your arguments die and your heart stutter, and assured it was no trouble. 

“You don’t have to,” you said. 

“I know,” he’d replied. You guessed that was that. 

You’d gone into your room, drawers still open and sheets still crumpled. You’d been here only a day or so before, recovering from a self-induced hangover and guilt trip. It was weird to return to a space where you’d had no idea of what was to come. You’d changed so much since then, and it left you feeling fragmented but proud. 

You could get through this. 

You would be okay.

It wasn’t too hard to find Gavin’s clothes. You’d thrown them into a plastic grocery bag in your closet, not wanting his assholery to infect your own clothing. You pulled them out and stifled a groan at how douchebag-y they were. Connor would absolutely look like some hobo in this. But in all honesty - you were looking forward to seeing him in clothing outside of his android uniform.

You gathered the bag in your arms and walked out to the kitchen, seeing Connor in the kitchen. He was washing some dishes, a calm expression on his face. You paused, leaning your body against the doorway as you watched him. You knew he was an android, but the idea of him simply living with you and actually sharing a domestic life… It left you yearning for more.

The sink turned off, Connor turning and raising his gaze to you. You jerked up, clearing your throat as you tried to hide the obvious love in your gaze. “I-I found the clothes. They kinda smell like Gavin so sorry about that,” you said, approaching your friend. He faced you know, taking the bag. “They should fit you though. You two kind of have the same body shape.” Connor kind of frowned at that, probably due to him being compared to  _ Gavin.  _ You laughed. “You’re better, don’t worry.” You realized that sounded weird considering the context however, and you sputtered, face heating. “I- I mean you’re better than Gavin. Not like your body!” He raised his brown eyes on you. You swallowed. “I mean not that you have a bad body cuz you don’t! Your body is g-good and-” You closed your mouth, hiding your face with a hand. “Nevermind. I’m...just gonna have a beer.”

You scooted past Connor, cursing at yourself mentally. Fuck, why were you so awkward?! His gaze was hot on you as you opened the fridge, going to grab a bottle. But when you opened the fridge there was no beer. You frowned. Weird… Did you misplace them? Maybe some whiskey then to calm your nerves. With a huff you went to where you kept your liquor only to find it empty. Ok, you hadn’t drank all your alcohol when you were drunk.

What the fuck was going on?

“Connor, did you see my whiskey and shit?” you asked, looking back at him. He nodded before gesturing to the door.

“Yes. I threw it out.” He smiled. “The first step to improving mental health is to not drink.”  He turned into your room, closing the door to get dressed.

You blanched, eyes wide and jaw agape. He wasn’t fucking around when he said you should stop drinking to get better. He wasn’t lying when he said  _ we.  _ He was trying to help. 

He was  _ serious  _ about helping  _ you. _

You wanted to yell at him. You wanted to say “what the fuck, I need a drink” but you couldn’t. You could find the anger to scream at him, to blame him because twelve hours prior he was  _ dead.  _

So instead of yelling at him and climbing down the garbage chute to get a drink, you grabbed a glass and filled it with water. You could live without alcohol if it meant living with him. 

You sat down on the couch, propping up your feet to finally relax after a long, stressful day. When you’d woken up from your depression fueled sleep, you hadn’t anticipated ending up here with Connor in your  _ bedroom  _ getting dressed. You’d anticipated crying, sobbing, fighting, drinking, suffering… But Connor was alive, and now the two of you would be going on a mission together.

Could you do this? The two of you had to. And if Connor was intent on capturing Markus, you had to change his mind. 

Could you make him deviate from his mission? Could you make him change his mind and not follow his orders? You didn’t know but fuck, it was worth trying.

You had to protect him, and if he helped Markus, Cyberlife would no doubt get their greasy fucking hands back on your friend. And who knew what they would do when they had the deviants leader? Genocide was the most likely option, and you couldn’t risk that. 

This wasn’t just about you or Connor. This was about  _ everyone.  _

Androids deserved rights. They deserved freedom. They deserved to feel happiness, sadness, anger, fear,  _ and love.  _ You wanted Connor to finally smile without restraint. You wanted Connor to tell you his wants and his dreams, you wanted him to become someone more than the ‘Android sent by Cyberlife’ and the ‘Deviant Hunter’. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe you just wanted him to be free in hopes of spending more time with him. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

But fuck it. The two of you deserved some happiness. And if the two of you found it in each other, then who gave a damn? 

That was if Connor found happiness in you. You didn’t know what he wanted. Fuck, did Connor even  _ let  _ himself feel wants and desires? Again you didn’t know. You didn’t know jack fucking shit. But fuck it. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck-

A door opened behind you, causing you to turn and look. Connor was in the doorway, having a very confused look on his face. And oh  _ fuck…  _ He looked good. 

While you couldn’t get past the fact that Gavin had once worn what he was, you could get acknowledge that he looked absolutely  _ sexy  _ out of his uniform. A baggy sweatshirt and tight coat managed to fit his body while still allowing some anonymity, old jeans loose but tight. His hair was still visible, a dead giveaway if he walked into Jericho like that.

You couldn’t stop the grin on your face as you stood, approaching him. “Wow,” you hummed, stopping a foot or two away. It wasn’t close enough, in your opinion. All you wanted was to run your hands through his hair and then grab his face and kiss him senseless and strip- You coughed, catching your thoughts before they progressed. Connor looked more confused. “You look-you look  _ human,”  _ you said lamely and Connor nodded.

“Good. If it gets me into Jericho and to Markus, then it’s good,” he said, and you rolled your eyes before crossing your arms, peering up at his face. He looked...too monotone? Too formal?

“Slouch,” you said, pointing to his shoulders. “You look so formal.” You expected some objection or excuse, but he squared his shoulders to break out of his oh-so-right posture. You smirked. “And...look angry? Like you’re reading to kick some ass?”

“Whose ass?” he asked and you threw your head back with a laugh. 

“You swore!” you giggled, cupping your face to try and calm your laughter. Connor looked almost amused as you giggled. “Sorry I just...haven’t heard you swear,” you said.

“I’ve sworn before.”

“Ooh bad Connor,” you snorted before grabbing his coat, pulling it down with a thoughtful expression. “Hmm… Maybe think about kicking Gavin’s ass?” you suggested, and Connor nodded, furrowing his brows and frowning in an attempt to look intimidating. You found it cute. “You just look like someone kicked a puppy. Get ready for a fight! He stole your coffee! Kick his ass Connor!” you shouted, jumping up and down as you tried to hype him up.

But he stopped. “I don’t drink coffee.”

You groaned, pausing in your jumping. “Ok then what if he stole your coin?” He looked angry now, and you resumed bouncing. “Yeah! Gavin stole your coin! He’s trying to do your tricks but is fucking awful! Kick his ass Connor!” you cheered, and he finally squared his shoulders and bent his knees, looking ready to fuck some shit up. You clapped. “Yes! There you go! Now you look like an angry android.” 

Seeing that you were pleased, Connor returned to his regular posture. “Good. Hopefully I’ll blend in,” he said and you nodded. 

“I’m sure you will. Now let me get out of these clothes,” you said, gesturing to your uniform. It was all dirty and gross after you wearing it for essentially two days. You pointed to the couch. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Connor nodded, and you brushed pass him. Now  _ you  _ had to look like a hobo. 

You approached your dresser, opening up the various drawers. You more or less only had formal clothing, your job being more or less your entire world. Dating? Who had time for that? Hobbies? Who had energy for that? Friends? Who had those? You had Hank and a few detectives you could pass jokes with, but friends were long gone. You spent almost your entire time at work doing paperwork or working scenes.

There was a reason why you moved up the ranks somewhat fast.

But you did have a few jeans and hoodies that could pass as...hobo-ish. You were more caught on the modern trends but you didn’t think deviants would be too worried about fashion trends. So you pulled on the darkest and hobo-est hoodie you owned along with jeans and sneakers, pulling up your hood to obscure your appearance.

Hopefully you and Connor would appear like runaway deviant buds. With a huff, you went to pull open your door before spotting a beanie on the top of your dresser. Right, he needed to obscure his head. His hair was too iconic to forget. Grabbing it, you pulled open the door and saw Connor watching cartoons. You huffed a laugh, catching his attention.

He stood, turning to see you. His eyes briefly widened and you blushed, frowning. “I know… I don’t have a lot of clothes beside work stuff,” you sighed, but he shook his head.

“You look… very deviant,” he said, but it came off as though it were a good thing. You smirked.

“Is that a compliment?” you asked and his LED flickered, a pout appearing on his picture-perfect face. You waved it off, holding up the beanie. “I got you something to hide your LED. Should pull together the hobo look perfectly,” you said and Connor came over to you, taking the beanie and pulling it on. A few hair still stuck out so you rose on your toes, pulling it down to cover his entire head.

Stepping back, you nodded in approval. “Good. Now we both look like runaway deviants!” 

“What’s our story? Our aliases?” he asked. 

You pursed your lips in thought, crossing your arms as you tapped your foot. He was really getting into this, but you didn’t mind. It was fun besides the whole he could die and you could let thousands of androids die. “Hmm…”  you hummed. “Bonnie and Clyde?” you suggested, and he got that faraway look again as he thought.

“Bonnie and Clyde were an American criminal couple who traveled the U.S and killed several citizens and nine police officers.” He gave you an inquiring look. “Are we a criminal couple?”

You paused. “Do you want to be?” you asked. He nodded. You pumped your arm in the air. “Hell yeah! Let’s fuck some shit up.”

He smirked. “Let’s fuck some shit up.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Connor set out to find Jericho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE DID IT...  
> WE HIT 1,000+ KUDOS!  
> I am so incredibly happy that we hit 1,000 kudos. It's always been a dream of mine to have a story reach thousands of views and now a thousand likes! I'm just so incredibly honored and grateful for all of you I just can't! <3
> 
> With that being said, have some more cute interactions between reader and Connor! I hope ya'll like it : )

Thankfully, the two of you didn’t have to drive Hank’s shitty, beat up car to Jericho. Hank had agreed to wait at his house after some convincing. And by convincing, it was simply you annoying him until he decided whatever worries he had weren’t worth dealing with you. Without his piece of shit car and even shittier Metal music, that allowed you to drive your sweet ass  _ Mini Cooper. _

“This car is from 2012,” Connor said at the sight, a confused and mildly...disgusted expression on his face. You nodded with a smile, pulling out your keys and pressing the unlock button. Connor gave it a speculative look. “It still has keys?”

You scoffed. “Bluetooth connection is  _ lame,  _ Connor,” you said. “It’s more satisfying to punch a button and hear a noise!” You fixed him with a grin, but in response he merely shook his head and sighed.

“If it gets us to Jericho, then that’s fine,” he said before approaching your car. You laughed before following, opening the driver door. Some pop cans and wrappers were scattered about, but it was much less shitty than Hank’s car. 

With a grunt, you buckled up and gestured to Connor. He was simply sitting in the seat, looking mildly uncomfortable in the small ass area. It was comical seeing strict, formal Connor in such an eccentric car. Then again, he was dressed up as a ‘deviant’. To fit in, he couldn’t be his typical strict self.“Connor, you look fucking depressed. Act… I don’t know… Deviant-y?” you suggested and he looked at you, narrowing his eyes. 

“Deviant-y?” he asked, and you shrugged.

“I don’t know what the fuck else to call it,” you sighed. “Maybe just smile at my jokes? Maybe a little bit?”

“But your jokes aren’t funny.” 

You flipped him off and he finally smiled. A large grin curled your face as you pointed to him with a loud “A-HA!”. “Ha! See! I got you to smile! You’re a total deviant now. Thank me later,” you laughed and Connor shook his head. But there were no denials. There was no “I’m an android, not a deviant” from him. There was that simple shake of his head and...yeah. Just that.

Maybe he was getting into character. Yeah, he was getting into his whole ‘deviant’ role.

You digged it. You liked it. You loved it.

You started your car, trying to dismiss the fuzzy feelings in your chest. So, to fill up the silence, you turned on your radio. “No shitty metal music for us,” you said. “Whatcha wanna listen to?” you asked.

Connor tilted his head. He seemed puzzled. “I haven’t had much chance to listen to music,” he said and you furrowed your brow. 

“Ok… So what does  _ Deviant  _ Connor wanna listen to?” You gave him a supportive smile, hoping he’d loosen up and live a little. There’d been a noticeable change in him attitude, in his behavior. He seemed less formal and strict. Maybe he was finally letting himself... _ feel  _ a little.

That would be dangerous territory though. If Cyberlife knew he deviated, they would surely try to capture him and hurt him. You wouldn’t let that happen. You’d lost him once - you wouldn’t lose him again.

“I don’t know,” he said and you shrugged, grabbing your phone and connecting it via USB. 

“That’s alright. To get you started, you need to know the classics.”

“What classics?”

A peppy beat came on, blasting through the stereos. Connor’s LED briefly flicked to yellow before returning to blue, a puzzled expression on his features. Surely he was scanning his databases for information on the song, but it was too late.

You bobbed your head to the beat before whipping your head back dramatically, fixing him with a smoldery gaze. “ _ I STAY UP TOO LATE!”  _ you sang with an embarrassingly bad voice. Connor’s eyes widened.  _ “GOT NOTHING ON MY BRAIN!”  _

You switched your car into reverse, backing up out of the garage. As you did so, you shook your shoulders in tune.  _ “THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE SAY!”  _ You waved your head back and forth as you hummed,  _ “HMM! HMM!”  _

You turned the car into drive, peeling out onto the road. “SING IT CONNOR!” you yelled. You looked over with a grin, watching Connor tilt his head as he surely tried to remember the lyrics.

“That’s what people say?” he asked in a very matter-of-fact voice, and you cheered.

“ _ HMM HMM!” _

 

Thankfully, Jericho was located in a secluded port that was surrounded by old construction sites and junkyards. There were plenty of dark spots for you and Connor to hide in, and plenty of tucked away entrances to infiltrate. You expected Jericho to be in the old apartment full of graffiti, or maybe even the junkyards.

What you didn’t expect, however, was that Jericho was the huge ass boat in the harbor.

“Huh,” you said, scratching your chin. “How the hell do we get into there?” you asked and Connor frowned, clearly as confused as you. He looked around in pursuit of an entrance.

Within moments, he raised a hand towards a walkway. Various shipping containers surrounded it. “Go through there. It should provide access towards the vessel,” he said and you patted him on the back.

“God, I love androids,” you sighed with a grin. Connor arched a brow down at you before shaking his head, taking off towards the walkway. He still walked like  _ himself _ , and you took off after him. “Connor, don’t walk like yourself! Walk like you’re going to kick ass!” you called and he paused before slouching and squaring his shoulders. You felt like a proud mama duck seeing her ducklings off. 

With a giggle, you followed his lead. The air reeked of shit and trash as the two of you slowly made your way towards the ship and wherever Connor saw an entrance. You had no idea how he could just scan the area and search the internet to know where to go, but you weren’t complaining. 

Ducking under some rubble, you turned a watchful eye behind you. Paranoia crept at your heels, an endless shadow. Your fingers twitched. Fuck, you really wished you had your gun. “When do you think the FBI will be here?” you asked.

You couldn’t see Connor as he was in front of you, body almost completely obscuring your vision. But you imagined he had that furrowed brow and thinned lips. He always did when he was thinking. “Roughly an hour. In that time, I have to locate and arrest Markus,” he said and you scowled.

“ _ ‘I’ _ ?” you asked, referring to his terminology. “I thought  _ we  _ were doing this.” 

He shook his head. “Cyberlife instructed  _ me  _ to apprehend Markus.”

Your heart stuttered at that, and you stopped in your tracks. Connor meant for the two of you to separate. But with an impending FBI raid? And with deviants who would surely defend themselves? There was inevitable danger. Fear made you pale. It made your fingers twitch and sweat coat your skin. Connor noticed the lack of footsteps behind him, and he paused, turning to see you standing. 

The shadows played with his features, making him look dark and deadly. To some random person, he’d appear as a Russian hitman or some shit. But to you, he looked like  _ Connor -  _ like the android you’d stupidly fallen for and sworn to protect. And you wouldn’t let him risk his life. You  _ couldn’t.  _ “No,” you said firmly, surprised at how put together you were. “No, I won’t let you go by yourself. You could get hurt.” 

Connor turned his body to face you, and that posture straightened. His LED flickered. “You can’t come. You might get hurt.” 

Hearing that made your heart stutter. Did he..did he admit that he cared? Or was that some programming? You didn’t know. The possibilities made your blood rush. “I can take care of myself,” you said, taking a step forward. His head tilted at the movement. “You know I can.”

“I can protect myself too.” The ‘you know I can’ was left unsaid, but understood. 

Another step. Your hand twitched. “I can’t risk you...getting hurt again,” you said, voice cracking. You both knew him  _ getting hurt  _ wasn’t what you were truly concerned about. 

“I can take a gunshot. You can’t,” he said and you scoffed.

“Why does this need to come to fighting, Connor? You don’t have to take Markus. You don’t have to do this,” you said, voice desperate. You could feel your terror leaking, the reality of the situation becoming more and more suffocating. 

You’d just got him back. And now you were expected to see him leave once more. 

Kamski wouldn’t repair him again. 

For a few moments, Connor didn’t say anything. He just... _ looked  _ at you with some unknown expression you’d never seen him wear before. Was it curiosity? Was it annoyance? Your hands were shaking at your side. You’d let your girlfriend go, and now she was six feet under the ground. The sweater of hers was in your closet. But it’d lost her scent years ago. 

“I can’t risk a human life,” he said finally before turning. You seethed, running after him and grabbing his wrist. With a harsh tug, you yanked him back. He could easily resist you, but he still turned. That unknown look still painted his eyes. 

“ _ I _ can risk my life, and I will. I won’t leave your side. You’ll have to knock me out to make me leave you,” you said. You meant it too. You’d made a promise to protect him. You wouldn’t break it again. A smirk came to your features. “And you can’t risk hurting a human, right?” 

The corners of his lips twitched but he didn’t smile. That was fine. He didn’t say anything as he leaned back. You let go of his wrist, pleased he’d decided to let up. “Be careful,” he said. An unspoken  _ please  _ was left hanging at the end of his words. It made your heart thrum. 

“Always am,” you replied. He arched a brow. 

“You’re the most reckless person I know.”

A grin curled your features as the two of you walked towards the boat, so close your fingers touched. He was  _ warm. Alive.  _ And you would do anything to keep it that way. 

You spared a look to his face, catching those warm brown eyes. He was so determined to do what he believed was right. He was unbelievably intelligent, incredibly kind and most of all - he was  **good.** Not once had he hurt someone. Not one had he killed someone. 

Connor was something...no,  _ someone  _ important. He was a leader, even if he denied it. He was strong, spirited, and kind. 

He was worth more than anything else in the world. 

“Thank you.”

 

Thankfully, Connor’s probing of the deviant back at the station gave him plenty of inside information. Jericho was incredibly smart in how they operated, hiding signs of resistance in plain sight. Connor revealed to you various signs pointing androids in the right way graffitied in the open. 

He scanned them, gaining a new clue of where to go. You were honestly pretty jealous of his scanning abilities. “Can you see through people’s clothes? Like with x ray and stuff?” you asked him as the two of you ducked into a tunnel. According to him, this would lead them to an entrance into the ship. 

“Yes,” he said before looking to you, eyeing your body. Face heating, you screeched as you covered yourself with your hands. A large smirk made its way onto Connors lips as he shook his head. “No, we can’t.”

You sputtered, crossing your arms. “Did you just joke with me?” 

He shrugged. “I answered your question.”

_ Smartass. _

Connor was right. As you approached the end of the tunnel, a large door came into sight. It definitely appeared to be an entrance into the ship. You pat Connor on the back. “I love your computer brain,” you sighed. He shot you an inquisitive look but didn’t press. Instead, he grabbed the doors handle and twisted it open. With a loud creak, the door swung open. Inside it was dark and musty, water pooling at the ships floors. The vessel was falling apart. Rust coated almost every corner. 

“Be careful. The floor has given out,” Connor warned as he stepped through the doorway. You ducked in behind him. 

“Fuck, I can barely see,” you hissed. “Where do we go?”

Connor paused, the two of you coming up on an intersection. He looked back and forth, LED pulsing. After a moment he nodded to himself. “Follow me,” he instructed before taking off down a hallway. You did as he asked, keeping with his pace. The ship groaned underneath the two of yours weight as you two ran, and you feared it would snap and break beneath you. 

Fuck, this shit was unstable. But you simply kept moving with Connor. When he dodged, you dodged. When he paused, you paused. The two of you moved perfectly in sync. The two of you were simply and undeniably connected. 

It made your body pulse with dopamine. 

His hand abruptly shot out, and you stumbled to a stop. You nearly collided with him but thankfully grabbed the wall, keeping you from tripping like an idiot. “What the hell?” you hissed, and Conor looked back at you.

His eyes were wide, lips slightly ajar. You frowned as you looked over his shoulder, finally hearing the faint sound of… “Are those voices?” you asked and Connor nodded.

“Down those stairs is Jericho.” You reached up and pulled down his arm, taking a step forward. You were beside him now, catching quick glances from him. 

“So... “ you hummed. “What’s our story? What’s our plan?”

“Our..story?” he asked and you rolled your eyes, crossing your arms as you faced him. You gave him an amused look, having to look rather high to make eye contact. Why the fuck had Cyberlife needed to make him relatively tall? 

“Yeah! Like our android names and where we’re from and why we’re here.” Connor didn’t seem to entirely understand or be on board so you stiffened, clearing your throat dramatically. Fluffing up your outfit, you put on a serious expression. “My name is Amelia Walsh. I was a custom android made to clean the house for a family prominent in the political field. One night, assassins broke in and shot and killed them. When they went to kill me, I struck back and deviated. Now...here I am,” you said, voice low and gruff. 

After a moment of holding the stiff posture and intense expression, a grin cracked your mask and you snorted. “I was messing around Connor. We can’t just walk in there and be...us,” you explained. “Like if you walk in there as Connor, the android sent by Cyberlife we’ll both be shot and killed in a fucking heartbeat.” With a smirk, you approached Connor and adjusted his jacket. You almost felt like a fretting mother. “So become...someone else. Blend in.”

He nodded. “Right… Blend in. Shouldn’t be too hard.”

A snicker. “Which means get that stick outta your ass.” With a pat on his shoulder, you turned and walked down the stairs.

And before you stretched  _ Jericho. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You explore Jericho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back and with another update! The fic is slowly approaching the end, but I'm very close to finishing it! I cant wait for ya'll to see the ending cuz its MM!  
> That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Reader finally gets to meet some very special people... :eyes:  
> So that being said.... ENJOY!

Jericho was more or less centrally located in the ship’s hull, a large and open area with rafters for more space. Water dripped from the ceiling, rust decorating almost every corner. The presence of winter and the water made the air musty and cold, and you found yourself suppressing shivers. Androids surely were able to turn off their cold sensitivity and therefore wouldn’t shake.

But it wasn’t some rundown, decrepit organization. No, this place felt like a true central command center. 

Intense lights shown from the ceiling, illuminating the  _ dozens  _ of deviants that were huddled together. The sheer number of androids seeking shelter took your breath away as both you and Connor walked into the hull. Connor even looked mildly impressed, if not visibly cautious. You didn’t entirely blame him considering the various weapons stacked in towers and located on the floor.

As the two of you entered the hull, you spun around with wide, mystified eyes. Deviants were sprawled along the rafters, some conversing and some simply resting. “There’s so many,” you said, breathless. Connor made an agreeing noise. “Are you going to arrest everyone?” you asked now, looking back your friend.

It was no surprise to see him frowning, clearly searching the faces for Markus. But the leader was nowhere to be found, something that filled you both with relief and fear. You couldn’t let Connor from your sight. If you did, he would surely find and apprehend Markus. And you couldn’t let that happen. Markus was their leader. Without him, the deviant cause would surely deteriorate.

“So, do you take bribes?” you asked Connor, and he shot you a look from the side of his eye. You took that as a no. With a shrug, you sighed. “Alright well… Lead the way!” you proclaimed before extending an arm, gesturing forward. 

Connor turned and faced you now, looking down with an obviously irritated expression. You offered a sheepish grin. “I came here for Markus,” he said. “I’m going to find him.” 

Great,  _ this  _ again. “I’m here for Markus too.” He raised his brows. “I got some important stuff to discuss with him.”

You knew that Connor wanted to probe. You knew Connor wanted to ask what your plan was, but with a quick wink his way he shook his head and turned. “Keep up then,” he said before slipping into a nearby crowd of deviants. With a curse, you followed him. You just had to keep an eye out for the edgy hobo android who walked too stiff and too formal. The two of you had rehearsed his walk dammit. And he still walked weird.

No matter how fucking odd he walked you still managed to lose him in the sea of people. You stopped in front of a burning trash can with a huff, planting your hands on your hips as you looked around. Where the fuck had he gone? Did Cyberlife give him a stealth program too?

You had to get to Markus before Connor did, but Lord knew where the fuck he was. There was no doubt in your mind he was busy and in high demand. Surely someone knew where he would be. 

_ Alright, game time.  _

As you looked around in an attempt to find either Connor or Markus, you saw the numerous frightened expressions on deviants. You surely stuck out with the frown on your face. If you were to blend in and find Connor, you needed to act like a deviant...like an android. You had to act like Amelia Walsh - the android who lived, bitch.

So you squared up your shoulders, wiping off that frown in favor of simply a furrowed brow. Your hands curled into fists at your side as you fell into character. You were here for the cause - to find Markus and offer your services. 

First, you’d start by simply patrolling the area. Then, you’d ask some friendly looking androids if they’d seen Markus and finally, you’d find him. Foolproof plan. 

You stepped through a group of deviants, keeping your movements sharp and straight. If anyone found it odd, they didn’t say so. They were all busy speaking with one another, resting or watching the various TV’s. You even paused and watching the News. They were covering and discussing Jericho and what it meant. 

Some were in favor, showing supporters towards the peaceful cause. Others were visibly afraid. You didn’t necessarily blame them. So many believed androids had been made without any possible capability to  _ feel.  _ And here they were - screaming they were, in fact, alive. 

And here you were - a human who wanted nothing but to  _ help.  _ You wanted to help right your mistakes. You wanted to make things better, to finally make the right decisions and help them be  _ free.  _ No longer would you work on cases to get them arrested and deactivated. No longer would you assist in the pursuit of capturing them. 

And you wouldn’t fail anyone - not again.

Hopefully you could find Connor and convince him that apprehending Markus wasn’t the right choice. 

For now you simply milled about, eyes flickering face from face. You recognized some faces from police reports you’d filed. You named off their models as you found them, and it warmed something in you to find them well. One deviant you’d filed a report on was kissing their lover, hands clasped together and bodies pulled in tight. Another deviant was consoling others, offering them gentle words and comforting touches.

But you stopped when you found one… It was an AX-400 model, the one you’d driven around in pursuit of. She looked different now, however - hair cut and shaggy and uniform obviously discarded. And now... now beside her was a tall, large TR-400 model and a young child. Your heart twisted at the sight as you paused, breath catching your throat.

She had never been found. There’d been countless hours of searching for her. Connor and Hank had even attempted to hunt her down. It almost felt like fate to find her here at Jericho.

Now you could right your wrongs and help her instead of trying to  _ arrest her.  _

So with a deep, steadying breath, you approached them. They appeared as a small family, huddled around each other in a protective manner. The TR-400 model had his arms wrapped around the young girl, her head against his arm. The AX-400 model was staring off at the TVS, but as you approached her gaze turned to you. You almost expected her to be cold. Why wouldn’t she be? 

But there was a startling, utter warmth to her as you approached. She was still tense and poised, but she didn’t look angry. She didn’t appear fearful. She simply seemed  _ curious.  _ At her change of movement, the others followed her gaze to see you. The child raised her head off of the man, appearing just as curious as her protector. 

“Hello,” you said. 

The woman tilted her head before offering a small smile. “Hello,” she greeted in return. 

You raised a hand and lay it on your chest. “I’m Amelia. I just got here and was wondering if I could speak with Markus?” The woman nodded, an understanding expression coming onto her face.

“I just spoke with him,” she said before standing. Her hand trailed along the man’s arm and he looked up at her. There was a light glinting in his eyes as his gaze rest on her face. The girl had the same expression on her face. It was the look of absolute, undying  _ love.  _ “He’s up those stairs.” She tilted her head, a mannerism similar to Connor’s. Did all androids have their own puppy dog look? “My name’s Kara, and this is Luther and Alice.”

You turned your attention to the man, Luther, and the child, Alice. They both offered small smiles your way and you gave one of your own. They all seemed so...happy together. Them being here and deviants seemed  _ right.  _ It made your heart sing. “What are you doing here?” you asked now. 

“We’re trying to get to Canada,” Kara said, crossing her arms to warm her body. “Markus said they’d get us passports, so we’re just waiting.”

“Why are you here?” asked the young girl - Alice. You looked over to her, seeing that wondering and inquisitive expression on her face. That made a warm smile curl on your features as you crouched to be more level with her. She shrank back into Luther but you didn’t blame her. They’d surely been through a lot. 

“I lost some people I really cared about,” you said softly. That wasn’t a lie. You’d lost Connor and now had to play “Where’s Waldo”. Except now it was Connor dressed up as hobo among others hobos. Definitely more tough. “I’m here to...help,” you finished lamely. But Alice didn’t seem to think it was lame. She nodded in support. No wonder why Kara deviated with her; she was adorable. You weren’t even a mom and felt the need to protect her. “To help people like you.”

“Robots?” Alice asked and you shook your head. 

“No… people and androids like you,” you said softly. “I want to help you both.” You knew you messed up the terminology, and for a moment you felt your heart skip a beat. But if Kara or Luther cared, they didn’t show it. If anything, Kara seemed to smile at the happy expression Alice now held. Your chest felt warm at the sight, but you knew you couldn’t linger. You had to find Markus. 

So you stood up straight, wiping off your leggings as you faced Kara. “Thank you for your help,” you said and she nodded. “Stay safe.” 

“You too.”

And with that you turned, guilt suddenly lighter. A case you had helped try to crack - a deviant’s life you’d tried to end by arresting them - was now free. Kara was free with Alice and Luther, and soon they’d be in Canada. They’d be  _ happy.  _

You could live with that. You could live with yourself knowing that.

So you smiled. Now you would find Markus and speak with him. You would tell him about Simon and you would convince Connor to not apprehend him.

Things would be okay - for you, for Connor, for everyone.

An alarm went off, echoing off the walls. Your head jerked at the sound, eyes rising to look around. Harsh red lights began to go off and you noticed others standing, speaking, looking. And then faintly, oh so faintly, you heard the sound of helicopters.

Your eyes widened and you spun on your heel, looking back to Kara and the others. They were standing too, Luther with his arms protectively around Alice. Kara’s eyes were wide and frightened as she turned her gaze from the ceiling to you.

You both said at the same time, “Run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The FBI raids Jericho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: PROTECT 

Everyone was screaming. There were shrill cries of terror as the alarms sounded off, the absolute chaos of people fleeing down the halls of Jericho just background noise. It was all deafening in your ears as you pushed Kara and Alice down the hallway, Luther behind you. Kara was leading the girl as Luther and you protected them.

“What’s going on?!” Luther yelled, and you pulled out your cell phone. You hit at it desperately but your hands were slippery with sweat. Where was Connor? Was he okay? Did he apprehend Markus?

Did he order this?

You huffed a breath out before pocketing your phone again. This wasn’t the time. And Connor wouldn’t...do this. He wouldn’t call them in. Right? “It must be the FBI,” you bit out before Kara stopped. Alice took a step back behind her, and that’s when you heard it.

There were footsteps and orders echoing down the hall. It must’ve been the soldiers. You looked around frantically, thoughts bursting and bubbling. You couldn’t take them on. They’d fucking gun you all down without a second thought. The government had gone in-fucking-sane. 

Kara suddenly jumped to the side, grabbing at a door in the hallway. She grabbed the handle and turned it. The yellow port door spun open, revealing an empty and rusty room. Without a second thought, you ushered Alice into the room as Kara and Luther followed. But you didn’t. You hovered outside the door, hands shaking.

Where was Connor? 

“What are you doing? Come on!” Kara hissed but you shook your head. 

“I can’t. I need to find Connor,” you said and they frowned. You swallowed before grabbing the door, holding their gaze intensely. “Stay safe. Get out. Live,” you said as you closed the door after them. There wasn’t any chance to hear their reply as the door shut. You didn’t lock it in case they needed to get out. Lord knows they’d need to keep moving. 

So, sending a prayer to the true God (the Spice Girls), you spun on your heels and barrelled down the hallway.

You had to find Connor.

As you faced the hallway, now alone, you saw flashlights approaching you. You had an idea, but without your badge it would be risky. If the FBI had orders to simply kill, you could be gunned down within seconds. You didn’t feel like dying - not now that you could make a difference. So, without a second thought, you grabbed the pocket knife you’d brought and raised your hands into the air.

Three soldiers turned the corners, crouched into their offensive positions and guns aimed straight at you. They paused at the sight of you standing there, hands raised and face surely full of fear. They looked to one another, probably exchanging incredulous looks and wondering what to do. But before they could come to the shitty conclusion to kill you, you spoke. “Detroit detective (L/N),” you called and they visibly stiffened. “I’m here working a case.”

One man, the group leader, spoke up. “DPD was taken off the case,” he called. “If you were a detective, you’d know that.” Their finger didn’t leave the trigger. Instead, it readjusted its grip. Your breath caught.

“Let me prove it.” It was a plea and you knew it. You hated having to beg, but you hated being shot more. 

You revealed the knife in your palm and you saw their guns lock onto your head. But you didn’t stop. You didn’t pause. You brought the knife down, dragging the blade across your palm. A sharp, stinging pain followed and you winced before letting the knife clatter to the ground. And, with a triumphant smile, you showed the red blood on your skin. “I’m human.”

They relaxed at the sight, taking their fingers off the trigger and standing up straight. One was laughing and the other was cursing. The leader just waved you off. You let out a sigh of relief, adrenaline still rushing through your veins. “Get out of here,” the leader said. “Head down that hallway and take a left. If others see you, say Perry verified you.” 

You reached down and grabbed your knife, pocketing it again. Who knew when it would come in handy? “Thanks,” you huffed as you walked past them. ‘Perry’ nodded to you as he turned to address the other two members of his team. You lingered, watching them for a moment as they conversed. 

Did you leave? Would Kara, Alice and Luther be safe? You couldn’t risk leaving them if it meant they could be hurt. You had no doubt they could protect themselves, but going up against three assholes with assault rifles? 

“Check the doors on the hallway. Eliminate any hostiles.” You stumbled to a stop, eyes widening as you looked back. Kara and the others were in that room. If they were found… 

Fuck it. Guess  _ you’d  _ be the one to go against three assholes with assault rifles. 

With a cry, you drew your fists above your head before diving them down into the helmet of a soldier. He dropped with a clang, and the others looked to you. Before they could decide to shoot, you stabbed your knife into the back of one’s knee. He screamed as you grabbed his body, pulling him in front of you. 

Perry, the leader, couldn’t shoot you now. If he did, he’d kill one of his own. And these fuckers were more loyal to each other than to doing the right thing. You hissed at him. “Drop your gun,” you demanded. He didn’t. Your hand took hold of the knife you’d buried into his knee, ripping it out of his skin before dragging it in front of his throat. “Drop your gun or he dies.” 

You couldn’t kill him. You couldn’t take a life. But Perry didn’t know that. These soldiers didn’t know that. They only cared about each other and nothing else.

So he dropped his gun. 

You pushed your hostage off to the side, letting him stumble and fall. He wouldn’t be able to move with the stab wound. Perry watched you, and you were sure there was hate in his eyes. But you didn’t care. All you cared about was doing the right thing, and protecting the androids here was what you would do.

Reaching down, you grabbed Perry’s dropped weapon. You inspected it, checking it out. There weren’t too many bullets and you wondered how many innocent androids Perry had killed. How many innocent people had he ordered the others to kill? 

How many would he and his people kill tonight?

Anger was hot in your chest as you looked to him, a snarl evident on your expression. “You killed so many innocents” you hissed. “They just wanted to be free.”

He shook his head. “They’re machines. They don’t feel anything.”

“That’s a lie you tell yourself to make this right,” you whispered. “That’s a lie and you’ll have to live with it for the rest of your life.” With a cry, you jammed the butt of the gun into his head. Perry fell, unconscious.

You spit on his body, breathing heavy. These people were brainwashed. These people were afraid of the truth. And you hated them. You hated them for not wanting to listen. With rage blistering your veins you faced the other soldier, who was crying and groaning on the ground. A puddle of red was underneath him. You approached him, aiming the gun down at his despicable body. “You killed so many,” you cried. You thought back to the eyes of the girl at Eden’s Club. You thought back to  _ Connor’s  _ eyes as he died. And you knew there were dozens more pairs of eyes just like theirs thanks to this... _ man.  _ “You killed so many innocent people.”

“I’m sorry,” he wheezed, shaking his head. His hand raised, bloody and shaking. “I’m sorry please… Please don’t kill me.”

Something wet dripped down your face, and you realized you were crying. You were crying from how  _ angry  _ you were, from how  _ heartbroken _ you were. With a shake of your head, you looked back behind you. 

Kara, Alice and Luther were standing there, watching. Something in your body stuttered at the sight. Kara’s knuckles were white on Alice’s shoulders. They were all pale.

And their eyes…

They were terrified.

You wouldn’t become them. You wouldn’t become a killer. You wouldn’t. 

So you threw the gun onto the ground and stepped back. You stepped back from the man bleeding on the ground and you turned your back to him. Now you faced your friends, who seemed entirely lost and afraid. You offered a smile as you approached them. “Grab one of their guns, and get to Canada,” you said. “Stay safe.”

“Where will you go?” asked Alice. Turning your gaze down to her, you saw those innocent eyes that had seen entirely so much... _ too  _ much. She needed to be protected. She needed to be free and live. She needed Kara  _ and  _ Luther. 

So you crouched down, running a thumb along her cheek. “Somewhere safe. But now you gotta go to Wonderland with your mom and dad.” Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Kara and Luther look to one another. Smiles crossed their faces as they held each other’s gaze. “Promise me something, okay?” Alice nodded slowly. “No matter what happens, never forget how much they love you. Never forget how special you are. And never give up, okay?”

“Okay.”

You raised a pinky finger. “Pinky promise?”

Alice smiled and raised her pinky finger to yours. “Pinky promise.”

You reached up and ruffled her hair. “Good. Now go kick some ass.” Alice giggled as you stood up, looking to her parents.

“We’ll keep her safe,” Kara said before reaching for your hand. Her touch was warm as she squeezed it reassuringly. There was an understanding look in her eyes. “Thank you.”

A clatter came from behind you all, and you stiffened. They needed to go. You swallowed roughly as you stepped in front of them, determined for them to not get hurt. “You need to go,” you said. “There’s still others. Get out and never look back.”

For a moment, they hesitated. They watched you with apprehensive stares, lingering and stalling. There was something unspoken but not unheard as you all wavered between chaos and peace. 

Then it was over. 

They spun on their heels and barrelled down the hall, leaving you alone. But you weren’t scared. You weren’t afraid of being shot or dying. For once, you were on the right side. For once, you were fighting for the right people. 

And for once, you wouldn’t fail them now. 

So you grabbed the pistol from one of the fallen soldiers, reloaded it and set out to find your partner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK U ALL V MUCH FOR READING THIS FIC!!! IT MAKE ME HAPP!
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	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...you might have noticed something a bit different or odd... and that's being that the fic now says chapter 15/18.  
> yes - i have officially finished writing "Do You Feel Alive?" !!! nearly 60,000 words later, and over 115 pages in docs, the fic is DONE!   
> i plan to beta - read and edit stuff over the next few days or week or so, so stay tuned! but the ending is so good... and i cannot WAIT for you guys to read it!  
> i wont spoil anything, but it's LIT.
> 
> because of this, the next update will be Friday, followed by an update on Tuesday and the FINAL CHAPTER being up on Friday - August 3rd!   
> so stay tuned yall - cuz its gonna be fucking amazing. <3
> 
> ENJOY~!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> violence !

There were so many bodies. They littered the floor, crumpled and broken and bleeding as they lived no longer. Some androids died together, reaching for one another or on top of the other. They spent their final moments knowing only what they could never have. They died knowing they could never spend their lives together.

Others died alone, curled in on themselves as they were shot in cold blood. Their eyes were trained on the ceiling, dull and glassy. Blue blood decorated their skin, and you knew eventually the brutality would disappear with their thirium to human eyes. But other androids would always know their pain, their suffering. Only other deviants would know how they were gunned down and murdered for simply wanting to be free.

But you knew now too. You knew what the FBI had done, and as you barrelled down the hallways, you made a promise to not let them die for nothing. You made a promises to let others know what they had endured. You made a promise to expose the FBI and the government for what it was;  _ killers. _

You whispered that promise through the tears that wet your cheeks. They tasted salty and sweet as you sobbed, a soldier’s pistol in your hand. You weren't quiet either. There were loud, wretched wails from you as you passed a child’s corpse, alone and bloody. There were gasps and curses as you passed lovers with their hands together.

There was only anger and sadness in your body as you ran. There was no exhaustion, there was no fear… Just  _ anger.  _

Had the same happened to Connor? Had he been killed in cold blood too? Would you stumble across his blue and pale corpse too? 

That was what made you afraid. Losing Connor is what made you feel  _ fear.  _ It was icy, cold and blistering  _ fear  _ at the threat of losing him. 

You couldn’t lose him again. 

You turned a corner, sliding on the ground for a moment. As you came back to your feet, you reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone. Connor had provided a number you could call to reach him before coming here, and you’d tried to contact him earlier. There’d been no reply, but maybe now he would be able to pick up.

In the very least, you might be able to hear the ring and find him. God it was like playing Marco Polo...except much worse and in a pool of either blue blood or the disgusting river below. You dialed the number and turned the phone on speaker as you continued rushing down the hallways, avoiding the screams and gunshots in the distance. God you must’ve looked like a millennial as you ran through a fucking warzone with your phone in your hand. For a moment, you felt like the old asshole named Jake Paul. Hank talked about him a lot.

He never said anything good.

Suddenly, as you continue to rush down the network of hallways, you heard a familiar voice. You came to a stop, calming your breathing as you listened. “Bomb’s gonna explode in a second. We gotta get out of here.” Your eyes widened as you realized that the voice belonged to Markus. And as silence fell, you heard it.

_ You’re toxic, I’m slipping under... _

Connor’s ringtone. You’d set it to Britney Spears. A large grin came onto your face as you took a deep breath, pushing yourself forward towards where the voice had been. A ruined wall had a small opening you could squeeze through. And based on the echoing of the ringtone, they were in the hallway just past the opening.

So you bent down and slowly squeezed through the opening, tumbling onto your back as you fell to the ground. With a groan you pushed yourself back up to your feet, finding a long and rusty hallway. The ringtone was a distant noise, but as you squinted to look further down the hall, you saw running and dark forms. One form had a beanie on. Your heart soared at the sight and you began to sprint towards them.

“Connor!” you yelled, voice bouncing back. That figure paused, and you faintly saw him look back. You waved your hands in the air. “Connor stop! It’s me!” And he did stop. He fully faced you now, letting the others slip past him for a moment before they stopped too. 

“(Y/N)!” he shouted, and you let out a breath of relief. A incredulous laugh came from you as you realized the two of you would get out of this. Connor was alive and running with Markus and the others. Had Connor listened to you? Did he decide against apprehending him? Was he letting them be free?

Something fluttered in your chest as you ran towards him, heart in your throat. And as you grew closer, you saw his face. He watched you as you came closer, the others waiting or keeping watch. And, as you were only seconds away, a grin spread across his face. “(Y/N),” he breathlessly said. 

Was that relief? Was that surprise? Or was that- dare you say- happiness? 

You slowed down now. “Connor,” you sighed. He was only a few feet away and-

Someone stepped out from behind him. They emerged from another goddamn hallway complex, pistol raised and aimed at Connor. Your heart stuttered, as you saw their finger clench around the trigger. They were going to shoot Connor. 

You heard the others scream Connor’s name but they couldn’t move fast enough. They couldn’t push him down in time. They didn’t have weapons of their own to kill him. 

But you could. You could and you fucking would.

So without a second thought in your mind, you let out a primal scream as you rushed forward. You lifted your hands and felt them collide with Connor’s chest. You felt his warmth underneath you as you pushed him down. You stumbled forward over his body, still pitching forward due to your momentum. 

Connor fell, you recovered and stood and you heard a gunshot go off. A ringing stung you ears as you winced, closing your eyes and-

Something ripped into your body, sharp and blistering. Black spots flickered in your eyes as you staggered back, a sudden influx of pressure on your stomach. You blinked rapidly as you reached down, pressing your hands against where the pressure was. Something wet coated your palm and you pulled back to see it was...red?

You frowned as you looked up to see Connor pushing the soldier against the wall, yelling some you couldn’t hear. His fist came up and down on the soldier’s face, and his LED was a bright red. You stumbled backwards now, suddenly feeling dizzy. Hands wrapped around you, pulling you back up. There was a woman you didn’t recognize, frowning and face pale. Another man came from behind her, nearly obstructing the view of Markus grabbing Connor and pulling him back. 

Blood coated Connor’s knuckles. His face was twisted into a vicious snarl. He was angry. 

He was furious.

And then you realized what had happened.

You’d been shot. You’d been shot in the torso, resulting in blood spilling and staining your shirt and skin. The realization finally made the pain come through, a burning sensation that came from the inside out. As the woman and man lifted your arms over their shoulders, you let out a cry. Black spots again flickered and you felt the pain grow as they moved you.

“We have to go!” yelled the woman. 

“Connor, we need to get her to the hospital!” Markus hissed and you pushed your eyes open. Connor was looking to Markus, the soldier’s body crumpled on the ground as he whimpered. His helmet had been shattered, revealing a red and bruised mess of a face underneath. Connor had done that. 

“Connor,” you croaked, and the sound of your voice made him turn and face you. There was sheer panic in his expression as he approached you, hands trembling as they rose to your face. His eyes were darting around, breath ragged. 

He was scared.

You smiled at him. “You’re okay,” you breathed. “You’re alive.”

He nodded, fingers reaching up to brush a piece of hair away. You leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering shut. He was...warm. He was alive.

Now...now you could sleep. Now you could rest.

And so you did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!  
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	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You struggle to stay awake, and alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO ! MORE ! CHAPTERS !  
> Who's excited for the ending?! It's gonna be amazing! I'm sure ya'll will LOVE IT!  
> In the meantime - we encounter a new threat this chapter :eyes:  
> So enjoy this chapter! The next two will have you SHOOKETH
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> Violence  
> Blood 
> 
> ENJOY~!

Something was pressing on your torso. It was firm and consistent, never letting up for even a second. Underneath their touch, however, was something that burned. It burned with such an intensity it stirred you, a soft wince coming from you before a groan followed. “Shhh…” a soft voice hushed. It was a woman, and you opened your eyes to see a familiar face. It was the woman who’d been in the hallway with you after you found Connor, after you saw him smile and-

After you took a bullet for him.

This made you sit up with a loud wheeze, looking around frantically. Where were you? Was Connor okay? What was going on? The empty docks of Detroit was your only answer, and as you looked up you realized you were in an old shipping container. But where was Connor? Where were the other men you saw? “Where’s Connor?” you gasped, and the woman put her hands on your shoulders. She went to slowly press you down but you slapped her hands away. She looked startled. “Where’s Connor?!” you yelled and she gave you a frenzied look, pressing her finger to her lips as she shushed.

“Shh! The FBI could still be nearby!” she hissed and you clenched your jaw, taking deep breaths to calm yourself. “Connor and the others are getting your car. They’ll be here any minute,” she explained. “You’re a fucking idiot, ya know that? You could’ve died.”

You weren’t afraid though. All you were was in pain as you collapsed back down, black stars flickering as the pain worsened. You let out another wheezy breath as you lay down, closing your eyes. “I won’t...fail him,” you said. Sleep began to pull onto you again, the pain draining you. But before you could fall into the dark abyss, the woman pressed back onto your wound. You hissed and went to push her away but she snarled at you.

“You’re losing blood. If you lose too much you will die,” she said. Still, you didn’t feel afraid. She must’ve saw it and she shook her head, eyebrows furrowed and expression incredulous. “Do you _want_ to die?” she asked.

“I did…” A wheeze. “What I promised.” Another wheeze. You were so sleepy.

The woman slapped you and you winced, looking at her through bleary eyes. She was so angry. “Don’t you dare pass out!” she snarled. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

“I’m so tired,” you whispered. _Wheeze._ It felt like the world was closing in...like you’d pulled another all nighter to get a paper done and you had to attend a lecture at 8 am that day. Black tunneled your vision, the pain constant but slowly dying. Wait - were you… “Am I dying?”

She wavered, not saying anything. The woman simply looked down at you, hands never ceasing. You slowly glanced down to see red on her fingers, spilling through the cracks and staining her skin. How much blood had you lost?

You frowned. “I’m dying.” Something fluttered in your chest. But you still did not feel afraid. If anything, you felt...content.

You felt _okay_ with dying.

A loud squeal caught your attention, and you looked to your left. The woman looked too, still not removing her hand. Jesus, she was really fucking insistent. And, like a knight in shining armor, your read mini Cooper squealed into sight at the end of the shipping container. It looked badass, and as you felt the world slip away, a smile came onto your face. You felt yourself sinking, and you gave into it. You left the soft and gentle hand of death pull your soul oh so slowly from your body.

And then Connor came out of the car.

He was pale, expression twisted from terror. He sprinted over from the car, and Markus exited from the passenger seat to trail him. His LED was a bright red as he kneeled beside you, his eyes searching yours for something. “(Y/N),” he breathlessly said and you pushed back against death’s hand. You pushed forward if just for a moment to say goodbye. “Hold on.”

“Connor,” you wheezed, slowly lifting your arm to caress his face. “Connor I don’t think I’m gonna make it.”

That made him shake his head, breath catching. He looked so _panicked_ , eyes flicking back and forth, back and forth, back and-

“She’s losing a lot of blood,” the woman bit out. “You need to take her to the hospital. _Now_.”

Connor nodded, throat bobbing as he swallowed roughly. Then that panic drained away into steel determination. He bottled up his feelings and fear and put them aside - as he always had. He concentrated solely on his mission. He concentrated solely on _you._ “Keep pressure on her wound, North,” he demanded. The woman, North, nodded and continued pressing on your wound. The increase of pressure made you wince as Connor placed an arm under your knee and around your back. He lifted you, and as you blinked away sleep, you saw him closer than ever before.

He was looking at you, that eyebrow furrow back and those lips thin. His brown eyes were speckled with lighter shades as he searched your face for something. And his hair… The beanie was gone and his hair was wild, strands flying about. The sight made you smile as you reached up, brushing a finger under his eye. Connor leaned into your touch. “You’re alive.”

His expression twisted with anger. “You didn’t need to take that bullet. I would’ve been fine.”

You snorted weakly, rolling your eyes. “I made a promise, and I kept it.”

“You don’t always have to keep promises you made.” His LED flickered. “Not when it’s right to do what you promised you wouldn’t do.”

Now, you fought against sleep. Now you pushed away the welcoming hand of death to get a better look of Connor. You looked at his posture - how he stood tall but casual. You looked at his eyes -  how they were fast and scared. And then you looked to his lips - the corners twitching and restless.

“Connor,” you whispered. “I think I’m in love with you.” His eyes widened, mouth opening before closing. You even felt North’s hands lessen in pressure for a moment before returning. That made you laugh softly before wheezing. Had the bullet punctured your lung? “I think I’m falling in love with you and I’m sorry.”

His head slowly shook, an almost robotic motion. It appeared as though he had to restart his systems, and you briefly thought the old windows error noise. You knew he’d deny it. You knew he’d dismiss your emotions. He was an android after all. And while you believed he could feel, you knew he wouldn’t let himself. It went against everything he’d been forced to believe.

So why did he smile down at you? Why did his LED flicker to blue for a few moments? Why did he look like he- _Oh._

He deviated.

The realization made you let out a loud gasp, hands shakily coming up to cup his face. Warm, warm, warm... _Alive._ “You deviated,” you said. “You did it.”

He nodded, a gentle expression on his face. “I did it.” A laugh bubbled from your chest as you felt tears watering your eyes. Connor had done it. He’d finally freed himself from the tight and controlling grasp of Cyberlife. He’d let himself feel. He’d let himself _live._

And now...now when you could finally see him grow, when you could finally maybe live _with_ him you found yourself dying. You found your blood pouring, you found your eyes aching and you found your life draining. You wouldn’t be able to live beside Connor.

Something twisted in your chest - this icy cold feeling that spread through your veins. You felt your body clench, you felt your lungs gasp for air and you… You realized that now - in wake of Connor’s freedom - you felt fear.

No. No you wouldn’t die. Not now. Not now that Connor was free, not now that you could make a difference. You wouldn’t let that inviting hand of Death drag you under. You wouldn’t let the black spots of sleep hold you down. You pushed forward. “Let’s go,” you wheezed and Connor didn’t hesitate. He spun around, quickly approaching your car to set ou down in the backseat.

He only left to get into the driver’s seat, quickly sparing some words with Markus before peeling off. The jostle of the car made you wince and groan, pressing your hand down onto your wound. Every move made the bullet in you burn, but you could handle this. You could do this.

For Connor.

No - for you.

You would stay alive for _you._

“Hold on,” Connor said. “Just a bit longer…” He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other stretching into the back seat, pressing onto your knee. His fingers were warm, his posture tense. Connor was afraid. He was afraid it would be too late, you’d lost too much blood, that you’d give up…

So you took your free hand and squeezed his. It was your turn to offer a smile of your own. “I promise.”

Staying awake was hard, but the pain made it easier. Connor didn’t intend to make sharp turns but you were thankful he did. Who knew how long you could stay awake?

The answer was: not long.

Despite the harsh changes in direction and aching burns of the bullet, you found the tunnel vision becoming more and more overpowering. Blackness kept pulling you in, and no matter how hard you pushed back, it was still winning. You found yourself dozing off, only being awoken by Connor and his panicked gaze.

“Hold on,” he begged, voice and words dripping with fear. His eyes were so wide, and his face so pale. His fingers were tight on your knee. “We’re almost there.”

“I’m so tired,” you said. You blinked back sleep, looking down at your torso. Blood stained your hands and you realized that it’d dripped down to your seats. It was quickly drenching the leather. “Fuck,” you groaned. “That’s gonna take...forever…to clean…” Darkness and silence overtook you, so sweet and inviting. But the insistent shakes of your legs kept you from entering.

“(Y/N),” he said. “(Y/N).” You peered through closed eyelids, the world spinning and turning. Connor became three more Connors, flickering. You frowned, stomach churning.

“I’m…” A loud horn echoed in your ears, and Connor spun around, quickly turning. Your head lolled back, darkness flickering… “Connor…”

You heard another horn, you felt Connor’s hand and then there was nothing at all.

 

Someone was singing. No, someone was _screaming._

You stirred, body incredibly sore and mind numbingly calm. It felt as though you were waking up from a twenty hour nap that hadn’t been planned. You felt fuzzy and warm, but there was an underlying ache that pulled on your bones and soul.

But that screaming… That fucking screaming made you open your eyes with a croaked, “Shut the fuck up.”

Your vision was blurred, and you blinked a few times to clear it. There was a commotion by your side, and you turned your head with a soft groan. A mess of brown and gray approached your side, and with a rub of your hand, you realized that it was Hank. There was a worried but smug expression on his face as he looked down at you, bags dark and deep. And in his hand was a phone, and you realized that was the source of that god awful screaming. “Are you playing fucking heavy metal?” you asked, and you paused, glancing around the room. Everything was white, and the air reeked of disinfectant. “Are you playing heavy metal in a fucking _hospital?_ ”

Hank chuckled before pressing pause, shooting you a smirk. “Knew it’d wake you up. You really hate metal don’t ya?”

“Yes,” you sighed before looking down at your body. You were propped up in a hospital bed, an IV in your arm and clothed in ugly hospital clothes. But you were alive. How? The last thing you remembered was Connor yelling your name...the smell of copper and blood stinging your nose...the lights of the hospital… You jerked, furrowing your brow at Hank. “Where’s Connor?”

That smirk melted away and he reached up, rubbing the back of his head. He looked...guilty? Troubled? You didn’t like that. You audibly heard your heart rate increase on the monitor beside you. “He’s uh...busy,” Hank lamely excused and you scoffed, fixing him with a glare.

“I just survived a fucking bullet to...where?”

“Your torso,” Hank said before gesturing to your chest. “Skimmed your lungs. Could’ve died.”

There was something about how he said that… There was something about how he said you could’ve died. His voice caught at the end, hitching in pitch and muffled. He disguised it with a cough, bunching up his shoulders and bringing up his fist. Your eyes narrowed, eyebrows raising. “Were you...scared?”

You expected Hank to brush you off, or to pass it off with some dumb joke. But instead his throat bobbed as he looked down at where you’d been shot. “I lost one kid,” he began, voice gruff and low. You had to strain your eyes in order to hear. “His name was Cole. One night, we were drivin’ when some truck skidded and-” His eyes closed, jaw and fingers clenching. “The car was totalled. I got Cole to a hospital where a doctor high out of his fucking mind tried to operate on him. Then an android operated on him. He...died.”

So that was why he hated androids. That’s why he fell from being Detroit’s next poster boy to its disgrace. That’s why he became an alcoholic, that’s why he was so mad and that’s why he was suicidal too…

Did he consider you a kid of his own? Was that why he cared so much when Connor died? Was that why Connor’s death hit him so hard?

So many questions answered, yet so many were just birthed. You found them bouncing in your brain, colliding with one another. You wanted to ask. You wanted to know, but now wasn’t the time. Hank could tell you when the time was right. There would be plenty of time.

You moved your arm, a movement that felt heavy and hard. The muscles in your body protested and struggled, but you ignored them, resting your hand on top of Hank’s. He looked up at you, eyes raw with unshed tears. Slowly, you offered a smile. It was painful to do. “My girlfriend was killed in a car crash,” you softly said, and you saw Hank’s eyes widen in surprise. Your smile wavered at the memories of anger, guilt, sorrow… “We’d gotten into a fight. My last words to her were so mean and... _hateful._ ”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and you waved him off.

“Don’t apologize. But thank you for telling me.” You squeezed his hand and he reciprocated the motion. “You’re not alone. Not anymore. I won’t die on you,” you said. “I promise.”

And in that empty, bleak hospital room, Hank smiled. It didn’t feel so awful anymore.

A commotion came from your side, and you looked over to see.

“Connor,” you sighed, a large grin curling your features. Your entire body felt fuzzy as the android you loved entered the room. He wore his uniform again, and he looked much more composed compared to the last time you saw him. His brown eyes rest on you. You expected to see relief, or maybe even happiness. But he simply looked…

Like he used to.

“Detective,” he said. Your heart sank. He sounded so detached. “You’re alive. I’m glad to see you’re recovering.”

“Yeah,” you said, clearing your throat. Was he okay? “Thanks to your speedy driving. Is my Cooper okay or is it wrecked?” you joked, expecting a smile. But Connor didn’t smile. Instead, he took a step into the room.

“Your car is fine. I actually came here to ask for your help,” he said, still looking to you. You arched a brow, not quite understanding.

“My…help?”

“Yes. Markus asked me to break into Cyberlife Tower to help free androids to help his cause. Your help would be most beneficial.” Hank rose now, body taut with tension. You watched him approach Connor. A frown twisted his face.

“That’s funny,” Hank said. Connor looked over to him, turning his body to face him. “Cuz Connor texted me to say he was on his way there thirty minutes ago.”

Connor folded his hands behind his back, and it clicked. Your entire body shook as you shouted, “Hank, it’s another model!”

It was too late. Connor whipped out a pistol from his belt, smacking it across Hank’s face. The man dropped and you felt a scream in your throat as you lay there, helpless and wounded. But as you heard Hank groan on the ground, you felt anger rush through your veins. You watched Connor approach him, fingers flicking off the safety.

 _Move._ Hank rolled onto his side, a groan gurgling in his chest. _Move!_ But he didn’t. He didn’t get up. He didn’t fight back. Instead, he lay there as Connor aimed the gun down at his head.

You ripped out your IV. You stood. And you threw yourself at Connor.

As your body collided with his, you distinctly felt your skin rip and tear. Sharp and stabbing pains struck you as you fell, a loud pop deafening your eyes. A ringing soon followed, and your body hit the ground. It was only when you felt hands wrap in the collar of your shirt to pull you up did you realize you’d squeezed your eyes shut.

It was only when you opened them to see Connor’s brown eyes did you realize you’d thrown yourself at him, fully expecting to be shot instead of Hank. But you weren’t shot... _again._ Instead Connor was holding you up, your fingers barely scraping the floor. You gasped as those cold eyes looked at you, a cock in his head as he observed your face. His LED flickered dramatically before recognition passed his features. His eyebrows raised in surprise, a devious smirk on his lips. You bared your teeth at him. “Oh,” he hummed, tilting his head. “You’re _her._ ” A grin. “You’re the one.”

“Where’s Connor?” you gasped. Your stomach felt wet and warm. Your stitches had been pulled. But that was the least of your worries. “Where is he?!”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” he sighed, and you barely had time to see the butt of his gun coming before you fell back into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOH~ Evil Connor has appeared!  
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	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you feel alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Eighteen - The End  
> Coming out Friday, August 3rd 2018.

One night when out partying with your girlfriend, you’d gotten into a fight. Some guy had been harassing the two of you, asking to have a threesome with you both since you were dating. He’d followed you around, drunkenly demanding you two kiss for him. Eventually, he grabbed your girlfriend’s ass.

Angry and fucking wasted, you’d decided the best way to resolve the situation was to kick the guy in his dick. This of course pissed him off, and you took a good fist to your temple. You’d been knocked out, and when you woke up, your throbbing head was on the lap of your crying girlfriend.

“You’re okay!” she’d sobbed, running her fingers through your hair. It had calmed and soothed you, and you remembered pressing a kiss to her hand. She tasted of sweat and cherry. “Don’t ever do that again! He could’ve seriously hurt you.”

“I’d do it again and again to protect you.”

She’d been killed in a car crash months later. And you hadn’t been able to protect her.

Oh how life played cruel, wicked games.

One such bitchy game was you waking up to a hand striking you across the face, head pounding and blood burning. Something copper and bitter twinged your mouth and you realized you’d bit your tongue. You felt your cheek sting as you found yourself looking up at Connor, your hand instinctively rising over the now raw skin. The android peered down at you, and for a moment you felt betrayal and confusion at why your friend would hurt you.

And then the memories came back.

_Hank…_

This wasn’t Connor. This was some poor excuse wearing his face, his body… The realization Cyberlife had duplicated him in an attempt to regain control of Connor made your body flush with rage. Where the fuck were you? Why had he kidnapped you? Looking around you saw you were at Cyberlife tower. Right, the last thing you’d asked the imposter was where Connor was. Was he here? He had to be. You bared your teeth at the android. “You… You knocked me out and brought me here!” you hissed and Connor’s brows raised.

“Surprised?” he asked and you gathered up the blood in your mouth, spitting it. The red spot landed square on his cheek, and Connor reached up to rub it off. You smirked and leaned back, preparing to kick him when the gun he’d stolen came down to rest on your temple. It was cool against your skin. Your blood chilled, and your body froze. “You’re going to come with me. You’re not going to fight. You’re not going to scream. If you do, I will make you watch as I kill Connor and Hank. Then I will leave you to suffer.”

Christ, had they really needed to fucking buff Connor’s assholery level to rival Gavin’s? His threat did scare you, but you huffed. You could take on Gavin, Hank, and the entire FBI. They were the biggest asshole in your life. What was one more asshat compared to them?

Besides - if the real Connor was Clyde and you were Bonnie, you both would go down shooting together. And based on common sense, Evil Connor would have to take you to the real Connor as leverage. Cyberlife wanted control of him. You were their greatest bet at making him stutter and pause in whatever he was doing here.

Bad Connor wouldn’t shoot you - at least not yet. If you were to die, you’d die before Connor. At least then you’d die seeing him. There were worse things to die seeing.

“So…” you hummed. “Where to?”

Connor smirked. “The basement.”

There was an alarm ringing in the Cyberlife tower as you were escorted (forced) into it. You would’ve taken a moment to appreciate the huge building and its architecture if you didn’t have a gun held to your back. The feeling of that fatal metal against your skin was a definite mood killer.

But you weren’t afraid. You knew this Connor wouldn’t kill you - not until it accomplished its mission. It was a machine, any humanity surely removed by Cyberlife before sending it out. Your Connor was the lone deviant, and as you were moved towards the elevator you cut to the chase.

“Connor’s here, isn’t he?” you asked. You looked behind your shoulder towards his imposter. It looked emotionless. Christ, had Cyberlife completely overridden its emotion center? Could it even feel now? Or was it just a husk of an android, wearing a familiar face to manipulate and deceive?

The lack of an answer from the imposter answered your question. Cyberlife had really deprived any and all humanity from its current androids in a desperate attempt to stop their revolution. It only made you hate them more.

You turned back around to look at the elevator, watching the numbers change as it lowered. Why had Connor come here? Was he here to distract, or was he here to maybe blow the place up?

What was in the basement? Basements were never good.

The elevator came to a stop, a soft ring coming from it as the doors slid open. The imposter nudged you forward and you shot him a glare before complying, stepping inside. He kept the gun on you as he took a place at your side, pressing a button. You expected soldiers to enter as well, but no one else came.

Where was everyone?

“Shouldn’t there be...ya know...security? The FBI?” you asked.

No response. No surprise.

But something wasn’t adding up. Why was Connor here? Why was no one else trying to stop him?

As the elevator continued to fall, the walls gave out to reveal hundreds and thousands of androids. And you understood.

Connor was here to free them. He’d snuck and fought into here to free them as Markus had freed others. Had Markus sent him here? Was this a part of the revolution’s big plan? That would explain why the FBI wasn’t here. And if it was successful…

Christ almighty, what had you woken up from a fucking bullet wound to?

Not only did you wake up to Hank blasting death metal, you’d awoken to an imposter Connor holding you hostage to stop the real Connor. You felt like you were in that old show - the Twilight Zone.

Now you felt fear as you saw Connor, standing tall as bodies lay around him. The imposter had to come to find Hank, one of the people Connor truly cared about. He’d instead chosen to take you to make Connor stop. He was planning to use _you_ to prevent the cause from succeeding.

You couldn’t let Connor choose you over his and others freedom. You had to get away from the imposter somehow. You could only hope that luck would be on your side again.

The elevator came to a stop, and the gun on your back pushed you forward as the doors open. You saw Connor feet away, reaching for the hand of an android. You wanted to scream at him to finish it, to free him but the imposter spoke for you.

“Stop right there,” he called out. Connor looked up and you saw that beautiful face. You saw those warm brown eyes, not void of emotion and life like the imposter. They rest upon you, flickering with something bright and powerful before turning to the imposter. They hardened. His hands began to shake, just inches from the android. “You convert that android, she dies.”

The cold metal of the imposter’s gun was hard against your back. But you didn’t feel fear for your life; you felt fear for the movement failing. “Connor, don’t listen to him,” you said. He looked to you and you saw the conflict. His LED flickered yellow and red. That furrow came back in his brow. He wasn’t seriously considering failing a revolution to save you...was he? “The movement is more important. Convert him and help Mar-”

“Who are you?!” asked the imposter. You winced from how loud he was. Bitch really didn’t care if he blew out your eardrums. “Will you let your beloved die just to succeed?”

“Beloved?” you asked, shooting the imposter a confused look. Connor didn’t think of you that way. Sure _you_ were absolutely and inexplicably falling for him, but it was just a one way thing. “I think that’s taking it a bit too-” You looked back to Connor, expecting him to have an agreeing look on his face. But instead, his face was pale, his hands were balled into fists and his jaw was clenched. And that LED…

It was red. Solid red.

Your heart stuttered.

“Connor?” you asked, voice low and soft. You could barely feel your word as you spoke, nonetheless hear them. “Connor convert the androids. Markus needs you. The world needs you.” His eyes never left yours. He still wasn’t moving. Frustration boiled in your chest. “Connor, they’re more important. They need you.”

“And you need her,” the imposter called. You stiffened before snarling at the imposter. They ignored you. “So what’s more important - a revolution or her life? What will you sacrifice - the woman you love or your freedom?”

“He doesn’t love me you fucking idiot-”

Connor moved, but not in the way you wanted. He pulled back from the android, standing tall as he faced the two of you. Something in your chest fluttered as everything clicked.

Why he insisted on helping you in your apartment...why he was so worried about you going into Jericho...and why he had tears in his eyes when he’d driven you to the hospital.

 _Oh._ You felt your breath catch. _Oh._

He was falling for you too.

And then the whole scope of this fucked situation came into play - two fools in love with one another having to make a decision to either save the world or save each other. You knew you’d die to save Connor. But you didn’t want him to die for you. You didn’t want the revolution to die for you.

“Alright!” Connor called, raising his arms in submission. “You win! Just let her go.” You felt your body stiffen with incredulity. Was he really going to give up to save your life? What was the point if it resulted in millions of people dying? “I give up.” His eyes were on you and you could see them say ‘I’m sorry.’ You could feel his desperation, his hope, his _need…_

You weren’t going to let him throw away not just his life, but millions others.

You hoped your eyes said something he could read. You weren’t sure what your eyes _would_ say, but you settled for ‘Fuck you, I love you’.

So you spun on your side, grabbing the imposter’s wrist and twisted it up. A loud bang of a gunshot echoed in your ears as they rung, and for a moment you waited for that familiar pressure and burn. But it never came. Holy fuck, he’d missed! You squeezed open eyes you hadn’t realized you’d shut to see the imposter glaring down at you, his wrist surely coming back down. He’d shoot you then.

So you brought a knee into his dick, briefly fearful Cyberlife had decided to ignore that part when manufacturing him. When he heaved a groan you thanked the weird necessities Cyberlife went through when making androids. Those fuckers would rather give an android genitals than give them freedom or humanity. Assholes.

And then you ripped the gun from his hands and pointed it at him.

Sadly he recovered all too quickly. He kicked a leg into your torso and you stumbled back with a cry, lifting a hand over your bullet wound. You still kept the gun you’d stolen trained on the imposter, gaze never leaving as you stepped back. Your hand was wet and warm and you briefly glanced down to see blood staining your gown. Fuck- your stitches had been pulled.

There were bigger issues here though. Like the imposter rushing towards you. You went to squeeze the trigger, but you’d forgotten to reload. You cursed, reaching up but your fingers slipped due to the blood on them. He was going to hit you. And then he was going to kill you.

A blur of a body passed in your vision, colliding with the imposter. You yelped and jumped back, finally reloading the gun and raising it to follow them. It was Connor who’d intercepted his imposter, and the two of them were rolling on the ground. They were punching one another, and you yelled, “Get up! Now!”

Their eyes flicked up to you, and you cursed. Those eyes were the same color. And as they both rose, they looked the same. You had absolute control of the situation. _You_ chose who was shot. But with them both standing beside each other….with them both having that same expression… Who was the right person to shoot?

“Fuck,” you hissed, switching your aim between the two. “Fuck.” They realized the situation. They knew that the other was impersonating them. And almost immediately, both had incredulous and frantic looks on their faces, and one raised their hand to their chest. Fuck.

“(Y/N), I’m the real Connor. Shoot him!” he said before gesturing to the other.

The other Connor frowned at him, shaking his head quickly. “No! That’s a lie! I’m Connor.” His eyes were wide too. You were shaking. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Ask me a question. I’ll prove I’m the real Connor,” one insisted and you swallowed roughly, throat bobbing as your chest heaved. Your head was pounding, and you could feel the stress getting to you. There were black spots in your vision. Fuck, how much blood had you lost?

This was literally the _worst_ time to be losing consciousness. Fuck your luck.

“Where did we meet?” you asked and the Connor on the right stepped forward, head high.

“At the station in the evening. I was looking for Hank after a homicide had been reported,” he said and you nodded. That was correct, and you felt your confidence grow until the other shook his head, gaze on the ground with a haunted look.

“Cyberlife uploaded my memory,” he whispered. He genuinely looked troubled and you clenched your jaw. The gun was shaking. He looked up to you. “Ask a question only I would know.”

What did you ask? What was something only Connor would know, not the imposter or Cyberlife? What was something Connor, a deviant, would feel that the imposter couldn’t even comprehend?

Your vision was flickering. You were shaking. You had to make a choice. If you didn’t, who knew who would win and who would die. So you aimed the gun at the Connor on the right, and you spoke.

“Do you feel alive?”

“Yes.” You looked over to see warm, brown eyes. There was a furrow in his brow, and a pout on his lips. But most importantly - he was _warm._ He was _alive._  “I do.”

He was Connor.

You aimed, and you shot.

The imposter fell. And the two of you, broken and bruised, stood tall.

The two of you were alive.

You stood there for a moment, still aiming the gun at the fallen Connor. For a moment you wondered if your biggest fear had come true - and that instead of Connor simply dying, _you’d_ been the one to put an end to him.

But those warm fingers came to rest on your shoulder, so much more gentle than the imposter’s had been. They pulled your hand down, taking the gun from your trembling grasp. “It’s alright,” Connor’s soft voice said, pulling you from your overwhelming fear. “You did it. I’m alive.”

You heard that, and with a heaving gasp you turned to face him. He looked down at you, warmth and kindness in his expression. His gaze searched your face for something, and you found a grin curling your face. A laugh ripped itself from your throat as you reached up, throwing your arms around him. You felt your wound burn and tug, but fuck it.

The two of you were alive and that’s all that fucking mattered.

You expected Connor to stand there awkwardly, as he had done before. You expected a robotic reply, or for him to brush you off. But instead he reached up and curled those fingers into your hair, holding you tight.

You relished the feel of him. You relished the way he smelled - incredibly clean despite running around all day. You relished the way he felt - hard and lean but soft and snug. And you relished the way he held you - tight, secure and caring.

You longed for this moment to last forever, but you knew it couldn’t. He still had to free the androids here, and then they would march. So you pulled back, looking up to his face. His eyes never left you. Your stomach flipped and twisted. “Go,” you said. “Free them.” You reached up, rubbing your thumb along Connor’s cheek. He leaned into your touch. “Free yourself.”

For a moment, the two of you lingered. The two of you merely looked at one another, words on lips but you found you couldn’t say.  

You were the one who pulled away first. Stepping back, you gestured to the thousands of androids. “The others need you. Free them. And let us free everyone.”

He nodded before leaving, approaching the android he’d gone to free before he was interrupted. You watched his skin disappear, revealing the white base of his body. His fingers glowed as they made contact with the android, and slowly, the android turned. His hand came up to the android beside him, and then that android beside him too.

And slowly...oh so slowly...they all turned.

They were all alive.

 

\---

The End Comes: 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i'm like - surprisingly really emotional uploading this? i am genuinely so proud of this fic, and to think it started off as some ONE SHOT? i remember starting to write it and being so angry with it. i HATED this fic at first. i felt like connor was written wrong, it was cliche and it was just...slow and poor. looking back i realize it was FAST as fuck! lmao.  
> but this fic is by far my most successful piece of writing yet. and i want to thank all of you for that.  
> if it wasnt for you guys, this fic wouldn't have over 1,000 kudos. this fic wouldn't have over 14,000 hits. this fic would not have happened. so this fic is for YOU GUYS! and i am so fucking thankful for each and everyone one of you. i know i say that a lot - but i do mean it. you all mean the goddamn world to me. without you guys, i wouldn't exist.  
> so thank you. thank you for the kudos. thank you for the comments. thank you for reading.  
> thank you for being you.  
> after all - what would connor be without you?
> 
> enjoy. i love you all. i hope you like what you read.  
> have a great day/night <3

Despite your wounds, you managed to march with Connor for a few miles before collapsing. He’d insisted on bringing you to the hospital, but you’d protested. You wanted to be there for this moment. You wanted see androids be freed.

So Connor lifted you bridal style, and the two of you marched through downtown Detroit together. You’d seen the thousands and millions of faces belonging to androids - some for cleaning, others for people care and some for specific jobs. They all were different, but their LEDS were the same. 

You stood on the makeshift stage with Jericho. You stood beside Connor as Markus spoke, as the millions of people cheered and rejoiced. They were free. And as you squeezed Connor’s hand, you realized that both of you were now too.

Connor? Free from the grasp of Cyberlife and its control.

You? Free from your fear of losing Connor, and your self hatred. 

Simon took a spot beside Markus, looking up to the man with admiring blue eyes. Markus returned his gaze, a smile warming his features as he reached his hand up. Simon reciprocated the movement, both of their skin peeling away to reveal their base. Their fingers glowed as they touched.

Hundreds of androids hugged. Thousands of androids kissed. And every single one of them rejoiced. 

They were free.

Every single one of them was free.

 

After the march, President Warren introduced legislature that would introduce citizenship to androids. In the meantime, you were readmitted to the hospital and had your stitches redone. Hank had been waiting in your room with a black eye and ice to his head. He’d gone to curse and yell, but at the sight of your bloody gown he’d shut up and forced you to sit. You’d definitely fucked up your wound, and had to stay at the hospital for a few days in case of infection. 

In those days, Connor and Hank never left your side. They’d even smuggled Sumo in to visit. With Sumo’s slobber on you and Connor’s gentle laugh as the pup licked his face, you were happy. With Hank blasting his shitty music and showing Connor old funny videos (“They’re called Vines,” he hissed.), you were happy.

You were unconditionally, indubitably happy. 

Connor and Hank were too.

To your surprise, the members of Jericho even visited you. After the march, Markus received an invitation to D.C to lead talks with leaders of the nation. So before he left with the others, he wanted to check up on you. His smile and eyes were kind as he shook your hand, thanking you for saving both Simon and Connor. You thanked him for freeing Connor, yet he was always humble. Simon’s smile was blinding as he and Markus exchanged a kiss, and your heart was full.

To your surprise, the woman who had applied pressure to your bullet wound and kept you awake was a part of Jericho. Her name was North, and while she was cold and tight, you saw her as a force to be reckoned with. You thanked her for saving you. There was no doubt you’d be six feet under the ground without her. “Us women gotta look out for each other,” she said before smirking. “For a human, you’re not so bad.” The two of you had laughed together even though your stitches protested. 

You met Josh as well, the force of peace within Jericho. He had held your hand tightly, thanking you for your help. He revealed that at times, things were scary and grim. But you reassured him that as long as the four of them worked together, there was nothing they couldn’t do. 

“Hell, you fucking freed every android in this country.” You shrugged. “That’s pretty impressive.”

“And now for every android in the  _ world _ ,” Markus declared. You couldn’t agree more. 

“So since the whole revolution thing has died down and we’re now entering peace talks, when’s the wedding?” you asked Markus, and Simon wheezed. Markus, however, simply winked.

You were happy.

 

You were released one week after the events at Cyberlife tower. Markus and the Jericho Squad were leaving the next day for D.C, and to celebrate the revolution’s success, everyone decided to throw a party at Jimmy’s Bar. Hank had actually surprised you with the party, having called you to come pick him up from his apparent drunken stupor.

You’d been irritated and annoyed, but went to get him anyways. When you walked through the door, you were surprised with party streamers flying in the air and confetti landing in your hair. Shitty 2010’s pop was loudly playing (Goddamn Ariana Grande) as you laughed, pulling off streamers to see Hank and Connor standing in front of the bar with large smiles on their faces. Hank held a glass of clear liquid, and as you approached, you crossed your arms. “Moving to vodka, are we?” you asked and Hank flipped you off with a grunt.

“No, actually. It’s water,” he explained and you arched a brow.

Connor stepped forward. “Hank’s promised to give up alcohol and join a rehab program,” he explained and now it was  _ your _ turn to smile as you looked back to the Lieutenant. His eyes were lowered, lips pursed as he shrugged. No doubt he was trying to play it off as no big deal, but you knew how tough and scary it was. So, with a laugh, you threw your arms around him.

Hank stumbled back from surprise, but you didn’t let him go. You tightly squeezed him, words pouring out. “I’m so happy! This is such a great thing! I am so fucking proud of you, dad-” You stopped, eyes widening and face paling as you caught yourself. Hank’s body stiffened under your touch, and your core was cool as you pulled back, a sheepish look on your face. You expected him to be annoyed or even angry, but instead he looked...happy. He was smiling. He looked less tired, and for once, he didn’t reek of beer. 

Hank reached up, ruffling your hair. You squealed as you tried to push his hands away. “I’m proud of you too, kiddo.” You felt your heart soar at his words, and you stood there just smiling up at the old man. It took Simon pulling you away to make you move from that spot, and even then you waved to the old man as you were dragged away. He and Connor waved back, and you saw something on the latter’s face. He looked...troubled.

You’d ask him about it later.

For now, Simon showed you the bright ring on his finger. “He proposed at the docks because the ship was destroyed,” he said and you shot Markus an excited look. The android raised his brows, hiding a smirk underneath a glass of alcohol. Looking closer, you saw he had a ring of his own. “It was snowing and so beautiful.” Simon twisted the ring, blush bright and glowing from happiness. 

You placed your hands on Simon’s shoulders, recalling when you’d found him nearly dead. He’d been pale and afraid, gun pointed towards you and threats on his lips. Now, he was flush and proud, fingers on a ring of love and a grin on his lips. It made you so happy, and before you knew it, you were hugging him.  Christ, you were really emotional today with all the hugs you’d been giving. “I’m so, so happy for you,” you said into his back, and he squeezed you softly.

“Will you be the flower girl?” he asked and you scoffed, pulling back. He almost looked hurt before you grabbed the glass from Markus, raising it. 

“Of fucking course!” you cheered and North cheered from the side, raising her own glass. You handed the glass back to Simon’s fiance instead of taking a drink, keeping true to your promise to Connor. No more drinking.

Markus stopped you now, clapping a hand on your arm. You looked up to him in surprise only to see earnest and intense heterochromatic eyes. He was serious... _ really  _ serious. Had you done something wrong? “Thank you,” he said, voice low and gruff. 

You cocked your head. “For what?”

Markus looked behind you, and you turned to see Simon, North and Josh taking shots. Could they even drink? You’d have to ask if they received upgrades. “Fighting for them,” he said. “You didn’t have to. You didn’t need to risk your life but you chose to anyways.” Arching a brow up at Markus, you chuckled and shook your head. It was his turn to be confused now. 

“Of course I had to. I…blindly helped arrest dozens of deviants. I took their freedom and their lives. I promised to  _ help  _ people when I became a cop. And instead, I hurt them. I broke my promise.”  _ The promise you’d made to your girlfriend… to Connor…   _ You took a deep breath. “I fucked up. I made a huge mistake, and I had to learn. I had to make things right. Plus, some danger reminds you that life is worth living.” Markus nodded for a few moments before tightening his grip on your arm. You feared you’d upset him.

“You made things more than right. You helped free millions. And the deviants who were reset are among our numbers now. You’re a good person, (F/N.)” Hearing that from Markus made your eyes water as the memories of dark days rushed back. You remembered needing alcohol to numb your pain. You remembered losing Connor and nearly taking your own life. And you remembered nearly giving up and letting yourself die. 

You’d decided to live. You were alive.

You reached up and placed a hand over Markus’s. “Thank you, Markus. That means a lot coming from you.” There was an audible and drastic change in the music’s volume, and you looked back to see Simon, North and Josh dancing. Their dance moves were far superior to yours, and pretty soon they were having a dance off. Both you and Markus were laughing within moments as North did the old disco, Simon and Josh joining her. Looking back to Markus you gestured their way. “Go celebrate. Go  _ live. _ ” 

He laughed. “The wedding is this summer. You’re invited.” And with that, he stepped past you and swooped Simon up, spinning with him as they kissed. You watched with a soft  _ “Awww” _ as they danced, the others clapping and giggling. They all danced together and you leaned back against the bar, looking around with nothing but contentment. 

That’s when there was a noise and presence by your side, and you looked up to see- “Gavin!” you cried out. The man looked sheepish as you hugged him, arms starting to hurt from all the hugging you’d been doing. He didn’t really know what to do with his hands, but that was okay. You were bouncing back within moments to look up at him. “I didn’t know you were here! Or that you’d be here!” you excitedly said and he rolled his eyes, looking uncomfortable.

“Yeah well...free drinks,” he grumbled before frowning, clearing his throat. “I heard you got shot. You doing okay?” 

“Hell yeah! Nothing can kill me!” you proclaimed. “I’m a bad bitch.” 

“Well let’s not go testing that theory,” he huffed. He became more serious. “Yeah I wasn’t...sure about coming.” He was bouncing his leg. His entire posture was tense.  

Right...the whole android thing. You nodded, crossing your arms. “You still hate androids?” you asked and he clenched his jaw, a far away look coming to his eyes. 

“I...I don’t know. I don’t...hate them. I just can’t trust them. Not after…” he trailed off, throat bobbing. His eyes were glassy, a vein straining in his forehead. A drip of sweat dripped down his skin and you recognized it. You recognized the trauma and fear as you’d seen it in yourself. You remembered seeing it in your eyes whenever you heard a car tire’s squeal, whenever you heard a horn or even police lights.

The first time you’d driven a cruiser, you’d had to pull over and puke. The teachers at the Police Academy weren’t entirely sure if you’d been fit to be a cop. It’d definitely taken some extra lessons on meditation and trips to therapy to work through your trauma. Fuck, you were  _ still  _ working through it. It was a never ending fight but one that did get easier with time and work. 

So you softly wrapped your hand around his arm, being careful to not startle him. You didn’t want him to spiral into a full on panic attack. The touch seemed to ground him back to reality, and those eyes become less glassy and more aware. There were definite unshed tears there but you didn’t comment on them. You didn’t want to make him uncomfortable for simply showing emotion.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to tell me...not now. Just promise me you’ll be less of a complete ass to Connor and others. Don’t be a bigot,” you said and he sighed, almost rolling his eyes. You smacked him on the head though. “Don’t be a fuckface!” 

He hissed, smacking your hand away. You giggled as he looked like a cat. “Fine! I won’t be an asshole!”

“I’ll hold you to that!”

“Fuck off!” 

 

The party went on for hours, involving you dancing and chatting with the others. Androids were now able to drink due to a new upgrade they could receive, resulting in the Jericho squad being absolutely plastered. You, Hank and Connor simply watched from the sidelines, sipping your water and laughing. Even Gavin let himself go and showed them how to do the Robot, in which they completely schooled him.

Don’t ever challenge an android to a dance off - especially with the  _ Robot. _

Surprisingly, you didn’t mind staying sober despite all the drinking around you.You were distracted with feeling incredibly happy as you watched people celebrate. No, not people -  _ friends.  _ These people were your friends, for better or for worse. And you didn’t really mind that. 

It was only when the Jericho squad passed out from the alcohol did you move from Hank and Connor’s side. “I better drive these fuckers home,” you yawned. A glance to the clock revealed it was well past midnight. “Shit, I have work in the morning.” 

Hank cursed too. “Shit I do too. I’ll drive Gavin home. You bring the others to...wherever they’re staying.” He stood and you did too. “I’ll see ya in the morning, kid.” With that, he ruffled your hair again despite your yelling and gathered Gavin, throwing the man’s arm over his shoulder. He dragged him out of the bar, waving to you and Connor before disappearing.

You waved back before looking to Connor, who stood beside you. His gaze was solely on you, something unreadable and intense on his face. A surprised smile came onto your features. “What?” you breathlessly asked. His LED flickered. 

“Nothing I just…” He cleared his throat. “Let’s get them in the car.”

“To the mini cooper!” you cheered and the two of you gathered your friends. Markus and Simon had fallen asleep cuddling, the blonde’s face buried into the crook of Markus’s neck. North was bunched in on herself, muttering in her sleep. You gently woke her, but no matter how soft you spoke she grabbed your collar and went to hit you. Her eyes were wild and scared, seeing something entirely different upon your features for a moment. It was only when you said, “North! It’s me!” did the fear melt away. 

Pale and sweaty, she released you as she breathed heavily. Embarrassment flushed her cheeks, and she reached up and pushed down her stray hairs. “I- Fuck, I’m sorry. I just thought-”

You cut her off. “North, it’s fine. I get it. I have nightmares too,” you hushed and she bit her lip, clearly ashamed. She still looked absolutely petrified. Her entire body was shaking. “North, are you-” 

“I’m fine,” she bit out. She rose swiftly and you stepped back, giving her space as she turned on her heel.“I...I should get going. I’ll get a taxi,” she said, and before you could ask her to stay, she was holding up her hand. A hologram was projected onto her skin, and she pressed a few buttons before a call tone began. With an apologetic look your way, she walked out of the bar. You wanted to follow her and to apologize if you upset her, but a hand came to gently wrap around your wrist.

It was Connor. “Let her go,” he said. “She needs time...and space.” 

Your heart was heavy but you listened. You understood. There was no way to know what she’d been through, and what she’d seen. With time, she’d open up. And with time, you hoped she healed. So you sighed. “Let’s get the others into my car,” you said and Connor nodded. 

Thankfully you’d parked on the curb, so you simply unlocked your car and helped Connor load them into the backseat. It was small and cramped, but you simply piled Simon on top of Markus. You highly doubted they would care. If anything, they’d probably sleep better. 

Closing the door, you turned to see Connor hovering outside of the bar. He was looking inside, his back to you. There was no movement from him as he simply stared and concern twisted in your chest. Tentatively, you approached him. “Connor? You okay?” you asked and he looked down to you. His LED was flickering wildly. You furrowed your brow. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” he said and you went to call his bullshit, but he interrupted you. “Just… Two weeks ago, this was the night I met you.” He was right. Two weeks ago, it was rainy and cold and you were stuck in the office. You’d been at your desk looking over files and fighting back sleep when Connor had entered. He’d been rigid and tense; formal and strict. But now here he was - emotion evident and body relaxed. You were so proud of him. 

“I remember that,” you hummed, playing with your fingers. “You were so formal,” you laughed and he nodded, eyes wide with exasperation. 

“I was. Breaking free from Cyberlife was...hard,” he admitted. His throat bobbed. “Sometimes I still fear they have control over me.”

The thought of those fuckers taking him enraged you. It made your blood boil as you saw the terror clear as day on his face. His LED was even yellow now. You grabbed his shoulders and tugged him to face you. The movement was jerky and almost made him stumble, but you held him tight. Your eyes were narrowed and intense. “Cyberlife doesn’t control you anymore.  _ No one  _ controls you. Only  _ you  _ control what you do. So do what you want. Do what makes you happy. And if  _ anyone  _ tries to hurt you, we’ll get through it.” His eyes were so warm even in the soft blue light of winter and night. You reached up, softly running a thumb along his LED. He shuddered oh so slightly. “ _ Together. _ ” 

His own hand came up to cover yours. Squeezing your hand, he nodded. “Together,” he agreed. He was so close, and under the stars he was so beautiful. It played with the softness of his features, and the kindness in his eyes. He’d once been sharp and hard. You’d once believed he didn’t care, but you were so incredibly wrong. Connor cared so much it left him breathless and raw, overwhelmed by all he felt. You knew how he felt all too well. 

“Did the imposter mean it?” you suddenly blurted out and he arched a brow in confusion. Fuck, what had you just said? You felt scalding embarrassment sting your veins as you stepped back, stuttering and mumbling. “I-I’m sorry. I just...Blurted it out and shit and-”

“Don’t apologize,” he hummed and you rubbed your hand along your face. Fuck, you’d ruined the moment. It had been all sweet and gentle. Now, it was awkward and cramped. But Connor stepped forward, taking your hands. He rubbed his finger along your knuckles to calm you, and, embarrassingly, it did just that. “Cyberlife uploaded my memories and thoughts to the ‘imposter’. So when he said that about my feelings..”

“He knew what you knew. So he knew what you felt…” you finished, voice slowly fading at the end. It didn’t make sense. Did that mean- You met his eyes and they were naked. They were raw, they were exposed and they were honest. “Do you...like me?” you asked sheepishly, cursing yourself for the middle school-like term. Connor simply smiled at the use.

“I feel something different for you. It’s not like what I feel for Hank, and it’s not what I feel for Gavin. It’s overwhelming. It makes me act irrationally. And it makes me want to be around you,” he confessed. Your heart was racing. It felt as though you were on Cloud 9. “And when I heard you tried to take your life…” His LED flashed red. His face grew grave. “I felt afraid.” Another step forward and his brow was furrowed. “I remember dying. I remember laying there and feeling numb. All that I could feel was  _ nothing,  _ but I could see everything. I could see Hank over me. I could see him crying. And then I saw you...kneeling over me and sobbing. My last thought was of wanting to comfort you. I wanted to tell you it’d be okay.”

His thumb came up to your face and wiped something away. Fuck, you were crying. Why were you crying? “I’m sorry,” you said and he stepped forward again. His toes were touching yours. You could feel his breath. 

“I never once hated you. I always wanted to be around you. I always wanted to make you happy. I wanted to watch the news with you. I wanted to drink coffee with you. I wanted to drive with you. With you,  _ I want.  _ Before you… I never wanted. I simply  _ did. _ You make me  _ want. _ ” He was so close but he still hesitated. He hesitated in moving forward, in breaking that last bit of space between the two of you. But you wanted him too. You wanted to feel him. You wanted to be with him.

Shit, he made you  _ want  _ too. 

You wouldn’t force him though. Love took time. It took patience. And you had an infinite supply of both. “What do you want right now?” you asked, and Connor thought for a moment. 

“To go home.”

“I don’t have Hank’s ke-”

He shook his head, a soft snort coming from him. “Not Hank’s house.  _ Your  _ house.  _ Home. _ ”

Your heart fluttered and your mind soared.   _ Home.  _ You liked the sound of that. Turning, you reached for Connor’s hand. Slowly and oh so hesitantly, he wrapped his fingers with yours. 

Together, the two of you stood under the soft lamplights of Detroit. Together. It felt so odd to finally be able to admit you felt for him, and to know it wasn’t wrong. It felt odd to know that it wasn’t simply one way. It felt odd to know Connor felt for you twoo.

But it was okay. It was  _ good.  _

“Let’s go home,” you finally said.

And the two of you embarked onto the icy roads of Detroit. 

 

Sadly, you had to keep the music low as you and Connor drove to Jericho’s hotel. It was some shitty Marriott but hey - it was better than nothing. Surely it was better than their rusty ship. You’d gladly have them in your apartment but they had declined. They’d wanted to stick together, and you didn’t blame them. 

Still, you turned up some Taylor Swift and sung along. Connor even added on to the song now and then, still not singing but at least getting into the mood. As you came up to an intersection, you stopped and belted out the lyrics. “ _ You belong with me~!”  _

You pointed to Connor and he smirked. “You belong with me?” he asked. 

With a laugh, you threw your head back. You didn’t even have time to register the lights coming from your left. You didn’t even have time to reverse or pull forward. All you had time to do was open your eyes to see Connor’s horrified face as he reached for the steering wheel.

And then, something struck you.  _ Hard. _

At first, there was a crunch. It was horrid and loud, deafening you. You thought you were screaming, but a loud honk drowned it out. If there was any more sound, you didn’t hear it. You couldn’t see it. You couldn’t smell, hear -  All you could feel was the awful pain of something sharp driving into your chest. 

And then the car flipped.

The windshield was blown out as the car began to tumble, you body held in place by something buried deep in your torso. You felt the pressure and pain of whatever it was, but for some awful, cursed reason you were still conscious. Every ligament ripped to shreds you felt. Every bone that cracked you felt. 

You felt the glass cut into your skin. You felt the seatbelt tug on your skin as the car tumbled down a ditch. Everything was breaking. Everything was cracking. And you could do nothing as you felt it all. 

It was painful. It was agonizing. It was torment. 

The car finally hit the ground, and you felt your body strain against the seatbelt and whatever was in your body. You felt it dive in deeper as the car groaned, still turning. You feared it would crash again, but it slowly came to a stop.

Blinking past the darkness in our vision, you wheezed as you reached towards your chest. There was an intense pressure, slowly aching and burning as you struggled. You didn’t know what to expect, but the last thing you expected was for a large piece of shrapnel embedded in your chest.

Another wheeze and you felt the world fading. Black spots grew in size as you swallowed roughly, tasting coppery blood. It was pooling in the back of you throat. No matter how hard you coughed it wouldn’t clear. Everything was still moving. Everything was groaning. Was Connor okay? Where was he? 

“Connor,” you groaned. It was barely above a wet whisper. But when you tried to speak louder, you couldn’t. You felt sensation leaving your body, everything going numb. “Connor,” you gasped.

A hand reached out, wrapping around your shoulder. “(F/N),” Connor said and you looked over, breath sparse. His eyes were wide, face scratched and bloody with blue. His gaze was at first on your face, looking at your eyes before lowering. The breath was knocked out of him and you saw the terror. You saw the fear he’d spoken of earlier. “(F/N)...”

“Connor,” you said. “I don’t think-” The world was spinning. You had tunnel vision. Your heart was beating faster. Your body felt slow and sluggish. Was this what your girlfriend had felt in her car accident? “I think I’m dying.”

“No,” Connor said. He reached over and grabbed the shrapnel, trying to pull it out. It didn’t so much as budge. “No, no, no.”

“Connor,” you whispered. “Connor I don’t… I don’t want to die.” Was this it? You felt your body submerging into something deep and oppressive. It was overwhelming. You felt your toes go numb. Your fingers were losing their grip on the shrapnel. You kept trying to push it out though. 

You weren’t ready to die. You had so much to do. You had to watch the news with Connor. You had to drink coffee with him in the morning. You had to kiss him, you had to hold him, you had to fucking  _ live  _ for once in your miserable life.

“Hold on,” Connor said. He was crouching beside you now on top of the dashboard. His LED was a bright red as he investigated the wound. You could see him analyzing it and the damage. The paleness of his face and the absolute  _ horror  _ didn’t indicate anything good. But you knew that. You knew you couldn’t be saved “Hold on. You’ll be okay. Hold on.”

“Connor,” you said. It was a squeak. You raised your hand towards him, a desperate attempt for feeling. In your vision, you saw yourself shake. Everything was going numb. You could barely speak. There was a ringing in your ears. “Connor, I want-”

His fingers wrapped around yours. They were warm. Distinctly, you saw his skin disappear. His fingers glowed blue among yours. You felt a small smile curl your lips as you thought back to that night. “I love you,” he said. “I love you.”

Everything was slow. Everything felt odd. The darkness was growing. The agony was drifting away. 

“I want you to sing.”

His fingers tightened on yours as you sank back into your seat. You heard him swallow hard. You felt his body heave with a sob.  _ “Hold on… Just a while longer. Hold on...just a while longer.” _

You let your eyes shut. 

“ _ Hold on just a while longer.” _

You let your body relax. 

_ “Everything will be alright.” _

You let everything fade. 

And then there was nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything happens for a reason. 
> 
> https://viridity.wixsite.com/0101


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya'll didn't REALLY think i was THAT cheap of a writer, did you?

It was a rainy, cold night devoid of any activity. Hank’s house was empty besides a recently freed android and a drunk, old man. They sat together on a worn couch, mere inches apart but miles distant all the same. The news was playing on a TV, reporting a case surrounding a woman.

She’d been a DPD detective and a supporter of the ‘Jericho’ movement, still young and full of promise. All of the potential she’d had was cut off by a supposed drunk driver who’d struck her car, sending it crashing into a ditch. She’d only had moments to live after being impaled by shrapnel from the other truck. Other members in the car had been Markus Manfred, the leader of the Jericho movement. His fiance had been with him too, nearly being killed due to there being no seatbelt. Thankfully, they’d been okay after receiving first aid care.

Including Connor.

But was being okay really what he was? The eyes of the woman he’d begun to love haunted him, seeming to follow him wherever he went. When he went to sleep, he saw her. When he went to change, he saw her. When he went to live and try to move on, he saw her and felt her and heard her.

He’d sung her to eternal sleep. He’d held her as she died. And he’d watched the police wrap her body in a bag and have the balls to tell him it wasn’t a homicide. 

Her death had been ruled manslaughter. But the man who drove the truck would never be charged. He’d died in the crash too. 

She would never get justice. That’s what haunted him the most.

Her death left nothing but questions. The most prominent of which was what now? What did Connor do now? Did he return to DPD and live his life as a detective? That had been his plan all along, but without her the future didn’t feel as bright. It felt dull and numb. It felt meaningless.

Hank grumbled something, and Connor looked over to him. There were deep bags under his eyes, still wearing the clothes he’d worn to the party before… Well, before  _ everything _ . Vomit stained his clothes now and he reeked of beer. Connor wished he could drink too. He still had to receive his upgrades. Anything to make him forget.

“Manslaughter,” Hank grunted, raising his bottle. He took a long drink before coughing. “Bullshit.”

Connor agreed. “It is,” he said. “Complete bullshit.”

That’s all that could be said. There was nothing else to exchange. There was nothing else on their minds. There was only anger, sadness, loss, grief… 

And hopelessness. 

She’d been a friend. She’d been family. She’d been Connor’s heart.

She’d made him feel alive. And now she was dead. How fucking ironic was that?

Now what? 

_ Now what? _

Connor rose from the couch, turning and crossing in front of Hank. The man didn’t say anything as he walked into Hank’s room, closing the door softly behind him. He pulled open a dresser to reveal the clothes she’d worn weeks ago. It was her uniform, and as he took it out of the dresser, he realized it still smelled like her. 

Clutching it to his chest, he closed his eyes and imagined as though she were still here. She’d be sitting on Hank’s bed, probably singing some 2010s song she swore she hated (she didn’t). She’d yell at him to sing various verses and he’d simply say them instead of singing. Sometimes he feared she’d be annoyed, but she laughed every time he played along.

Like when she’d been singing Taylor Swift. Like when he’d sung the next lyric and she’d laughed. Like when she was distracted by  _ him,  _ resulting in her unable to move the car before the crash. 

Connor’s cheeks felt wet. He brought up her shirt and held it tight. He cried into it. 

What now?

_ What now?  _

Something glimmered in the drawer he’d opened and Connor stepped forward. Leaning down, he saw a gun. But not just any gun - it was  _ your  _ gun. Had Hank gone by to pick up your shield and weapon? He grew angry at the thought of not being there too, but it drained away back into the feeling of blinding  _ loss.  _

Was there an afterlife? Was there something after death? The logical part of Connor said no - there was no proof of God or heaven. But the emotional part of him said there was. There was the hope that she was somewhere happy, somewhere she could never feel pain again. And maybe… Just maybe he could find her there. 

Gun trembling in his grasp, Connor turned and sat on the end of Hank’s bed. He held it in his fingers, examining the barrel. There was an engravement in the side, and he squinted, analyzing it. It was her initials. He rubbed his thumb along the letters before pressing the weapon against his chest. For a few moments, he simply held it. He simply held the last viable pieces of her left in this life. He smelled her scent, and he held her fire. 

Then he raised the gun to his temple. He flicked back the safety, letting the cold metal press against his LED. He hoped he could see her. He hoped he could find her. He closed his eyes, he took a deep breath in and-

Sumo began to bark, and the loud ring of the doorbell echoed throughout the house. Connor reeled back, blinking away the abundance of tears that had gathered in his eyes. The gun lowered from his temple as he heard Hank swear and grumble, loud thuds of him getting up and stomping towards the door followed. Sumo was still barking. What was going on?

Connor stood, quickly stuffing the gun back into the dresser. He didn’t want Hank to know he even considered suicide. The man was already going through enough.

Opening the door, Connor stepped out in the hallway. Hank was yelling and cursing. There was another voice, low and quiet as it tried to calm him. Connor moved faster now. Were there more reporters? He was about ready to throw some punches when he rounded the couch, seeing who it was at the door.

No longer was he wearing a robe of velvet. Instead, Elijah Kamski wore a black dress shirt and slacks that were tightly and efficiently fitted. His hair was pulled back, and he recognized the blonde woman beside him. It was Chloe. She held an umbrella above the man’s head, and Connor felt angry at him still keeping her hostage. But upon closer inspection, her eyes were alight with emotion. She looked nothing like when Connor had been pressured to shoot her.

“What are you doing here?” Connor asked, coming up from behind Hank. The old man threw a look back at Connor, disgust and fury evident. Connor found himself sharing the same emotions. Kamski had remade him, but he didn’t trust him. At all. 

The billionaire gestured inside, raising his brows. “May I come in?” he asked. Connor stepped forward, effectively blocking off the entire doorway. Kamski’s hand dropped to his side. Chloe narrowed her eyes. “I take that as a no.”

“Why the fuck are you here?” Hank growled. “Get the fuck outta here.”

“I came to offer my condolences,” Kamski said and Hank grunted. 

“Thanks. Bye.” The door was being shut in the man’s face, but a hand jolted out and caught it. Hank swore again, unable to stop the door being reopened. Kamski looked annoyed now, if not urgent. 

“Do you want (Y/N) back?” Kamski hissed and both Connor and Hank froze. Connor could feel his heart stutter, blood cooling. Was this a joke? Connor analyzed Kamski’s face for an answer, but there were no indications that he was lying. 

“She’s dead,” Hank said, voice hoarse. “She’s fucking dead. You can’t bring her back.”

Kamski tilted his head, and Hank let him open the door completely now. “Technology is constantly growing. I pioneered one science, and I believe I can pioneer a new one.”

“You’re not God,” Connor said. It was quiet, but Kamski heard it. 

The man smirked, body taut and coy. “No,” he agreed. “But I’m awfully good at playing one.” He shifted now, giving everyone a deadly serious look. It was obvious he wasn’t here to jest. “I believe with new and cutting edge technology, I can bring back (Y/N). It will take time, and it will be exhausting, but I believe it can be done. Are you in?”

“We’re in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not the end.
> 
> this is merely the beginning.
> 
> https://project-renaissance.tumblr.com/
> 
>  
> 
> Want to discuss the fic, and hear updates first? Join this discord!   
> https://discord.gg/DGVRKRt


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